An Update on a Lack of Updates

Well, I looked at my profile just now and I noticed that my average posts per week is down to just one. That has got to change. I'd like it to be up to three, so maybe you'll see me posting more often. Who knows? I don't have much to talk about really, but I do have a one observation to make, which will provide a nice segue into one of my ideas.

Is it just me, or do a lot of seemingly great ideas come to you in the shower? I say seemingly because I am not sure if any of my ideas are really great ideas. Anyways, I was just wondering if anyone else noticed that. Actually, a lot of my ideas come to me when I'm in the bathroom. For example, my idea for a Christian convenience store, Jeezway. That idea came to me when I was going to the bathroom at my grandpa's funeral. I was obviously in the bathroom, I wasn't actually going to the bathroom at my grandpa's funeral. That would have been slightly awkward....

Anyways, on with the Jeezway idea. Okay, so I have told some of my friends this idea and most of them think that it is the best idea since the Jump to Conclusions Mat! I know what you're thinking to yourself now, "Self, what is Jeezway?" Well, let me answer your question. Jeezway is my idea for a Christian (or religious) based convenience store. It's not just a convenience store, it is also a funeral home and restaurant. So, it is basically a funeral home/convenience store/restaurant, all in one. It is such a great idea, I probably shouldn't be talking about it so openly on this blog. If anyone steals my idea, I will hunt you down and kill you!

Alright, on with the premise of my Jeezway idea. I'll start with the funeral home aspect. You know how when you're at a funeral home, and you're all like, damn, I need to go get something to eat. Well, this is where Jeezway comes in. Remember, Jeezway is a funeral home/convenience store/restaurant. So, that means that you can get a bite to eat at the restaurant, or you can get a snack at the convenience store. Sounds too good to be true? Of course it isn't!

It is important for me to reiterate this. Jeezway is a funeral home, with a restaurant and convenience store attached to it. But allow me to discuss the finer points of my idea. At Jeezway, we keep the dead bodies in the cooler of the convenience store. It is a cost savings maneuver, and it is also one of our trademark practices. Basically, we kill two birds with one stone, and it also gives us something that looks good in a brochure. It is a resume builder, if you will.

As you can see, I have thought long and hard about this. While thinking about my idea, I tried to come up with the perfect slogan for Jeezway. Those bastards over at 7-11 already stole the one that I wanted to use, so I had to come up with a new one. Seriously though, don't you think that Oh Thank Heaven should be reserved for a Christian convenience store? I do, and after I establish my Christian convenience store empire, I shall sue 7-11 for all its worth. Anyways, I couldn't come up with a slogan, so I went to this website and used the first slogan it came up with. Here is Jeezway's slogan: A Jeezway A Day Helps You Work, Rest and Play. Not bad, it is a little odd, but it is better than anything I could come up with.

Okay, so now that I have my quaint slogan in place, I can start telling you about the products that I will sell at the convenience store. All of our wine will be labeled the blood of christ, for obvious reasons. As you know, most religious people like their ceremonial wine, and who am I to judge? After I've won my holy crusade (lawsuit) against 7-11, Jeezway will have religious themed slurpees. How does Jesusberry Blue and Mountain Jew sound? The possibilities are endless! Jeezway will sell everything a normal convenience store does. The only difference is, we are a store of "moral" values, and that is what the American people want. This is capitalism at its finest people.

Well, this post is longer than I wanted it to be. I wish I could say the same thing about my penis, but that is neither her nor there. Anyways, thanks for reading my blog and I hope you liked my Jeezway idea. Leave me a comment, even if you hated it.

Oh, and just for the record, I am an atheist and this whole Jeezway idea was just a joke. It was my attempt at being funny, and I have probably failed miserably. If I offended you in any way, I apologize. Even if you don't forgive me, I know God will because God forgives everyone. And remember, Jesus saves and the black man slaves! And no, I am not racist either, I'm just an asshole. Thank you and good night.