Crocodile (Hunter) Rock(ed)

"[My] whole passion to be on this planet is to educate people about wildlife," he said in 1998. "I will die doing that. I have a gift."--Steve Irwin

You sure were right about that one, Stevo. At least he died doing what he loved though. I mean, he probably didn't love it too much at the time or anything. But hey, we should all be so lucky. I hope one day that can be said about me. At least then I'll be assured of death by masturbation.

Speaking of masturbation, I want everyone to know that I've recently decided to name my penis genius. That way, whenever I beat off, I'll have a stroke of genius. I know all of you were dying to know that. I'm just throwing it out there, so to speak.

In other news, I went to the dentist on Thursday. Every single time I leave that place, I feel like I've been raped. That's figuratively speaking people. Don't get any ideas involving nitrous oxide, rubber gloves, dental floss, and my asshole, you faggot. Anyways, the procedure took two god damn hours to complete, and after it was done, I had a nice bill of around 500 dollars waiting for me at the receptionist's desk. Oh well, it could have been worse. If I didn't have insurance, it would have been closer to 1,000 dollars. Yeah, that's looking on the bright side....

Okay, that's all I've got to say today. Before I go though, I'd like to dedicate a song to Steve. This one's for you man.

I remember when Steve was young
He and Terri had so much fun
Holding snakes and skimming stones
Had a day time emmy and a show of his own
But the biggest kick he ever got
Was doing a thing called the crocodile rock
While the other guys were filming round the clock
They were hopping and bopping to the crocodile rock

Well crocodile rocking is something shocking
When your feet just can't keep still
He never knew him a better time and I guess he never will
Oh lordy mama those Friday nights
When Terri wore her khakis tight
And the crocodile rocking was out of sight

But the years went by and the guy just died
Terri went and left him for some foreign guy
Long nights crying by the T.V. machine
Dreaming of his emmy and his old khaki jeans
But they'll never kill the thrills he got
Burning up to the crocodile rock
Learning fast as the weeks went past
I really thought the crocodile rock would last

Well crocodile rocking is something shocking
When your feet just can't keep still
He never knew him a better time and I guess he never will
Oh lordy mama those Friday nights
When Terri wore her khakis tight
And the crocodile rocking was out of sight

I remember when Steve was young
He and Terri had so much fun
Holding snakes and skimming stones
Had a day time emmy and a show of his own
But the biggest kick he ever got
Was doing a thing called the crocodile rock
While the other guys were filming round the clock
They were hopping and bopping to the crocodile rock

Well crocodile rocking is something shocking
When your feet just can't keep still
He never knew him a better time and I guess he never will
Oh lordy mama those Friday nights
When Terri wore her khakis tight
And the crocodile rocking was out of sight

RIP Steve Irwin. Cricky, we hardly knew ye.