A Serious Post

So here I am. Another day has went by in my life and I feel like I got nothing accomplished. I am starting to doubt college, for some reason or another. I thought that coming home to Macomb would be different, and for a while it was. But now, now it feels the same as when I was at Western. Maybe college just isn't for me, but if not, then what do I do?

For the past few days, I have had a weird feeling, and until just now, I didn't know what it was. I just realized that I am starting to feel the same as when I was at Western. I am starting to doubt that I belong at college, any college, for whatever reason. I don't know, I've been saying to myself that I'll get over it, but it just doesn't seem to happen. Whatever the reason, it sounds like I need therapy or something, lol.

Another little known fact that you may not know about me, I've never had a girlfriend. I don't know if that is weird or not, but I suspect that it is. I've been very shy all my life, and people keep telling me that I need to get out more, which is true. The problem with that is, whenever I think about going out (and this is especially true during school), I feel like I could be spending my time doing something useful (like while I'm in school, doing homework, for example). Also, I don't think any girl would find me attractive, so that is another problem I have.

During school, I spend most of my days either doing homework or worrying that I should be doing my homework. This has been going on since I started college in Western, but it has escalated ever since. I don't know, I think my main problem is my drive for perfection. I don't know why I have that drive, I asked my parents if they cared if I got all A's or not, and they said no. Frankly, I really don't care, but for some reason, I seem to be fixated on it.

As you can see, I have some problems that I need to get over or maybe get some help with. The majority of my problems stem from my lack of self-confidence, which I know I don't have much of. For some reason, I dislike people that are overly confident, but at the same time, I wish I was them. I mean, at least they think they can get the job done (whatever the job might be) and think they can do it right. Me, on the other hand, I often doubt myself. Whenever I'm doing something, I always worry if I'm doing it right or if maybe I did something wrong. I do this with new things mostly, which I guess can be expected, but I seem to overly critical of myself.

I'm sitting here, right now, and listening to Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd. For some odd reason, this song reminds me of my life right now. I think the song is about drug addiction, so that part doesn't pretain to me, but it just seems to sing of my life right now. I am just stressed out at the moment, and I always get this way at the start of the semester, so maybe I'll get over it. I just need to learn to relax a little, and bowling starts soon, so that always helps me relax.

In lighter news, Team U.S.A lost again tonight, 3-1 to the Russians. Wait a tick, that isn't lighter news! Oh well, I guess I'm glad I missed the game, but I did see the box score. Did anyone see the game? If so, could you please fill me in? Did Esche stand on his head again, or did he let in some soft goals? Well, it doesn't look good for team U.S.A., but I guess not much was expected of them. Virtually no one in America likes hockey, so I'm sure that 99% of America could give a fuck less.

I really hope that there is an NHL season, but that too is looking grim. The expiration of the CBA is rapidly approaching (September 15th) and that could mean the beginning of the end for the 2004-2005 NHL season. I don't know whom to blame for this. I mean, I can see the owners point of view. In order to run the business side of things, they want to have cost certainty, so they can plan their budget and all that nonsense. Then, there is the players, who want things to remain status quo, and I can't say that I blame them. I mean, if I were a player, I would want the current system because I can get the market value for myself. As a player, I wouldn't want to have to accept way less than what I'm worth, just so a team can stay under a salary cap. Don't get me wrong, the majority of the players are adequately paid, but I can see it from their perspective.

In retrospect, this just might be the owners fault for not being fiscally responsible in the first place. If the owners would have used the current system correctly, like most have this year, maybe this wouldn't have happened. Instead, you have players like Bobby Holik making 10 millions dollars. Holik isn't worth anything near 10 million dollars, so in reality, it is the owners fault for shelling that kind of money to the non-superstar players (in my opinion, Holik is a second-line player, at best). In addition to that, you have players that you can't really blame for taking the money (like Martin Lapointe, for example). I guess this isn't about whose fault it is, and I really can't blame anyone, but I just hope that there is hockey sometime this century.

Well, I think that is all I have to say tonight. Thanks for making it this far, if you're still with me. Good night everyone.