Carry On My Wayward Son

Well, I don't think that last update was as funny as I wanted it to be. It was a little too serious for my liking. When I began writing the update, I intended it to be over the top hilarious. It didn't turn out that way, although I think it had its moments. Maybe I should just quit while I'm ahead with this post, pack it in, and call it a night. I guess not.

Okay, you've all heard of the expression "don't shoot until you see the whites of their eyes." It goes back to the American Revolution, and possibly before that. Picture this though. Imagine if we used the expression in World War II against the Japanese. We'd all be speaking German right now. The Japanese would have destroyed us, single-handedly, if we employed that expression during WWII. It's a good thing the expression loose lips sink ships came along. That was probably our savior. I'd like to update the expression though, to fit a more modern time. Loose lips big tits. With that in mind, I'd like to update the former expression as well. Don't shoot until you see the bites of her thighs. I'll leave it up to you to interpret those two expressions for yourself. I think that both of these expressions fit the 21st century very well. You should start dropping them during your daily conversations, maybe it'll catch on.

I had an idea for a board game the other day. It's called Staircases and Batters, with a subtitle of Spousal Abuse. Basically, it's an offshoot of Chutes and Ladders. The premise of the game is this. Instead of having child-shaped game pieces, you have mom-shaped game pieces. The object of the game is to be the first mom to divorce court, which is located at the top of the board. You start out at the bottom of the board, in the area that is called "Dad's Doghouse." You flick the spinner and you move that many spaces up. If you land on a square that says "Back Talk to Husband," you get pushed down the stairs. If you land on a square that says "Forgot to Make Dinner," you get hit with a baseball bat to the next level up. As I said, the first mom to divorce court wins. I think this game teaches children the risks of talking back and the importance of having a good meal prepared the right way. It also teaches children to take turns and count, so that is an added bonus. It is important to note that this game has small parts and is therefore a choking hazard. It is not intended for children under 3 years, which is really a shame because that age range can learn a lot from this game.

Speaking of small parts, if I was going to get a tattoo, I think that's what I'd get tattooed on my penis. "Warning: small parts (choking hazard)" or something to that effect. Yes, I know this is getting a little personal, but hey, if you can't make fun of yourself you must have a really big ego.

Okay, you've all heard, by now, about the sexual tactics used by some of Americans female interrogators. If you haven't, check out this article. If you don't feel like reading it, here is the pertinent excerpt that you should read:

"Female interrogators tried to break Muslim detainees at the U.S. prison camp at Guantánamo Bay by sexual touching, wearing a miniskirt and thong underwear and in one case smearing a Saudi man's face with fake menstrual blood, according to an insider's written account."

I would just like to say, first and foremost, those tactics would never work on me. Well, except maybe the menstrual tactic, that is a bit sick. In any event, you usually have to pay 20 dollars for that kind of action. I would love to be interrogated in that way, aside from the menstrual thing. "I'll tell you anything you want, just take off you shirt!" I'd be saying. Ah, those crazy Muslims. Further proof that every religion is whacked in some regard.

And I'm spent. I hope you enjoyed the post. And if I offened you...well let's just say there's plently more where that came from.