Bowling

Okay, so my first week of bowling was today. It didn't go so bad, we won four out of seven points. I also gave a speech before bowling. Here it is, for your viewing pleasure:

Gentlemen (and I use that term loosely), we embark on our bowling journey with one thing in mind. No Kirby, I’m not talking about beer, but I’ll get to that. The one thing we should all have on our mind is winning first place. Now, I don’t claim to be a mathematician, but let me break this down for you all very simply. Last year, the Brewers took the first half with a total of 65 points. So, over the 14 week period of the first half, that is an average of just 4.64 points per week. In order to have a chance at first place, we have to win roughly two games every week, along with totals every other week. If we can do that for the 14 week period of the first half, we will end up with 63 points, which should be just about enough to be in contention for first place.
Let’s start with the first order of business, which is, the bowling order for this year. As long as everyone agrees, our bowling order will be the following: Kenny, Matt, Paul, Kirby, and Donnie.
I feel that this order is advantageous to the team. For starters, it gives us a leadoff man who has both of his thumbs. In addition to that, it gives us a leadoff man that doesn’t wear hats, which is a huge distraction to the team. Those are two key qualities that a leadoff man should have, and obviously, Paul doesn’t possess those two qualities. I’m sure Paul has other key qualities that he brings to the team. I’d even go as far as to say that he brings many things to the team…although I can’t think of anything off the top of my head, but I’m sure he brings something to the team. Anyways, Paul is best utilized in the three spot because that is where he is least noticed by the other team, which should be to our advantage. The number two spot, which can only be filled by Matt or me, is best filled by Matt because he then precedes Paul. This should provide our team with a family rivalry, which, I believe, we need to win first place. In addition to that, Matt doesn’t fit the prototypical mold of the fourth or fifth spot, so there is no question as to where he belongs in the order.
The fourth and fifth spots are pretty much up for grabs between Kirby and Donnie. It could really go either way, but I feel that Kirby is best utilized in the number four spot and that Donnie is best utilized in the number five spot. The Japanese have a saying that fits Kirby perfectly, Kill Whitey. No, that isn’t the saying, but Kirby is definitely “the man” on the team. The saying that I was actually looking for goes a little something like this, “The nail that sticks out gets hammered.” Kirby is definitely the nail that sticks out on the team and he gets hammered on a regular basis. Kirby is also the heart and soul of the team, so he belongs in the heart of the order in the number four spot. In addition to that, Kirby has a sort of intimidating factor about him, so that could be used to our advantage to throw off the opposition’s fifth bowler. The reasons for Donnie being in the number five spot are fairly simple. For one, he is good under pressure and can handle the stress of the number five spot. Furthermore, he is smarter than an actual anchor and that much can’t be said about Paul or Kirby.
Okay, so on to the second order of business. If you would like to participate, I encourage you to pick four genre based bowling themes. The four genres are as follows: rock and roll theme, rap theme, movie theme, and television theme. Some people have picked their themes already. Others don’t know about it or refuse to participate. This will be my last time mentioning this, so pick your themes now and tell me what they are.
Let’s raise our glasses, whatever we got in front of us, to salute the start of what should be a great bowling year. I would like to end this speech with my proposed motto for the team: “Today Fernhill, tomorrow the world.” Thank you for your time.

Just an FYI for you all. Fernhill is the bowling alley that we bowl at, so that is what I'm referencing in my motto. I am also referencing Hitler, but I'm not a Nazi, so don't get the wrong idea there. Okay, that is all I got for tonight. Things are going better for me, my grandpa is buried, so that is all over. Classes are going better and life is going better. I can't complain right now, so I leave you on good terms. Thank you and good night.