Tim Tebow

If you don't know who Tim Tebow is, go do a quick Google search and familiarize yourself with him. Also "familiarize" yourself with his girlfriend, if you know what I mean. If you don't feel like doing that, I'll just say that he's a college football star that plays for the Florida Gators, and his girlfriend has big tits.

Let me start off by telling you about a chance encounter I had with Tim Tebow. Back in 2007, during the early days of the Tebow legend, I went on vacation with my family down in Florida. We were out at a restaurant, and I had to use the bathroom, so I excused myself and made my way over to the men's room.

As I walked through the restroom door, none other than Tim Tebow was at the only urinal. I waited politely for him to finish, and let him walk by me without saying a word because it's awkward to talk to anyone, especially the Supreme Overlord and Master of the Universe, in the bathroom. It took me a while to pull myself together, but then I remembered why I was in the bathroom in the first place, so I went over to the urinal to relieve myself. And wouldn't you know it, as soon as I finished pissing, the bladder infection that I failed to mention until now was gone. And I didn't even have to have some strange black guy touch my junk! I just had to use the same urinal as Tim, and boom, it was gone. And even though Tim was probably in the parking lot by then, resurrecting a dead mouse or something, I said a prayer to thank him, hoping that God would relay the message.

Oh, you don't believe me, do you? Well, you're right. The story was total bullshit. And it may sound like I hate Tim Tebow, but I don't. I'm sure he's a quality individual, I'd probably even let him fuck my sister. I just think that people are a little over the top with him. Every time I watch a game he's playing in, and even sometimes a game he's not playing in, I'm subjected to the announcers just gushing over him. It's like John Madden with Brett Farve, except no one's on the telestrator drawing objects that look strangely like penises. Anyway, they go on and on about how great Tim is, about how he circumcises Filipino babies in his spare time, about how they talked to him before the game and now they are a much better person because of it. They even read the Bible verse he had written on his eye black this past Saturday.

So, to all you people out there who think he's great, we get it. He's better than us. He's better than you. He's better than me. While we're out there being unproductive sinning members of society, he's saving the world one circumcision at a time. Oh, and through the words of Jesus Christ too probably. He is a leader among men, a god among mortals, a gator among crocodiles, and we are merely left to worship at his altar. Except he wouldn't want us to do that, of course, because it would take away from his message that Christ is the only thing that you should worship. He's humble like that.

Anyway, that was my rant about Tim Tebow. And like I said, I don't hate him. I just don't think that he's as amazing as most people think he is, but I could be wrong. What are your thoughts?