Is everyone in this country high?

Just a forewarning, this post consists of me complaining about various things that bother me. If you don't want to hear it, stop reading right now.

Jesus Christ, I went to the mall today with my friend Andy. We went to Guess and Banana Republic, two places I never shop at, but apparently he does. Now, this isn't a knock on my good friend Andy, he's a good guy, but honestly, I could never see myself spending the kind of money people do at these stores. 80 bucks for a pair of fucking jeans? Really? No thanks, I'll stick with my 30 dollar Levi jeans, and even those are overpriced. 60 bucks for a shirt? Again, I'll pass and stick with my 18 dollar t-shirts from tshirthell.com. I just can't believe people actually spend that kind of money on clothes. I guess (get it guess...I crack mysef up) that explains why I don't have a girlfriend. Well, that and the fact that I have absolutely no self-confidence, a bad personality, and a twisted sense of humor. Enough about that though.

And another thing, to all you idiots that pay to get a tan at a tanning salon. What's up with that? For one, why don't you just go out in the Sun and get a tan for free? You might call me cheap, I call it being practical. For two, all that exposure to UV rays can give you skin cancer. So basically, you are paying for cancer. And besides, why do you need a tan anyway? Do you honestly think that it looks good? When I look at a girl, the last thing I care about is a tan. It goes face, breasts, ass, in that order. Well, maybe not in that order, but those are my top three. The point in all of this is a tan doesn't enhance your beauty. In my eyes, it doesn't add to your number. If you are a six, no amount of skin tone is going to add to your number. Please, someone explain the purpose of a tan? I suspect that it is only done because celebrities do it. In fact, I have had that tanning wasn't popular until celebrities back in the 1930s or so started doing it. Before that, a tan was looked down upon because it made you look like a fieldworker, which was a bad thing. Anyways, I'm done talking about that.

Tattoos. I can't stand them and can't understand why people get them. You're probably thinking I'm a real nerd, and that is fine, but hear me out. I like to look at the redeeming value of things. What exactly does a tattoo do for you? Does it make you cooler? Does it make you stronger? Does it make your penis bigger? If the latter was true, I would consider getting a tattoo, but it's not. Tattoos do absolutely nothing for you, except make you look trashy, in my opinion. I know I'll probably catch a look of flak for this, but that's how I feel. I'm not saying that everyone who has a tattoo is actually trashy, I'm just saying that is my first impression when I see one. This doesn't always apply if I already know you, because I already have an impression of you, but it does change my overall impression sometimes. With people I don't know though, if I see that they have a tattoo, I think less of them. That's probably not a good thing, but it is what we humans do. We judge. We can't stop judging, it is impossible. People are always saying not to judge, but everyone does it. Humans take in information, process it, and come away with their perception. Like right now, you are thinking, what a prude this guy is. You are taking in the information I am saying, processing it in your brain, matching it up with your definition of a prude, and labling me as such. That is fine, but just remember, you are judging me right now, whether you know it or not. And that's all I have to say about that.

Moving on to piercings. Another thing that has no redeeming value whatsoever. One specific type of piercing really bothers me though. I can tolerate the rest of them, but this one in particular bothers me. The piercing I am referring to is the tongue piercing. I think Chris Rock said it best when he said, "Kill Whitey." Wait a minute, that's not right. Ah, here it is: "If a girl has a pierced tongue, she'll probably suck your dick. If a guy has a pierced tongue...he'll probably suck your dick." Again, this all goes back to perceptions. Whether or not these perceptions are true is irrelevant. When I see a girl with a pierced tongue, I see someone who is easy. It is probably not fair for me to think that, but that's the reality. And again, what exactly does a tongue piercing do for you? Sure, a girl sucking me off with one probably feels damn good, but last time I checked, my vacuum cleaner didn't need a tongue ring to get my off. I'm kidding of course, but I'm just saying that a blow job feels good, tongue ring or not. God damn, I really am an asshole.

Well, now that I have alienated all of my readers, made an ass of myself, and exposed myself as a prude, I think I'm going to end this post. And that's my cue to exit. Good night everyone!