Lindsay Lohan sues E-Trade

I know I'm a little late on this, but here's my two cents anyway.

Apparently, Lindsay Lohan is suing E-Trade over the use of her first name in one of the E-Trade Super Bowl commercials. The amount she's suing for, you ask? 100 million dollars *makes a fist, extends his pinkie and puts it to his lips*. Her lawyer claims that her first name is a recognizable reference to her, just like Oprah or Madonna. Her lawyer also claims that "Everybody's talking about it and saying it's Lindsay Lohan."

I know that when people say everybody, or nobody, they don't really mean everybody (or nobody), but I never associated "that milkaholic Lindsay" in the commercial with Lindsay Lohan. Not even for a second. I didn't even make the association until this traveshamockery of a lawsuit was announced last week. And I highly doubt I'm alone on this. For Lindsay Lohan to even have a case, she would have to prove that the majority of people who have seen the ad associate "that milkaholic Lindsay" with her. How she'll do that, I have no idea. It sounds like a frivolous lawsuit to me.

What's next? Paris Hilton suing Hall and Oates over the song "Rich Girl." I think she might have a case. Let's examine the lyrics, shall we?

You're a rich girl, and you've gone too far
'Cause you know it don't matter anyway
You can rely on the old man's money
You can rely on the old man's money
It's a bitch girl but it's gone too far
'Cause you know it don't matter anyway
Say money but it won't get you too far
Get you too far

Paris Hilton is a rich girl, and she's gone too far, because she knows it doesn't matter anyway. She can rely on her old man's money, she can rely on her old man's money. It's a bitch girl, but it's gone too far, because she knows it doesn't matter anyway. Say money, but it won't get her too far, get her too far.

And don't you know, don't you know
That it's wrong to take what is given you
So far gone, on your own
You can get along if you try to be strong
But you'll never be strong

She doesn't know, doesn't know, that it's wrong to take what is given to her. She's so far gone, on her own. She can get along, if she tries to be strong, but she'll never be strong.

High and dry, out of the rain
It's so easy to hurt others when you can't feel pain
And don't you know that a love can't grow
'Cause there's too much to give, 'cause you'd rather live
For the thrill of it all, oh

She's high and dry, out of the rain. And it's so easy for her to hurt others when she can't feel pain. She doesn't know that a love can't grow, because there's too much to give and she would rather live for the thrill of it all. Ohhhh....

Nevermind that this song was released in 1977. And nevermind that Paris Hilton was born in 1981, four years after the song's release. I think Miss Hilton has a case here, am I right?

My advice to Lindsay Lohan? It's a bitch girl, but it's gone too far, because you know it doesn't matter anyway. Say money, but it won't get you too far, get you too far. Translation: Drop the damn lawsuit, it's gone too far, and you know it won't matter anyway. You can ask for 100 million dollars, but it won't get you too far because you will lose and be a bigger laughingstock than you already are.

Well, that's all I've got to say about that. You stay classy, San Diego.