And then there was...one?

Well, actually four, but I'm going to eliminate the other three and explain my reasoning for it. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, please read on. I'll give you a hint though, it's about the Detroit Lions and the Super Bowl.

With the Saints making the Super Bowl this year, only four teams remain that have never played in the game: Cleveland Browns, Detroit Lions, Houston Texans and Jacksonville Jaguars. Right off the bat, you can forgive the Jacksonville Jaguars for never making the Super Bowl. They have only been around since 1995, so they have only had 15 seasons to do it. So, it is understandable that they have never played in one yet. They don't deserve the dubious distinction (holy alliteration Batman!) and can be eliminated from this list for now.

Now, you may be saying to yourself, "Why didn't he eliminate the Houston Texans first?" Well, you would be right in thinking that, but I'll tell you why I didn't. While it is true that the Texans have only been in the league since 2002, they used to have a team called the Houston Oilers. And what happened to the Houston Oilers? Well, they moved to Tennessee in 1997 and became the Tennessee Oilers (in 1999, they changed the name to the Tennessee Titans). As you may recall, the Titans lost in the Super Bowl in an epic game against the St. Louis Rams in 1999. So, as far as I'm concerned, a team from Houston has played in the Super Bowl.

That same logic can also be applied to the Cleveland Browns, but it is a case that is a little more confusing. The Cleveland Browns franchise started in 1946, but their owner, Art Modell, decided it would be a good idea to move the team after the 1995 season. This, of course, created a shitstorm in Cleveland and the NFL awarded the city a "new" team with the same name, scheduled to resume play in the 1999 season. For all intents and purposes, the Cleveland Browns were "deactivated" at the end of the 1995 season and "reactivated" starting with the 1999 season. So, what happened to the team formally known as the Cleveland Browns? They moved to Baltimore as an "expansion" team, even though all of the then current Browns players and personnel remained, and became the Baltimore Ravens (Fun fact: after the 1983 season, the Baltimore Colts moved to Indianapolis). Well, following the trend set by the Tennessee Titans, the Baltimore Ravens soon played in (and won) a Super Bowl in 2000. So, in my opinion, a team from Cleveland has played in the Super Bowl, with all due respect to the real Cleveland Browns.

And then there was one. That's right, number zero in your Super Bowl programs and number one in my heart, the Detroit Lions. And what makes matters worse is that the Lions have won just a single playoff game since 1957 (the year the Lions last won a championship). That's one playoff win in over 50 years, for those of you keeping score at home. Compare that to the team I forgave above and you begin to release just how pathetic the Lions really are. In 1996, the Jacksonville Jaguars won two playoff games in just their second season of existence. This was the same year that another recent expansion team, the Carolina Panthers, also won two playoff games (in their second season as well). So, as you can plainly see, the Detroit Lions are truly in a class of their own. And that is a class of one, riding the short bus to school, sitting in a corner with a crooked dunce hat on and blabbering about how the government is trying to broadcast signals to aliens off of their cavity fillings. That's the Detroit Lions for you, a team I love for some strange reason.

Well, that's all I have to say about that. I'm going to leave you with a list I made while researching this topic. This is a list of all the current NFL teams and their Super Bowl appearances (please note that wins are in bold).

National Football Conference

NFC East

• Dallas Cowboys: 1970, 1971, 1975, 1977, 1978, 1992, 1993, 1995
• NY Giants: 1986, 1990, 2000, 2007
• Philadelphia Eagles: 1980, 2004
• Washington Redskins: 1972, 1982, 1983, 1987, 1991

NFC North

• Chicago Bears: 1985, 2006
• Detroit Lions: N/A
  
• Green Bay Packers: 1966, 1967, 1996, 1997
• Minnesota Vikings: 1969, 1973, 1974, 1976

NFC South

• Atlanta Falcons: 1998
• Carolina Panthers: 2003
• New Orleans Saints: (2009)
• Tampa Bay Buccaneers: 2002

NFC West

• Arizona Cardinals: 2008
• San Francisco 49ers: 1981, 1984, 1988, 1989, 1994
• Seattle Seahawks: 2005
• St. Louis Rams: 1979**, 1999, 2001

American Football Conference

AFC East

• Buffalo Bills: 1990, 1991, 1992, 1993
• Miami Dolphins: 1971, 1972, 1973, 1982, 1984
• New England Patriots: 1985, 1996, 2001, 2003, 2004, 2007
• NY Jets: 1968

AFC North

• Baltimore Ravens: 2000
• Cincinnati Bengals: 1981, 1988
• Cleveland Browns: N/A
  
• Pittsburgh Steelers: 1974, 1975, 1978, 1979, 1995, 2005, 2008

AFC South

• Houston Texans: N/A
• Indianapolis Colts: 1968*, 1970*, 2006, (2009)
• Jacksonville Jaguars: N/A
• Tennessee Titans: 1999

AFC West

• Denver Broncos: 1977, 1986, 1987, 1989, 1997, 1998
• Kansas City Chiefs: 1966, 1969
• Oakland Raiders: 1967, 1976, 1980, 1983***, 2002
• San Diego Chargers: 1994

* In these two years, they were the Baltimore Colts
** In this year, they were the Los Angeles Rams (see below)
*** In this year, they were the Los Angeles Raiders (so even L.A., who currently doesn't have an NFL team, has a Super Bowl win and another appearance)