Well, I tried to update tonight, twice. I just wasn't feeling it. My first update wasn't vey good, so I scrapped it. My second update was equally as bad, so I decided to forget about updating all together. I don't even know why I'm updating you on this situation of not updating, but I figured it is better than no update at all.
To sum up what I wrote in my first update:
Went to the Detroit Science Center with my buddy Rich. Had a good time. We went out to eat at Red Robins afterwards. It was decent. I bowled today. Wasn't a very good night. I'm feeling depressed, which is probably not good. I should really go see that therapist. The End.
My second update consisted of me endlessly rambling about nothing. I'll leave it at that. You stay classy, San Diego.
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
Tuesday, March 01, 2005
It's been a while...
Yeah, I realize that I haven't posted in about a month. Not much has happened since then. I went and got another scope for my ulcers near the beginning of February. All is well now, no more ulcers. I just have to keep taking my Prilosec and everything should be fine. I talked to my doctor a few weeks back and asked her for a number to a therapist. We both agreed that talking to a therapist would be good for reducing my stress. Listen to me talk here, I sound like I'm 40. Oh well, we'll see how that goes.
School is going well. Nothing much to report. My mythology class is really interesting. We are reading the Odyssey. I remember reading that in like 7th grade, and I couldn't recall hardly anything about it. It's funny though, as I was reading it, it was kind of like deju va. It was as if I read it just yesterday. Well, I'm exaggerate a little bit, but you get the picture. I remembered more than expected. Enough about that though.
I'm currently watching the Pistons game. They are winning 60-50 at half time. I don't usually watch basketball. Without hockey though, there isn't much else on in terms of sports. I could go on about how much it sucks without hockey, but it would be pointless and a waste of your time. Suffice to say though, I am definitely not pleased about it. Baseball is starting up again soon. A lot of people don't like baseball, but I am not one of them. It is slowly passing football as my second favorite sport. I guess that's what happens when you finally have a competitive team to root for. I'm not expecting a playoff appear by the Tigers this year, but it would be nice. Hopefully they can reach .500 and build from there. I can't wait for the season to start though. I'm more excited this season than I was last season.
I was planning on having a whole post dedicated to the differences between men and women. Of course, I never got around to it. I have decided to post what I have so far, which isn't much. I wanted to think of more, but, like I said, I haven't. Bear in mind that these are my own perception and may be in conflict with reality. You be the judge:
The Difference Between Men and Women
Let's start with orgasms. Women are all over the map. Some girls can only have it with oral sex and it is the rare girl that can have it with intercourse. Some girls need something up their ass to acheive orgasm. Some girls have multipe orgrams. Some girls have to fake orgasms, which brings me to an analogy. The female orgasm is a lot like a flying saucer. Nobody is really sure if they exist, except for the government, but when somebody witnesses one, everybody knows about it. Here is a tip from me to you. If your girlfriend has a friend who is multiorgasmic, I suggest you put a bullet in that girl's head. She'll be putting ideas into you girlfriend, and the only thing that needs to be put into your girlfriend is your cock. Seriously though, that girlfriend will make you look bad for not being able to give your girlfriend an orgasm. Like I said, girls are all over the place, and you don't need somebody else telling your girlfriend what kind of orgasm she should be having. That's also why you don't allow you girlfriend to read Cosmo. It is pure garbage. Never ever ever let your girlfriend read Cosmo. Also, bear in mind that I'm talking about girls that are around 20 here. Older women are more experienced and now what it takes for them to achieve an orgasm.
Okay, moving on to the male. What can I say, it's fairly simple. You stimulate the penis. The penis becomes excited. The penis squirts something out in about ten minutes or less and then it takes a nap. Well, you're probably expecting another analogy, so here goes. The male orgasm is like a firehose. Once the fire's out, that's it. In addition to that, the penis is analogous to a fire truck. This might not make any sense, but hear me out. Okay, so how fast the fire truck can get to the next fire depends upon how old it is. So, the length of the penis nap depends on how old you are, but it usually isn't very long for most people under 40. So, as you can see, it doesn't matter how old a male is. As soon as he is able to have an orgasm, he can have an orgasm. The refractory period grows larger as he gets older, but the mechanism for his orgasm stays the same. Once the plumbing is in place, it's game time for the male.
Well, like I said, that wasn't very long and probably wasn't that funny. I tired. I have a couple of one liners I came up with while listening to commerials during the Piston's game. Here they are:
So, GoodYear's slogan is GoodYear tire and rubber company. Why didn't somebody tell me GoodYear made condoms! I knew there was a deeper meaning to the name GoodYear. I guess my definition of a good year would be 52 times. What about yours?
I'm sure most of you won't get this next one because this is strictly a Michigan company. Let me start off by saying that this is a slogan for a window manufacturer. It isn't really a slogan, it is what they say in their commerials. I think they should add something to what they advertise though. They advertise that they have double hung windows. Instead of what they normally say, I think that they should say, "double hung...like a black man's penis." I guarantee that makes them popular with the brothers. And let me tell you, that's a huge market. How many houses are broken into in black neighborhoods? And what is the point if entry? The window. And how to you breach a window? You break the damn thing.
Well, that is all I have for you tonight. You stay classy, San Diego.
School is going well. Nothing much to report. My mythology class is really interesting. We are reading the Odyssey. I remember reading that in like 7th grade, and I couldn't recall hardly anything about it. It's funny though, as I was reading it, it was kind of like deju va. It was as if I read it just yesterday. Well, I'm exaggerate a little bit, but you get the picture. I remembered more than expected. Enough about that though.
I'm currently watching the Pistons game. They are winning 60-50 at half time. I don't usually watch basketball. Without hockey though, there isn't much else on in terms of sports. I could go on about how much it sucks without hockey, but it would be pointless and a waste of your time. Suffice to say though, I am definitely not pleased about it. Baseball is starting up again soon. A lot of people don't like baseball, but I am not one of them. It is slowly passing football as my second favorite sport. I guess that's what happens when you finally have a competitive team to root for. I'm not expecting a playoff appear by the Tigers this year, but it would be nice. Hopefully they can reach .500 and build from there. I can't wait for the season to start though. I'm more excited this season than I was last season.
I was planning on having a whole post dedicated to the differences between men and women. Of course, I never got around to it. I have decided to post what I have so far, which isn't much. I wanted to think of more, but, like I said, I haven't. Bear in mind that these are my own perception and may be in conflict with reality. You be the judge:
The Difference Between Men and Women
Let's start with orgasms. Women are all over the map. Some girls can only have it with oral sex and it is the rare girl that can have it with intercourse. Some girls need something up their ass to acheive orgasm. Some girls have multipe orgrams. Some girls have to fake orgasms, which brings me to an analogy. The female orgasm is a lot like a flying saucer. Nobody is really sure if they exist, except for the government, but when somebody witnesses one, everybody knows about it. Here is a tip from me to you. If your girlfriend has a friend who is multiorgasmic, I suggest you put a bullet in that girl's head. She'll be putting ideas into you girlfriend, and the only thing that needs to be put into your girlfriend is your cock. Seriously though, that girlfriend will make you look bad for not being able to give your girlfriend an orgasm. Like I said, girls are all over the place, and you don't need somebody else telling your girlfriend what kind of orgasm she should be having. That's also why you don't allow you girlfriend to read Cosmo. It is pure garbage. Never ever ever let your girlfriend read Cosmo. Also, bear in mind that I'm talking about girls that are around 20 here. Older women are more experienced and now what it takes for them to achieve an orgasm.
Okay, moving on to the male. What can I say, it's fairly simple. You stimulate the penis. The penis becomes excited. The penis squirts something out in about ten minutes or less and then it takes a nap. Well, you're probably expecting another analogy, so here goes. The male orgasm is like a firehose. Once the fire's out, that's it. In addition to that, the penis is analogous to a fire truck. This might not make any sense, but hear me out. Okay, so how fast the fire truck can get to the next fire depends upon how old it is. So, the length of the penis nap depends on how old you are, but it usually isn't very long for most people under 40. So, as you can see, it doesn't matter how old a male is. As soon as he is able to have an orgasm, he can have an orgasm. The refractory period grows larger as he gets older, but the mechanism for his orgasm stays the same. Once the plumbing is in place, it's game time for the male.
Well, like I said, that wasn't very long and probably wasn't that funny. I tired. I have a couple of one liners I came up with while listening to commerials during the Piston's game. Here they are:
So, GoodYear's slogan is GoodYear tire and rubber company. Why didn't somebody tell me GoodYear made condoms! I knew there was a deeper meaning to the name GoodYear. I guess my definition of a good year would be 52 times. What about yours?
I'm sure most of you won't get this next one because this is strictly a Michigan company. Let me start off by saying that this is a slogan for a window manufacturer. It isn't really a slogan, it is what they say in their commerials. I think they should add something to what they advertise though. They advertise that they have double hung windows. Instead of what they normally say, I think that they should say, "double hung...like a black man's penis." I guarantee that makes them popular with the brothers. And let me tell you, that's a huge market. How many houses are broken into in black neighborhoods? And what is the point if entry? The window. And how to you breach a window? You break the damn thing.
Well, that is all I have for you tonight. You stay classy, San Diego.
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
Happy Black History Month
I was bored tonight, so I took a few tests. Here are my results:
And just for the record, I'm 20, so that test is fairly accurate.
Just a note to self, I added a new hit counter. That's all I have for now. Stay classy, San Diego!
|
You Have A Type A- Personality |
|
A- You are one of the most balanced people around Motivated and focused, you are good at getting what you want You rule at success, but success doesn't rule you. When it's playtime, you really know how to kick back Whether it's hanging out with friends or doing something you love! You live life to the fullest - encorporating the best of both worlds |
|
You Are 21 Years Old |
|
21 Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax. |
And just for the record, I'm 20, so that test is fairly accurate.
|
Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence |
 You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well. An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly. You are also good at remembering information and convicing someone of your point of view. A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary. You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator. |
Just a note to self, I added a new hit counter. That's all I have for now. Stay classy, San Diego!
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
SpongeBob is...
gay? No, this isn't an insult. I'm not a fan of the show...but, apparently, there is an organization that thinks SpongeBob SquarePants is a tool used to promote the tolerance of homosexuals. Don't believe me? Read it for yourself here.
First off, I want to say that this is ridiculous, if true. I'm going to go off on one of my crazy, raging tangents in about a minute, but I have other things about this issue to discussion. So, I did some more research on this, and I found a website that lists an upcoming episode of SpongeBob SquarePants. The episode is entitled: SpongeBob SquarePants - Spongebob Gay Spectacular. Now, I'm not sure how credible this website is, so I went looking some more. Here is that website, if you're interested.
I searched google with the following search terms: SpongeBob SquarePants Spongebob Gay Spectacular. Yes, the same terms as the name of the suspected episode. I figured it was a good place to continue because it had all the terms I was looking for. I didn't find anymore hard evidence on the existence of the episode, but the original website that I looked at says it airs on January 30th. If you didn't already know, that is the same day as the Iraqi elections. Coincidence? Most likely, but I find it a little ironic. You now, it's like rain...on your civil union day. Nevermind....
Okay, my second order of business is to break down the quote. This quote is from the group that made these outrages accusation. Now, this might be a big shock to all of you...this group was a Christian group! Who would have guessed it! A Christian group that has a problem with the gay agenda! That's like the KKK having a problem with "niggers." Anyways, here is the quote I want to break down:
"We see the video as an insidious means by which the organization is manipulating and potentially brainwashing kids," he said. "It is a classic bait and switch." -- Paul Batura, assistant to Mr. Dobson at Focus on the Family
If you didn't already notice, this quote is from the New York Times article above. Since he mentioned the subject of brainwashing, let's talk about that for a second. His group, Focus on the Family, sees the video as an insidious means by which the organization (the organization that made the supposed video supporting the gay agenda) is manipulating and potentially brainwashing kids. I could be wrong, but doesn't that sound a lot like something religion does to children? Religion has been brainwashing people for thousands of years. Gotta get most people while they're young though, to have the best chance to brainwash them! Let's take a brief look at the religious history of brainwashing, shall we?
The Earth is the center of the universe! The only way people will believe that there is a God is if he's focused solely on humans! Nevermind that there are probably millions of planets just like ours elsewhere in the universe! If there is a God, he is focused solely on Earth because we are so fucking great. Well, as you all probably know, and I really hope you do, the Earth isn't the center of the universe. It isn't even the center of the solar system. Despite that fact, this belief went on for thousands of years. We don't believe that the Earth is the center of the universe anymore, but the affect of that ancient belief is still with us today. What I mean by this is people still think that, if there is a God, he is focused only on humans. Now, to me, that notion is completely insane. If God is the creator of the universe, the alpha and the omega, the being that is everywhere and nowhere at the same time, then why wouldn't he create life elsewhere. Why wouldn't he want as many beings worshipping him as possible? And does anyone else have a problem with God being referred to as a him or a he? It makes me think that the people who created Christianity were all men. Oh...that's right. They were! Okay, this is one of my crazy tangents. Although, I'm not raging quite yet, but stay tuned for that.
Back on topic. The quote referred to a "bait and switch." I'm not a man who knows what that term means, so I looked it up online. Here is the definition:
1. the ploy of offering a person something desirable to gain favor (as political support) then thwarting expectations with something less desirable
So, by that definition, the something desirable is the cartoon character SpongeBob. The something less desirable is homosexuality. By using SpongeBob to promote homosexuality, it is somehow wrong because these assholes say it is. And who the hell decided that homosexuality is less desirable? Oh, that's right religion strikes again! I'm tired of religion telling people what is less desirable for them. If you're attracted to the same sex, how is that less desirable to you? Now, I realize that I am stretching the quote a little bit, but my point remains the same. I'm tired of these self-righteous pussies telling other people what they can and cannot do. I'm tired of the wars caused by religion. I'm tired of the intolerance and prejudices people have because of religion. Basically, I'm sick and tired of religion.
Yes, there was a little rage there. I could have gone off a lot more, but I decided not to just yet. I wanted to point out an article I found from the group that is making these accusations. Here it is. The group said that this is all a big misunderstanding. It says that Dr. Dobson, who supposedly said something about SpongeBob being gay, was misquoted. Basically, he said that his words were misrepresented. But, even if his words were misrepresented, his group doesn't promote tolerance. Here is a direct quote from the article:
"While words like 'diversity' and 'unity' sound harmless — even noble — enough, the reality is they are often used by gay activists as cover for teaching children that homosexuality is the moral and biological equivalent to heterosexuality. And there is ample evidence that the We Are Family Foundation shares — and promotes — that view"
Hell yeah! And there is ample evidence that your group is fucking off its rocker! You mother fuckers are so God damn, and yes, I used God's name in vain, caught up with promoting your religious agenda, you fail to realize that not everyone shares your view! I don't share your view, a lot of other people don't share you view, and quite frankly, you view is a bunch of pie in the sky bullshit. The only reason I have any respect for religion is that it keeps people in line. Some people need religion to act the right way. Myself, I don't need anyone to tell me how to act. I lead my life how I want to and I'm still a good person. I've never killed anyone, I've never been arrested, I don't drink, I don't do drugs, I don't gamble and I call my mother. Basically, I don't have many of the so called "vices" that many religious people have. I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with drinking, drugs or gambling. Quite the contrary. I believe that you should be allowed to live your life however you want to. If you want to do drugs, drink, or gamble, that is fine with me. You aren't having any impact on my life. This goes the same for you religious people out there. If you need the crutch of religion to hold you up, that's fine by me. If you want to believe that there is a God, more power to you. I'll see your ass in hell though.
That post was so long, I think my dick grew a couple inches in the process. Yes, wishful thinking, I know, but a guy can hope. Good night everyone! And just for the record, I'm not gay, but I know some of you intolerant bastards will think that....
First off, I want to say that this is ridiculous, if true. I'm going to go off on one of my crazy, raging tangents in about a minute, but I have other things about this issue to discussion. So, I did some more research on this, and I found a website that lists an upcoming episode of SpongeBob SquarePants. The episode is entitled: SpongeBob SquarePants - Spongebob Gay Spectacular. Now, I'm not sure how credible this website is, so I went looking some more. Here is that website, if you're interested.
I searched google with the following search terms: SpongeBob SquarePants Spongebob Gay Spectacular. Yes, the same terms as the name of the suspected episode. I figured it was a good place to continue because it had all the terms I was looking for. I didn't find anymore hard evidence on the existence of the episode, but the original website that I looked at says it airs on January 30th. If you didn't already know, that is the same day as the Iraqi elections. Coincidence? Most likely, but I find it a little ironic. You now, it's like rain...on your civil union day. Nevermind....
Okay, my second order of business is to break down the quote. This quote is from the group that made these outrages accusation. Now, this might be a big shock to all of you...this group was a Christian group! Who would have guessed it! A Christian group that has a problem with the gay agenda! That's like the KKK having a problem with "niggers." Anyways, here is the quote I want to break down:
"We see the video as an insidious means by which the organization is manipulating and potentially brainwashing kids," he said. "It is a classic bait and switch." -- Paul Batura, assistant to Mr. Dobson at Focus on the Family
If you didn't already notice, this quote is from the New York Times article above. Since he mentioned the subject of brainwashing, let's talk about that for a second. His group, Focus on the Family, sees the video as an insidious means by which the organization (the organization that made the supposed video supporting the gay agenda) is manipulating and potentially brainwashing kids. I could be wrong, but doesn't that sound a lot like something religion does to children? Religion has been brainwashing people for thousands of years. Gotta get most people while they're young though, to have the best chance to brainwash them! Let's take a brief look at the religious history of brainwashing, shall we?
The Earth is the center of the universe! The only way people will believe that there is a God is if he's focused solely on humans! Nevermind that there are probably millions of planets just like ours elsewhere in the universe! If there is a God, he is focused solely on Earth because we are so fucking great. Well, as you all probably know, and I really hope you do, the Earth isn't the center of the universe. It isn't even the center of the solar system. Despite that fact, this belief went on for thousands of years. We don't believe that the Earth is the center of the universe anymore, but the affect of that ancient belief is still with us today. What I mean by this is people still think that, if there is a God, he is focused only on humans. Now, to me, that notion is completely insane. If God is the creator of the universe, the alpha and the omega, the being that is everywhere and nowhere at the same time, then why wouldn't he create life elsewhere. Why wouldn't he want as many beings worshipping him as possible? And does anyone else have a problem with God being referred to as a him or a he? It makes me think that the people who created Christianity were all men. Oh...that's right. They were! Okay, this is one of my crazy tangents. Although, I'm not raging quite yet, but stay tuned for that.
Back on topic. The quote referred to a "bait and switch." I'm not a man who knows what that term means, so I looked it up online. Here is the definition:
1. the ploy of offering a person something desirable to gain favor (as political support) then thwarting expectations with something less desirable
So, by that definition, the something desirable is the cartoon character SpongeBob. The something less desirable is homosexuality. By using SpongeBob to promote homosexuality, it is somehow wrong because these assholes say it is. And who the hell decided that homosexuality is less desirable? Oh, that's right religion strikes again! I'm tired of religion telling people what is less desirable for them. If you're attracted to the same sex, how is that less desirable to you? Now, I realize that I am stretching the quote a little bit, but my point remains the same. I'm tired of these self-righteous pussies telling other people what they can and cannot do. I'm tired of the wars caused by religion. I'm tired of the intolerance and prejudices people have because of religion. Basically, I'm sick and tired of religion.
Yes, there was a little rage there. I could have gone off a lot more, but I decided not to just yet. I wanted to point out an article I found from the group that is making these accusations. Here it is. The group said that this is all a big misunderstanding. It says that Dr. Dobson, who supposedly said something about SpongeBob being gay, was misquoted. Basically, he said that his words were misrepresented. But, even if his words were misrepresented, his group doesn't promote tolerance. Here is a direct quote from the article:
"While words like 'diversity' and 'unity' sound harmless — even noble — enough, the reality is they are often used by gay activists as cover for teaching children that homosexuality is the moral and biological equivalent to heterosexuality. And there is ample evidence that the We Are Family Foundation shares — and promotes — that view"
Hell yeah! And there is ample evidence that your group is fucking off its rocker! You mother fuckers are so God damn, and yes, I used God's name in vain, caught up with promoting your religious agenda, you fail to realize that not everyone shares your view! I don't share your view, a lot of other people don't share you view, and quite frankly, you view is a bunch of pie in the sky bullshit. The only reason I have any respect for religion is that it keeps people in line. Some people need religion to act the right way. Myself, I don't need anyone to tell me how to act. I lead my life how I want to and I'm still a good person. I've never killed anyone, I've never been arrested, I don't drink, I don't do drugs, I don't gamble and I call my mother. Basically, I don't have many of the so called "vices" that many religious people have. I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with drinking, drugs or gambling. Quite the contrary. I believe that you should be allowed to live your life however you want to. If you want to do drugs, drink, or gamble, that is fine with me. You aren't having any impact on my life. This goes the same for you religious people out there. If you need the crutch of religion to hold you up, that's fine by me. If you want to believe that there is a God, more power to you. I'll see your ass in hell though.
That post was so long, I think my dick grew a couple inches in the process. Yes, wishful thinking, I know, but a guy can hope. Good night everyone! And just for the record, I'm not gay, but I know some of you intolerant bastards will think that....
Sunday, January 16, 2005
HERE I AM...
...ROCK YOU LIKE A HURRICANE!
Good evening everyone. I haven't updated in a while, but this will be my third post this month. So, I am starting the new year off on the right foot. I have my first day of class tomorrow, which should be fun. I spent the day with my grandma today and we watched football. She fell down and possibly broke her arm the other day, but she refused to go to the hospital that day/today because she wanted to watch football. I guess she has a high tolerance for pain. I know my ass would be at the hospital immediately.
Only one of the teams that I wanted to win did. I wanted the Rams, the Jets, and the Colts to win, but they didn't. Instead, the Falcons, the Steelers (those lucky bastards), and the Patriots won. The only team that won that I wanted to win was the Eagles. I can't stand the Vikings, partly because they are in the same division as my Lions, and partly because I can't stand Randy Moss. I wasn't as outraged as some people over his whole mooning incident, but I didn't apperiate his comment after he got fined. He got fined 10,000 dollars and, when asked about how he felt about it, he said something like, "what's 10,000 dollars to me?"
Now, the reason I was angry about his comment is because I barely make over 10,000 dollars a year. I'm still in college, so I won't be making 10,000 a year for very long (hopefully), but it just got me thinking how lucky some people are to have a skill like Randy Moss has. Sports stars, movie stars, rock stars, etc. It makes me wish I had one talent that I could make some money off of. I guess everyone has that wish, but comments like that make me realize it even more.
Anyways, I'm doing rambling on about things I can't change. Good night everyone!
Good evening everyone. I haven't updated in a while, but this will be my third post this month. So, I am starting the new year off on the right foot. I have my first day of class tomorrow, which should be fun. I spent the day with my grandma today and we watched football. She fell down and possibly broke her arm the other day, but she refused to go to the hospital that day/today because she wanted to watch football. I guess she has a high tolerance for pain. I know my ass would be at the hospital immediately.
Only one of the teams that I wanted to win did. I wanted the Rams, the Jets, and the Colts to win, but they didn't. Instead, the Falcons, the Steelers (those lucky bastards), and the Patriots won. The only team that won that I wanted to win was the Eagles. I can't stand the Vikings, partly because they are in the same division as my Lions, and partly because I can't stand Randy Moss. I wasn't as outraged as some people over his whole mooning incident, but I didn't apperiate his comment after he got fined. He got fined 10,000 dollars and, when asked about how he felt about it, he said something like, "what's 10,000 dollars to me?"
Now, the reason I was angry about his comment is because I barely make over 10,000 dollars a year. I'm still in college, so I won't be making 10,000 a year for very long (hopefully), but it just got me thinking how lucky some people are to have a skill like Randy Moss has. Sports stars, movie stars, rock stars, etc. It makes me wish I had one talent that I could make some money off of. I guess everyone has that wish, but comments like that make me realize it even more.
Anyways, I'm doing rambling on about things I can't change. Good night everyone!
Thursday, January 06, 2005
More Snow!
Hooray! I just got done shoveling more snow. I shoveled my driveway and my grandma's driveway, with the help of my dad. Now I'm just sitting here relaxing. I don't know what compelled me to update again, but I did. That should be a good enough reason for you.
I start school again on January 17th. I am not too excited about this semester. I am still at a community college and I still don't know what I'm going to do for a career. I guess I should know what I want to do by now and I should definitely be at a university of some sort. I really need to figure all this out, so I have a lot of thinking to do between now and the fall semester.
Well, that is all I have for you right now. Here are my results for a quiz I just finished:
End of transmission....
I start school again on January 17th. I am not too excited about this semester. I am still at a community college and I still don't know what I'm going to do for a career. I guess I should know what I want to do by now and I should definitely be at a university of some sort. I really need to figure all this out, so I have a lot of thinking to do between now and the fall semester.
Well, that is all I have for you right now. Here are my results for a quiz I just finished:
 | You scored as Chandler. You're Chandler. The sarcastic commitment phobe. Could you BE any funnier.
Which Friend are you? created with QuizFarm.com |
End of transmission....
Wednesday, January 05, 2005
Bring On Global Warming!
Sorry for the lack of updates again, but I just can't seem to find the will/time to update. Let me start off by saying that I hate snow. I hate driving in it, I hate shoveling it, and I hate seeing it. I'm either going to move to California or Florida, or hope that global warming happens before I die. If so, I can stay in Michigan because I am one of the few people that actually likes living here. I don't love it, but it is not too bad. To put it plainly, there are worse places to live in America, in my opinion. I'm not saying that Michigan is the best, but it isn't that bad.
In other news, this is my first post of the new years. I only posted twice in December, so I guess my New Year's Resolution will be to update more often and masturbate less. Oh, and get a girl friend, which will probably lessen my masturbation needs. You probably didn't want to hear that, but hey, you just did.
I had a rather enjoyable Christmas vacation. Spent some time with my family, got lots of presents, you know, the usual. I worked on Christmas and got time and a half for it. I get paid for that tomorrow and that is a good thing because I had to take my car in to fix my tires and brakes, which cost me about 80 bucks. Also, I have to pay some medical bills for my ulcer episode, so I am just a never ending pile of bills right now. Well, what can you do, it's a welcome to the real world for me.
Um, nothing much else to say really. Good update, I'll see you out there.
And for those of you that don't know, that last line there (good update...) was an Old School reference. I substituted a word, but still a reference. Oh, and if you haven't seen Old School yet, I suggest you do because it is a great movie. Good night everyone!
In other news, this is my first post of the new years. I only posted twice in December, so I guess my New Year's Resolution will be to update more often and masturbate less. Oh, and get a girl friend, which will probably lessen my masturbation needs. You probably didn't want to hear that, but hey, you just did.
I had a rather enjoyable Christmas vacation. Spent some time with my family, got lots of presents, you know, the usual. I worked on Christmas and got time and a half for it. I get paid for that tomorrow and that is a good thing because I had to take my car in to fix my tires and brakes, which cost me about 80 bucks. Also, I have to pay some medical bills for my ulcer episode, so I am just a never ending pile of bills right now. Well, what can you do, it's a welcome to the real world for me.
Um, nothing much else to say really. Good update, I'll see you out there.
And for those of you that don't know, that last line there (good update...) was an Old School reference. I substituted a word, but still a reference. Oh, and if you haven't seen Old School yet, I suggest you do because it is a great movie. Good night everyone!
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
Hello!
Well, I know a promised a barrage of updates once my college semester ended, but I guess it just isn't in the cards this time of year. After Christmas, I will hopefully update more often. I guess you'll just have to wait and see.
Anyways, here is a mini update. I did well in all my classes this semester. I got an A in Political Science, an A in Philosophy, and an A in Bowling (like that was hard). Good for me, I guess, I really don't like to talk much about my accomplishments, so moving on.
I spent the last two days over my grandma's house. I haven't seen her in a while, so it was nice to spend some time with her. We went Christmas shopping and it wasn't too bad, even though I hate shopping. I did all of my Christmas shopping on the Internet this year and I don't understand why more people don't do the Internet shopping thing. For one, there aren't any lines on the Internet. For two, it is usually cheaper to shop on the Internet (in my experience). For three, you don't have to pay taxes on the Internet (at least in Michigan). I could go on and on about the benefits of Internet shopping, but I won't.
I was watching CNN today and there was a story about those god damn magnets. The story told of the makers of the original magnets and the difference between the original magents and the imitator magnets (here is the link to the original makers). Just for the record, there is a difference between the magnets that this company makes and the magnets that 7-11 sells (the imiator magents). The magnets that Magnet America sells are made in America and this company actually donates some of its profits to the troops (possibly all of its profits to the troops, the story didn't really say, but I doubt that all the profits are donated to the troops). Magnet America also came up with the original magnet idea. On the other hand, the magnets that 7-11 sells are the ripped off version, made in Taiwan, and you know damn well that those fucks over at 7-11 keep every penny of the profits. Well, I don't know that for sure, but it wouldn't surprise me. I still have a problem with the magnets, even if some of the profits go to the troops, but I guess it is for a good cause. Well, not really a good cause, I don't agree with the war. Just FYI here people, you can disagree with the war and still support our troops. Having a magnet on the back of your car has nothing to do with supporting our troops, so you won't see one on my car.
Okay, that is enough for tonight. Good night everyone!
Anyways, here is a mini update. I did well in all my classes this semester. I got an A in Political Science, an A in Philosophy, and an A in Bowling (like that was hard). Good for me, I guess, I really don't like to talk much about my accomplishments, so moving on.
I spent the last two days over my grandma's house. I haven't seen her in a while, so it was nice to spend some time with her. We went Christmas shopping and it wasn't too bad, even though I hate shopping. I did all of my Christmas shopping on the Internet this year and I don't understand why more people don't do the Internet shopping thing. For one, there aren't any lines on the Internet. For two, it is usually cheaper to shop on the Internet (in my experience). For three, you don't have to pay taxes on the Internet (at least in Michigan). I could go on and on about the benefits of Internet shopping, but I won't.
I was watching CNN today and there was a story about those god damn magnets. The story told of the makers of the original magnets and the difference between the original magents and the imitator magnets (here is the link to the original makers). Just for the record, there is a difference between the magnets that this company makes and the magnets that 7-11 sells (the imiator magents). The magnets that Magnet America sells are made in America and this company actually donates some of its profits to the troops (possibly all of its profits to the troops, the story didn't really say, but I doubt that all the profits are donated to the troops). Magnet America also came up with the original magnet idea. On the other hand, the magnets that 7-11 sells are the ripped off version, made in Taiwan, and you know damn well that those fucks over at 7-11 keep every penny of the profits. Well, I don't know that for sure, but it wouldn't surprise me. I still have a problem with the magnets, even if some of the profits go to the troops, but I guess it is for a good cause. Well, not really a good cause, I don't agree with the war. Just FYI here people, you can disagree with the war and still support our troops. Having a magnet on the back of your car has nothing to do with supporting our troops, so you won't see one on my car.
Okay, that is enough for tonight. Good night everyone!
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
Bush...A Wise Man?
Well, if you don't know what I'm talking about, click here
If you are too lazy to click here, read this:
"The waxwork tableau at Madame Tussauds museum included U.S. President George W. Bush as one of the three Wise Men, actors Hugh Grant and Samuel Jackson as shepherds and Australian disco diva Kylie Minogue as an angel. 'There is a well-understood tradition that each generation interprets and reinterprets the Nativity . . . but, oh dear!' said Rev. Jonathan Jenkins, spokesman for the archbishop of Canterbury, who leads the world's 77 million Anglicans."
That is one tableau that really tableaus (get it, tab-blows). You don't get it, do you? Anyways, Bush as a Wise Man? Is this some kind of sick joke? I sure hope so, if Bush is a Wise Man, I'm Marry Fucking Poppins.
That is all I have to say really. Just wanted to point that out to everyone. Also, I have some exciting stuff in the works. My school semester ends next Wednesday, which means that you all have a lot of posts to look forward to! Thank you and good night.
If you are too lazy to click here, read this:
"The waxwork tableau at Madame Tussauds museum included U.S. President George W. Bush as one of the three Wise Men, actors Hugh Grant and Samuel Jackson as shepherds and Australian disco diva Kylie Minogue as an angel. 'There is a well-understood tradition that each generation interprets and reinterprets the Nativity . . . but, oh dear!' said Rev. Jonathan Jenkins, spokesman for the archbishop of Canterbury, who leads the world's 77 million Anglicans."
That is one tableau that really tableaus (get it, tab-blows). You don't get it, do you? Anyways, Bush as a Wise Man? Is this some kind of sick joke? I sure hope so, if Bush is a Wise Man, I'm Marry Fucking Poppins.
That is all I have to say really. Just wanted to point that out to everyone. Also, I have some exciting stuff in the works. My school semester ends next Wednesday, which means that you all have a lot of posts to look forward to! Thank you and good night.
Tuesday, November 30, 2004
Magnets
Well, I have finally found the motivation to post again. I guess my Jeezway idea didn't go over too well, only one person commented. Oh well, you win some, you lose some. Anyways, I would like to make a grievance in this post. I'm calling out all you pussies with magnets that say "Support Our Troops" or "Good Bless America" on your car. Yeah, I'm talking to you! Specifically, I'm going to refer to the former magnet in this post (Support Our Troops).
Anyways, here is my problem with these people. I have no problem with people supporting our troops. I have no problem with people saying God bless America. I would just like to ask you one question though. Do you really think you're supporting our troops by having a magnet that says, "Support Our Troops," on your car? I mean, really, is that the best you can do to support your troops? I know, I'll buy a fucking magnet, put it on my car, and I'll look like a real American patriot. Fantastic....
I may be offending people by saying this, but frankly, I don't care. I'm tired of seeing these magnets of every single God damn car I'm behind. I'm tired of selling them to people at 7-11. Yes, the great institution of 7-11 sells these despicable magnets. Shocking! Anything for a buck, and then some. That statement pretty much sums up 7-11, in a nutshell. I would just like to say one thing to all you people with these magnets on your car. Get a fucking clue! Here is how you can REALLY support our troops:
USO
BFS
There you go. Those are just TWO ways that you can REALLY support our troops. Instead of driving around town, with your little magnet decal on the back of you car, you can actually SUPPORT OUR FUCKING TROOPS. Why don't you pull your head out of your ass and do something meaningful? Instead of driving 5 MPH under the speed limit in front of me, with your little magnet decal on the back of your car, you can actually SUPPORT OUR FUCKING TROOPS. You know what you could have done with that five bucks you wasted on that magnet? You could have donated to the above two sites!
Sometimes, I just can't understand people in this country. Everyone is as high as a kite, and they just don't think. I'm not claiming to be the most thoughtful or intelligent person, but I'm not going to buy a magnet, stick it on my car, and then pretend like I'm some great big patriot. If I was to do anything, I'd donate to those above two sites. In other words, I'd actually do something meaningful. Or, if I was really adamant about the war, which I'm not, I'd go sign myself up for the army.
If you support the war, and are in the prime age range for the service, go ahead and sign up. Instead of having a magnet decal on your car, you can go be one of our troops, and people will SUPPORT YOU. Don't get me wrong here, I'm not saying that people who support the war should join the service. I just want people to stop pretending like they're supporting our troops, when in reality, all they are doing is driving around with a "Support Our Troops" magnet on the back of their car. And like I said, if you are really adamant about the war, go ahead and sign up. I don't care if you're in college, don't use that as an excuse, go ahead and sign up. Don't let other people fight for your cause, if you really support the war effort, go ahead and join.
What does Support Our Troops really mean? Does it mean that we should support the war? If so, I don't support our troops. Does it mean that we should support the men and women fighting the war? If so, I do support our troops. Does it mean that we should all go out and buy "Support Our Troops" magnets? If so, I don't support our troops. Does it mean that we can't critize the military actions of our government? If so, I don't support our troops. I will critize the government until I'm blue in the face. Even if John Kerry had won, I would have been critizing him, and the rest of the government, if I thought they were doing something that I didn't agree with.
Basically, I'm just rambling on at this point, so I'll cut to the chase. I want people to put their money where their mouth is. Instead of spouting phrases like, "Support Our Troops," I want you to really think about what you're saying. Instead of putting a "Support Our Troops" magnet on the back of your car, I want you to realize that you're doing absolutely nothing by having it there. Well, besides pissing me off, of course. If that is your aim, you have succeeded, but if your aim was to support our troops, you have failed.
In closing, if you are one of the people I am speaking about in this post, please take the magnet off your car. Even if you don't, realize one thing. You are doing nothing to support our troops. Unless you have a family member in the service, you have no right to have that magnet on your car. It isn't okay, at least in my eyes, to put a "Support Our Troops" magnet on the back of your car, and then do nothing else to support our troops. And like I said, if you are of age to join the service, go ahead and do it. If you really support the war, go ahead and do it. I just hope that all those people with the "Support Our Troops" magnets are praying for you.
Well, that is enough of my ranting. Good night everyone.
Anyways, here is my problem with these people. I have no problem with people supporting our troops. I have no problem with people saying God bless America. I would just like to ask you one question though. Do you really think you're supporting our troops by having a magnet that says, "Support Our Troops," on your car? I mean, really, is that the best you can do to support your troops? I know, I'll buy a fucking magnet, put it on my car, and I'll look like a real American patriot. Fantastic....
I may be offending people by saying this, but frankly, I don't care. I'm tired of seeing these magnets of every single God damn car I'm behind. I'm tired of selling them to people at 7-11. Yes, the great institution of 7-11 sells these despicable magnets. Shocking! Anything for a buck, and then some. That statement pretty much sums up 7-11, in a nutshell. I would just like to say one thing to all you people with these magnets on your car. Get a fucking clue! Here is how you can REALLY support our troops:
USO
BFS
There you go. Those are just TWO ways that you can REALLY support our troops. Instead of driving around town, with your little magnet decal on the back of you car, you can actually SUPPORT OUR FUCKING TROOPS. Why don't you pull your head out of your ass and do something meaningful? Instead of driving 5 MPH under the speed limit in front of me, with your little magnet decal on the back of your car, you can actually SUPPORT OUR FUCKING TROOPS. You know what you could have done with that five bucks you wasted on that magnet? You could have donated to the above two sites!
Sometimes, I just can't understand people in this country. Everyone is as high as a kite, and they just don't think. I'm not claiming to be the most thoughtful or intelligent person, but I'm not going to buy a magnet, stick it on my car, and then pretend like I'm some great big patriot. If I was to do anything, I'd donate to those above two sites. In other words, I'd actually do something meaningful. Or, if I was really adamant about the war, which I'm not, I'd go sign myself up for the army.
If you support the war, and are in the prime age range for the service, go ahead and sign up. Instead of having a magnet decal on your car, you can go be one of our troops, and people will SUPPORT YOU. Don't get me wrong here, I'm not saying that people who support the war should join the service. I just want people to stop pretending like they're supporting our troops, when in reality, all they are doing is driving around with a "Support Our Troops" magnet on the back of their car. And like I said, if you are really adamant about the war, go ahead and sign up. I don't care if you're in college, don't use that as an excuse, go ahead and sign up. Don't let other people fight for your cause, if you really support the war effort, go ahead and join.
What does Support Our Troops really mean? Does it mean that we should support the war? If so, I don't support our troops. Does it mean that we should support the men and women fighting the war? If so, I do support our troops. Does it mean that we should all go out and buy "Support Our Troops" magnets? If so, I don't support our troops. Does it mean that we can't critize the military actions of our government? If so, I don't support our troops. I will critize the government until I'm blue in the face. Even if John Kerry had won, I would have been critizing him, and the rest of the government, if I thought they were doing something that I didn't agree with.
Basically, I'm just rambling on at this point, so I'll cut to the chase. I want people to put their money where their mouth is. Instead of spouting phrases like, "Support Our Troops," I want you to really think about what you're saying. Instead of putting a "Support Our Troops" magnet on the back of your car, I want you to realize that you're doing absolutely nothing by having it there. Well, besides pissing me off, of course. If that is your aim, you have succeeded, but if your aim was to support our troops, you have failed.
In closing, if you are one of the people I am speaking about in this post, please take the magnet off your car. Even if you don't, realize one thing. You are doing nothing to support our troops. Unless you have a family member in the service, you have no right to have that magnet on your car. It isn't okay, at least in my eyes, to put a "Support Our Troops" magnet on the back of your car, and then do nothing else to support our troops. And like I said, if you are of age to join the service, go ahead and do it. If you really support the war, go ahead and do it. I just hope that all those people with the "Support Our Troops" magnets are praying for you.
Well, that is enough of my ranting. Good night everyone.
Saturday, November 27, 2004
An Update on a Lack of Updates
Well, I looked at my profile just now and I noticed that my average posts per week is down to just one. That has got to change. I'd like it to be up to three, so maybe you'll see me posting more often. Who knows? I don't have much to talk about really, but I do have a one observation to make, which will provide a nice segue into one of my ideas.
Is it just me, or do a lot of seemingly great ideas come to you in the shower? I say seemingly because I am not sure if any of my ideas are really great ideas. Anyways, I was just wondering if anyone else noticed that. Actually, a lot of my ideas come to me when I'm in the bathroom. For example, my idea for a Christian convenience store, Jeezway. That idea came to me when I was going to the bathroom at my grandpa's funeral. I was obviously in the bathroom, I wasn't actually going to the bathroom at my grandpa's funeral. That would have been slightly awkward....
Anyways, on with the Jeezway idea. Okay, so I have told some of my friends this idea and most of them think that it is the best idea since the Jump to Conclusions Mat! I know what you're thinking to yourself now, "Self, what is Jeezway?" Well, let me answer your question. Jeezway is my idea for a Christian (or religious) based convenience store. It's not just a convenience store, it is also a funeral home and restaurant. So, it is basically a funeral home/convenience store/restaurant, all in one. It is such a great idea, I probably shouldn't be talking about it so openly on this blog. If anyone steals my idea, I will hunt you down and kill you!
Alright, on with the premise of my Jeezway idea. I'll start with the funeral home aspect. You know how when you're at a funeral home, and you're all like, damn, I need to go get something to eat. Well, this is where Jeezway comes in. Remember, Jeezway is a funeral home/convenience store/restaurant. So, that means that you can get a bite to eat at the restaurant, or you can get a snack at the convenience store. Sounds too good to be true? Of course it isn't!
It is important for me to reiterate this. Jeezway is a funeral home, with a restaurant and convenience store attached to it. But allow me to discuss the finer points of my idea. At Jeezway, we keep the dead bodies in the cooler of the convenience store. It is a cost savings maneuver, and it is also one of our trademark practices. Basically, we kill two birds with one stone, and it also gives us something that looks good in a brochure. It is a resume builder, if you will.
As you can see, I have thought long and hard about this. While thinking about my idea, I tried to come up with the perfect slogan for Jeezway. Those bastards over at 7-11 already stole the one that I wanted to use, so I had to come up with a new one. Seriously though, don't you think that Oh Thank Heaven should be reserved for a Christian convenience store? I do, and after I establish my Christian convenience store empire, I shall sue 7-11 for all its worth. Anyways, I couldn't come up with a slogan, so I went to this website and used the first slogan it came up with. Here is Jeezway's slogan: A Jeezway A Day Helps You Work, Rest and Play. Not bad, it is a little odd, but it is better than anything I could come up with.
Okay, so now that I have my quaint slogan in place, I can start telling you about the products that I will sell at the convenience store. All of our wine will be labeled the blood of christ, for obvious reasons. As you know, most religious people like their ceremonial wine, and who am I to judge? After I've won my holy crusade (lawsuit) against 7-11, Jeezway will have religious themed slurpees. How does Jesusberry Blue and Mountain Jew sound? The possibilities are endless! Jeezway will sell everything a normal convenience store does. The only difference is, we are a store of "moral" values, and that is what the American people want. This is capitalism at its finest people.
Well, this post is longer than I wanted it to be. I wish I could say the same thing about my penis, but that is neither her nor there. Anyways, thanks for reading my blog and I hope you liked my Jeezway idea. Leave me a comment, even if you hated it.
Oh, and just for the record, I am an atheist and this whole Jeezway idea was just a joke. It was my attempt at being funny, and I have probably failed miserably. If I offended you in any way, I apologize. Even if you don't forgive me, I know God will because God forgives everyone. And remember, Jesus saves and the black man slaves! And no, I am not racist either, I'm just an asshole. Thank you and good night.
Is it just me, or do a lot of seemingly great ideas come to you in the shower? I say seemingly because I am not sure if any of my ideas are really great ideas. Anyways, I was just wondering if anyone else noticed that. Actually, a lot of my ideas come to me when I'm in the bathroom. For example, my idea for a Christian convenience store, Jeezway. That idea came to me when I was going to the bathroom at my grandpa's funeral. I was obviously in the bathroom, I wasn't actually going to the bathroom at my grandpa's funeral. That would have been slightly awkward....
Anyways, on with the Jeezway idea. Okay, so I have told some of my friends this idea and most of them think that it is the best idea since the Jump to Conclusions Mat! I know what you're thinking to yourself now, "Self, what is Jeezway?" Well, let me answer your question. Jeezway is my idea for a Christian (or religious) based convenience store. It's not just a convenience store, it is also a funeral home and restaurant. So, it is basically a funeral home/convenience store/restaurant, all in one. It is such a great idea, I probably shouldn't be talking about it so openly on this blog. If anyone steals my idea, I will hunt you down and kill you!
Alright, on with the premise of my Jeezway idea. I'll start with the funeral home aspect. You know how when you're at a funeral home, and you're all like, damn, I need to go get something to eat. Well, this is where Jeezway comes in. Remember, Jeezway is a funeral home/convenience store/restaurant. So, that means that you can get a bite to eat at the restaurant, or you can get a snack at the convenience store. Sounds too good to be true? Of course it isn't!
It is important for me to reiterate this. Jeezway is a funeral home, with a restaurant and convenience store attached to it. But allow me to discuss the finer points of my idea. At Jeezway, we keep the dead bodies in the cooler of the convenience store. It is a cost savings maneuver, and it is also one of our trademark practices. Basically, we kill two birds with one stone, and it also gives us something that looks good in a brochure. It is a resume builder, if you will.
As you can see, I have thought long and hard about this. While thinking about my idea, I tried to come up with the perfect slogan for Jeezway. Those bastards over at 7-11 already stole the one that I wanted to use, so I had to come up with a new one. Seriously though, don't you think that Oh Thank Heaven should be reserved for a Christian convenience store? I do, and after I establish my Christian convenience store empire, I shall sue 7-11 for all its worth. Anyways, I couldn't come up with a slogan, so I went to this website and used the first slogan it came up with. Here is Jeezway's slogan: A Jeezway A Day Helps You Work, Rest and Play. Not bad, it is a little odd, but it is better than anything I could come up with.
Okay, so now that I have my quaint slogan in place, I can start telling you about the products that I will sell at the convenience store. All of our wine will be labeled the blood of christ, for obvious reasons. As you know, most religious people like their ceremonial wine, and who am I to judge? After I've won my holy crusade (lawsuit) against 7-11, Jeezway will have religious themed slurpees. How does Jesusberry Blue and Mountain Jew sound? The possibilities are endless! Jeezway will sell everything a normal convenience store does. The only difference is, we are a store of "moral" values, and that is what the American people want. This is capitalism at its finest people.
Well, this post is longer than I wanted it to be. I wish I could say the same thing about my penis, but that is neither her nor there. Anyways, thanks for reading my blog and I hope you liked my Jeezway idea. Leave me a comment, even if you hated it.
Oh, and just for the record, I am an atheist and this whole Jeezway idea was just a joke. It was my attempt at being funny, and I have probably failed miserably. If I offended you in any way, I apologize. Even if you don't forgive me, I know God will because God forgives everyone. And remember, Jesus saves and the black man slaves! And no, I am not racist either, I'm just an asshole. Thank you and good night.
Wednesday, November 17, 2004
Well, well, well
Well, it turns out that I have ulcers in my stomach. I went to the hospital on Tuesday, they did their thing, and they found multiple ulcers in my stomach. I am on Prevaid now, and also Carafate, so good times. I am feeling a little better, but still not like myself. My grandma, who is a nurse, said that the Carafate will allow me to eat whatever I want again, eventually. I sure hope she is right, I'm 20 years old, and this kind of shit is ridiculous at my age. I wish I knew what caused the ulcers, then I would have obviously stopped doing whatever it was. Most of my family says I worry too much, and that is what caused it, but I just don't know. I was looking around the Internet, and it said that ulcers are not caused by worrying, but worrying can be a contributing factor.
In other news, I'm sure you've all heard about the whole Terrell Owens-Nicollette Sheridan controversy that happend before Monday Night Football. If you haven't, check it out here. I really don't see what the big deal is, but leave it to the Media to make a big deal out of it. Don't you just love the logic of the Media. Gee, I know, why don't we play the clip over and over, that way we can show the world just how horrible the clip was! Meanwhile, millions of people, who wouldn't have seen it otherwise, get to see it! Fantastic, and everybody is okay with this? I mean, I didn't have a problem with the clip to begin with, but you don't hear anyone, at least to my knowledge, crying foul on the replaying of the clip.
I guess most people are mad because the original airing of the clip was during prime time, but I guarantee you, I guarantee you, if you watch some of these reality shows, you'll see much worse, in terms of tasteless entertainment. I mean really, everybody is okay with people transferring insects into a bowl on Fear Factor, and yet, some people are worried about a clip that didn't even show anything? To me, people partically eating insects if far more tasteless than that Monday Night Football clip, in more ways than one. Listen up people, the Monday Night Football clip was somewhat funny, didn't show any nudity, and actually did a good job of promoting Desperate Housewives. Although, it had nothing to do with football, but I still don't see the problem.
I attribute the controversy to a bunch of religious nut jobs, soccer moms, and retirees in Florida (which I have renamed the Dumb Fuck State, instead of the Sunshine State) calling up ABC and complaining. Some people have nothing better to do with their time. Well, I should talk, here I am writing a post about it! Anyways, my point remains the same. Listen up people, we have bigger fish to fry. We've got a war going on Iraq, and yet, people continue to keep their focus on things that don't really matter. Every time a dumb ass news story like this comes up, there is less time devoted to the more important news. In closing, I would just like to say that the American Media is a big joke, but I'm sure most of you already know that by now.
Well, that is all I have for you tonight. I was looking for the clip of the aforementioned Monday Night Football controversy, but I couldn't find a website that has the clip. If you haven't seen it, just watch the news tonight, I'm sure it will be played a million more times between now and five minutes from now. Anyways, good night everyone.
In other news, I'm sure you've all heard about the whole Terrell Owens-Nicollette Sheridan controversy that happend before Monday Night Football. If you haven't, check it out here. I really don't see what the big deal is, but leave it to the Media to make a big deal out of it. Don't you just love the logic of the Media. Gee, I know, why don't we play the clip over and over, that way we can show the world just how horrible the clip was! Meanwhile, millions of people, who wouldn't have seen it otherwise, get to see it! Fantastic, and everybody is okay with this? I mean, I didn't have a problem with the clip to begin with, but you don't hear anyone, at least to my knowledge, crying foul on the replaying of the clip.
I guess most people are mad because the original airing of the clip was during prime time, but I guarantee you, I guarantee you, if you watch some of these reality shows, you'll see much worse, in terms of tasteless entertainment. I mean really, everybody is okay with people transferring insects into a bowl on Fear Factor, and yet, some people are worried about a clip that didn't even show anything? To me, people partically eating insects if far more tasteless than that Monday Night Football clip, in more ways than one. Listen up people, the Monday Night Football clip was somewhat funny, didn't show any nudity, and actually did a good job of promoting Desperate Housewives. Although, it had nothing to do with football, but I still don't see the problem.
I attribute the controversy to a bunch of religious nut jobs, soccer moms, and retirees in Florida (which I have renamed the Dumb Fuck State, instead of the Sunshine State) calling up ABC and complaining. Some people have nothing better to do with their time. Well, I should talk, here I am writing a post about it! Anyways, my point remains the same. Listen up people, we have bigger fish to fry. We've got a war going on Iraq, and yet, people continue to keep their focus on things that don't really matter. Every time a dumb ass news story like this comes up, there is less time devoted to the more important news. In closing, I would just like to say that the American Media is a big joke, but I'm sure most of you already know that by now.
Well, that is all I have for you tonight. I was looking for the clip of the aforementioned Monday Night Football controversy, but I couldn't find a website that has the clip. If you haven't seen it, just watch the news tonight, I'm sure it will be played a million more times between now and five minutes from now. Anyways, good night everyone.
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
Hey Everyone
Just to let everyone know, I haven't dropped off the face of the Earth. I have just been really busy with school and work lately, so that is the main reason for my lack of updates. I promised a top ten list of my ten favorite Bushisms, and since he was elected, I guess I can still do that sometime later. For now, I'd just like to say that I'm not very happy with the results, but what can you really do? I guess we'll just have to wait and see what happens, but I'm not very optimistic about anything right now.
An update on my health status. I am feeling a lot better, but still not 100%. I went to the hospital for a test today, and they did an ultrasound on my abdomen. If everything is well, I won't know until my doctors appointment in December (unless I call them). If everything is not well, they will call me and tell me what's up. I really hope everything is fine, but I have another appointment next Tuesday. Next Tuesday, they are going to put me under and look for an ulcer in my stomach. It should be bad times, this is the one I'm not looking forward. Today was a walk in the park compared to this one. I'm not exactly sure how they are going to do it, but I guess they use some sort of device, and they stick that device down my throat and it eventually reaches me stomach. I'll be sure to ask though, before they put me under.
Anyways, that is all I wanted to say tonight. Thank you and good night.
An update on my health status. I am feeling a lot better, but still not 100%. I went to the hospital for a test today, and they did an ultrasound on my abdomen. If everything is well, I won't know until my doctors appointment in December (unless I call them). If everything is not well, they will call me and tell me what's up. I really hope everything is fine, but I have another appointment next Tuesday. Next Tuesday, they are going to put me under and look for an ulcer in my stomach. It should be bad times, this is the one I'm not looking forward. Today was a walk in the park compared to this one. I'm not exactly sure how they are going to do it, but I guess they use some sort of device, and they stick that device down my throat and it eventually reaches me stomach. I'll be sure to ask though, before they put me under.
Anyways, that is all I wanted to say tonight. Thank you and good night.
Sunday, October 31, 2004
Happy Halloween
Hey everybody, Happy Halloween! Boy, it sure has been an eerie week, for myself included. I guess I'll start with myself, and then I'll point out some more eerie occurrences.
Last Sunday, at around 1 in the morning, I went to the emergency room. I was throwing up blood, which has never happened before to me in my life. The doctors did a blood test, took an x-ray, put me on an IV, and all of that jazz. I was there for around four hours, and it was apparently a busy night for them. I heard that two ambulances collided, so that delayed things even further for me. Anyways, the doctors finally came back to me and told me that they thought it was the stomach flu. I don't know if I agree with them, but hey, I'm not a doctor. I have a doctors appointment on Tuesday, so we'll see how that goes. Also, I am having a hard time breathing right now. Sometimes, when I breathe in, it hurts, so that can't be good. Other than that, I'm fine. Like I said, I'll be seeing the doctor on Tuesday, so I should be able to manage until then.
I would just like to say congratulations to the Boston Red Soxes. The Curse of the Bambino has finally ended, which means that there are some eerie things going on this week....
I would like to point out a quote that I read recently in a USA Today article. This is regarding the presidential elections:
Kerry recalled a man who phoned a radio show about a year ago "when things weren't going so well" for the campaign. "Thinking they were just cutting me right to the quick, they said, 'John Kerry won't be president until the Red Sox win the World Series.' " Source
As I said, very strange things are going on. Check this out:
Since the Redskins became the Redskins in 1933, the result of the team's final home game before the presidential election has correctly predicted the White House winner. If the Redskins win, the incumbent party wins. If they lose, the incumbent party is ousted. Source
For those of you who don't know, the Redskins lost today, at home, to the Packers. This is very interesting stuff. If that wasn't enough, check this out:
Kid power! Democrat John Kerry is the winner, and the rest of the country should pay attention because the vote on Nickelodeon's Web site has correctly chosen the president of the United States in the past four elections. Source
Are all of these things possible harbingers? I really don't know, but I do know one thing. This election will probably be one of the most contested elections in the history of this country. No matter who wins, no one will have confidence in the results. This election could be worse than the 2000 election. I'm sure most of you already know this, but it is worth pointing out again. I have decided to vote for Kerry, but I would just like to say that I really hope that someone wins in an uncontested manner. I really don't think this country can take another election like 2000, and like I said, this one could be worse. Anyways, that is all I have for you tonight. Have a Happy Halloween!
Last Sunday, at around 1 in the morning, I went to the emergency room. I was throwing up blood, which has never happened before to me in my life. The doctors did a blood test, took an x-ray, put me on an IV, and all of that jazz. I was there for around four hours, and it was apparently a busy night for them. I heard that two ambulances collided, so that delayed things even further for me. Anyways, the doctors finally came back to me and told me that they thought it was the stomach flu. I don't know if I agree with them, but hey, I'm not a doctor. I have a doctors appointment on Tuesday, so we'll see how that goes. Also, I am having a hard time breathing right now. Sometimes, when I breathe in, it hurts, so that can't be good. Other than that, I'm fine. Like I said, I'll be seeing the doctor on Tuesday, so I should be able to manage until then.
I would just like to say congratulations to the Boston Red Soxes. The Curse of the Bambino has finally ended, which means that there are some eerie things going on this week....
I would like to point out a quote that I read recently in a USA Today article. This is regarding the presidential elections:
Kerry recalled a man who phoned a radio show about a year ago "when things weren't going so well" for the campaign. "Thinking they were just cutting me right to the quick, they said, 'John Kerry won't be president until the Red Sox win the World Series.' " Source
As I said, very strange things are going on. Check this out:
Since the Redskins became the Redskins in 1933, the result of the team's final home game before the presidential election has correctly predicted the White House winner. If the Redskins win, the incumbent party wins. If they lose, the incumbent party is ousted. Source
For those of you who don't know, the Redskins lost today, at home, to the Packers. This is very interesting stuff. If that wasn't enough, check this out:
Kid power! Democrat John Kerry is the winner, and the rest of the country should pay attention because the vote on Nickelodeon's Web site has correctly chosen the president of the United States in the past four elections. Source
Are all of these things possible harbingers? I really don't know, but I do know one thing. This election will probably be one of the most contested elections in the history of this country. No matter who wins, no one will have confidence in the results. This election could be worse than the 2000 election. I'm sure most of you already know this, but it is worth pointing out again. I have decided to vote for Kerry, but I would just like to say that I really hope that someone wins in an uncontested manner. I really don't think this country can take another election like 2000, and like I said, this one could be worse. Anyways, that is all I have for you tonight. Have a Happy Halloween!
Thursday, October 21, 2004
Hooray Boston...Go Houston!
Imagine that. Coming back from a 3-0 deficit. I couldn't be happier for the Red Soxes. I think I speak for just about everyone when I say, "I absolutely hate the Yankees." I hope the Red Soxes go on to win the title, they are definitely due for one.
On another note, did anyone else notice that there could be a possible Texas vs. Massachusetts matchup in the World Series? Could the World Series be a possible harbinger of things to come in the presidential election? Do I say possible too much? At this point, I hate to speculate on anything. However, I will speculate if the Astros win tonight.
Look for some possible speculation tomorrow, and also my top ten favorite Bushisms. That is all I have for this update, thank you for reading.
On another note, did anyone else notice that there could be a possible Texas vs. Massachusetts matchup in the World Series? Could the World Series be a possible harbinger of things to come in the presidential election? Do I say possible too much? At this point, I hate to speculate on anything. However, I will speculate if the Astros win tonight.
Look for some possible speculation tomorrow, and also my top ten favorite Bushisms. That is all I have for this update, thank you for reading.
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
Bush
Okay, I wanted to post this the night I heard about it. I believe I heard it on the 17th, but I never got around to it. Better late than never, so here goes:
United States President George W. Bush surprised his listeners at a campaign rally by seeming to oppose, then favour, then oppose replacing the all-volunteer US military with a draft.
"Our all-volunteer Army will remain an all-volunteer Army," Bush began, to cheers from supporters in Florida.
"After standing on the stage, after the debates, I made it very plain we will not have an all-volunteer Army. And yet this week ... " he continued, before suddenly realising the gaffe and shouting: "We will have an all-volunteer Army. Let me restate that: We will not have a draft ... The only person talking about a draft is my opponent. The only politicians that supported a draft are Democrats, and the best way to avoid a draft is to vote for me." Source
All I can say is, wow. Imagine yourself talking in front of a large group of people and constantly making mistakes like this. It must really take the wind out of your sails, or kill your momentum at the whim of a hat, as Dubya would say. And yet, he still has many supporters. Now, I don't claim to be the most articulate person in the world. I know damn well I'm not, but this is the leader of the United States we are talking about here.
I could forgive Bush if his slip ups were a rare occurence, but he does it all the damn time. I mean, did it ever occur to anyone that maybe, just maybe, he is lying? I'm sure it has, but I'm going to go out on a limb here and say, if Bush is reelected (and I use the term reelected here loosely), there will be a draft during his second term. If I am wrong, you can come back here and ridicule me. Don't worry, I can take the heat.
Back to Bush's fuck ups though. I mean, really, am I the only one sick and tired of hearing it happen all the time? It seems to me that he either a) doesn't have a firm grasp on the English language, which is true and I guess I can believe that is the sole reason for his mess ups, or b) he can't keep the truth straight, so he slips up all the time. Think about it, if he gets elected, he can pretty much do whatever he wants. He won't have to worry about another term, because he can only have two, so he can essentially do anything, within his power, that he wants.
Please people, there will not be a second coming of Jesus, so let's follow suit and not have a second coming of Bush! Sure, I will miss all the Bushisms, but I'd be willing to give those up to have someone else in office. Seriously though, if Bush isn't elected, he should really look into doing some stand-up. He is one funny son of a bitch.
Don't get me wrong here, I'm not a huge fan of Kerry. As was pointed out already, he'll say anything to get a vote. In politics, that is the name of the game though. Bush does the same thing, to a certain extent, whether you want to believe it or not. Hell, Kerry might reinstate the draft, but I don't think it is as likely with Kerry as president. Even if it is just as likely, then it is a wash, and I would still support Kerry because he is in line with more of my beliefs.
Changing gears here a little bit. A lot of people, especially younger people, think that voting is not important. Well, let me just point out that the next president will appoint hundreds of federal judges, so that will have a huge effect on our federal court system. In addition to that, the next president will appoint (more than likely) three Supreme Court justices.
"Rehnquist, Stevens and O'Connor are expected to retire soon, at least within the next four years. That would give the next president three new justices to appoint, when even one could tip the balance." Read the full article here
That, my friends, will have a major effect on everyone's life, so please go out and vote! Okay, it is time for me to get off my soapbox.... (steps down)
I hope you enjoyed my post. I also have some good news, or bad news, depending on your political orientation. I will do a top ten, and it will be my top ten favorite Bushisms! You all have that to look forward to, possibly tomorrow even. Well, it is getting late, good night everyone.
United States President George W. Bush surprised his listeners at a campaign rally by seeming to oppose, then favour, then oppose replacing the all-volunteer US military with a draft.
"Our all-volunteer Army will remain an all-volunteer Army," Bush began, to cheers from supporters in Florida.
"After standing on the stage, after the debates, I made it very plain we will not have an all-volunteer Army. And yet this week ... " he continued, before suddenly realising the gaffe and shouting: "We will have an all-volunteer Army. Let me restate that: We will not have a draft ... The only person talking about a draft is my opponent. The only politicians that supported a draft are Democrats, and the best way to avoid a draft is to vote for me." Source
All I can say is, wow. Imagine yourself talking in front of a large group of people and constantly making mistakes like this. It must really take the wind out of your sails, or kill your momentum at the whim of a hat, as Dubya would say. And yet, he still has many supporters. Now, I don't claim to be the most articulate person in the world. I know damn well I'm not, but this is the leader of the United States we are talking about here.
I could forgive Bush if his slip ups were a rare occurence, but he does it all the damn time. I mean, did it ever occur to anyone that maybe, just maybe, he is lying? I'm sure it has, but I'm going to go out on a limb here and say, if Bush is reelected (and I use the term reelected here loosely), there will be a draft during his second term. If I am wrong, you can come back here and ridicule me. Don't worry, I can take the heat.
Back to Bush's fuck ups though. I mean, really, am I the only one sick and tired of hearing it happen all the time? It seems to me that he either a) doesn't have a firm grasp on the English language, which is true and I guess I can believe that is the sole reason for his mess ups, or b) he can't keep the truth straight, so he slips up all the time. Think about it, if he gets elected, he can pretty much do whatever he wants. He won't have to worry about another term, because he can only have two, so he can essentially do anything, within his power, that he wants.
Please people, there will not be a second coming of Jesus, so let's follow suit and not have a second coming of Bush! Sure, I will miss all the Bushisms, but I'd be willing to give those up to have someone else in office. Seriously though, if Bush isn't elected, he should really look into doing some stand-up. He is one funny son of a bitch.
Don't get me wrong here, I'm not a huge fan of Kerry. As was pointed out already, he'll say anything to get a vote. In politics, that is the name of the game though. Bush does the same thing, to a certain extent, whether you want to believe it or not. Hell, Kerry might reinstate the draft, but I don't think it is as likely with Kerry as president. Even if it is just as likely, then it is a wash, and I would still support Kerry because he is in line with more of my beliefs.
Changing gears here a little bit. A lot of people, especially younger people, think that voting is not important. Well, let me just point out that the next president will appoint hundreds of federal judges, so that will have a huge effect on our federal court system. In addition to that, the next president will appoint (more than likely) three Supreme Court justices.
"Rehnquist, Stevens and O'Connor are expected to retire soon, at least within the next four years. That would give the next president three new justices to appoint, when even one could tip the balance." Read the full article here
That, my friends, will have a major effect on everyone's life, so please go out and vote! Okay, it is time for me to get off my soapbox.... (steps down)
I hope you enjoyed my post. I also have some good news, or bad news, depending on your political orientation. I will do a top ten, and it will be my top ten favorite Bushisms! You all have that to look forward to, possibly tomorrow even. Well, it is getting late, good night everyone.
Friday, October 15, 2004
We meet again Trebek!
Well, well, well. Look what we have here. It's alive! Yes, I haven't dropped off the face of the earth (yet) and I don't think I will any time soon. I have been fairly busy lately, with school and work, but nothing really interesting to report.
Okay, so I have been really getting into politics lately. I watched all four debates and have been trying to read a few things here and there. I have always leaned toward Kerry. He shares more of my views and I really can't stand Bush. I don't like Kerry much either, but at least he is well-spoken and can actually formulate a coherent setence most of the time. I don't agree with everything he says, but at least I can understand most of it. Oh, and this picture has pretty much sealed the deal for me.
I have a few interesting links for you, so here goes:
Politic Songs
Operation Truth
Freeway Blogger
Here is a funny picture. Now, the argument is not whether or not Bush "owns" a timber company. The point is that the republicians are lying about the amount of small business that will be affected by Kerry's proposed tax increase. Bush made the joke because he had nothing better to say. I thought it was funny (I literally laughed out loud when he said it), but he was just trying to underscore the fact that "the majority of those being counted as 'small businesses' are really individuals who aren't primarily business owners, and a huge number have no employees." That was an excerpt from this article, so go and check it out.
It is is also important to point out this:
"It should also be noted that Kerry is proposing several tax cuts specifically targeted to small businesses, including a refundable tax credit aimed at reducing the cost of health-care benefits, eliminating capital-gains taxes for 'long-term investments' held for five or more years in small businesses, and a "new jobs tax credit" for small businesses that add new jobs in 2005 and 2006. What Kerry is proposing for small business can be found on his website."
That is from the same article. Of course, the republicans wouldn't want you to know that, it would weaken their argument. I can't say that I blame them for trying though.
Well, that is all I have for you tonight. I encourage everyone (yes, even republicans) to leave me a comment. Whatever your political orientation, please leave me a comment, even if you don't agree with me. I welcome dissent because that is what makes people see things from different perspectives and that is what this world (and country) needs more of. If the majority of Americans cared enough about politics to debate with one another, this country would be better off for it. Now, I am not the most informed when it comes to most things, but I try to stay up as much as I can. I hope you all enjoyed this post. Thank you and good night.
Okay, so I have been really getting into politics lately. I watched all four debates and have been trying to read a few things here and there. I have always leaned toward Kerry. He shares more of my views and I really can't stand Bush. I don't like Kerry much either, but at least he is well-spoken and can actually formulate a coherent setence most of the time. I don't agree with everything he says, but at least I can understand most of it. Oh, and this picture has pretty much sealed the deal for me.
I have a few interesting links for you, so here goes:
Politic Songs
Operation Truth
Freeway Blogger
Here is a funny picture. Now, the argument is not whether or not Bush "owns" a timber company. The point is that the republicians are lying about the amount of small business that will be affected by Kerry's proposed tax increase. Bush made the joke because he had nothing better to say. I thought it was funny (I literally laughed out loud when he said it), but he was just trying to underscore the fact that "the majority of those being counted as 'small businesses' are really individuals who aren't primarily business owners, and a huge number have no employees." That was an excerpt from this article, so go and check it out.
It is is also important to point out this:
"It should also be noted that Kerry is proposing several tax cuts specifically targeted to small businesses, including a refundable tax credit aimed at reducing the cost of health-care benefits, eliminating capital-gains taxes for 'long-term investments' held for five or more years in small businesses, and a "new jobs tax credit" for small businesses that add new jobs in 2005 and 2006. What Kerry is proposing for small business can be found on his website."
That is from the same article. Of course, the republicans wouldn't want you to know that, it would weaken their argument. I can't say that I blame them for trying though.
Well, that is all I have for you tonight. I encourage everyone (yes, even republicans) to leave me a comment. Whatever your political orientation, please leave me a comment, even if you don't agree with me. I welcome dissent because that is what makes people see things from different perspectives and that is what this world (and country) needs more of. If the majority of Americans cared enough about politics to debate with one another, this country would be better off for it. Now, I am not the most informed when it comes to most things, but I try to stay up as much as I can. I hope you all enjoyed this post. Thank you and good night.
Monday, September 27, 2004
Bowling Week 3
Well, here is my bowling speech from week 3:
The Lions started out the first week of the football season with a 20-16 victory over the Bears. Kirby’s Heroes started out the first week of the bowling season with a 4-3 victory over Boedeker Construction. As you can see, both of these contests were very close, but the important thing here is that each team came away with the victory. Both teams hoped that this monument would carry them into week two, but still, no one thought much of either team.
These low expectations, coupled with a strong individual performance by each team’s star player, worked to each respective team’s advantage in week two. The Lions came out with a strong 28-16 triumph over the Texans. Kirby, who was at the game, was probably drunk off his ass by the start of the third quarter. In any event, he could attest to the strong individual performance put forth by the Lions star player, Roy Williams. The road to victory was very much the same for Kirby’s Heroes. Kirby’s Heroes came away with a 7-0 demolition of Team Remax. Kirby, who was at the bowling alley (on time, no less), was definitely drunk off his ass by the start of the third game. At any rate, he obviously didn’t miss the strong individual performance by Donnie in the second game. No disrespect to Team Remax though, they were a much more worthily opponent than the Texans were against the Lions.
Coming into week three, the Lions were firing on all cylinders. Too bad they ran out of gas. In a dismal showing, the Eagles destroyed the Lions, 30-13. In other words, the Lions got their asses handed to them by the Eagles. Now, this is where, I believe, we will differ from the Lions. The Lions faced an obviously superior team in week three. To a certain extent, this is also the case for us in week three. Here me out though, before you get all up in arms about me referring to our team as inferior (that isn’t what I mean).
This week, we face Our Gang, who finished in fourth place during the first half of last seasons. During the second half of last season, we finished in fourth place. This is clearly an equal battle, in terms of where each team finished in each half last year. Nevertheless, we are still seen as the inferior team because we are the unproven team. While most of the other teams in this league have been together for many years, we have only been together for one half season of bowling. This means that other teams perceive us to be unproven, and thusly, we are perceived, by other teams, to be the inferior team.
Whether our opponent thinks of us in this way, either consciously or subconsciously, is of no regard to us. In order to gain respect around the league, we must change this perception right now, this very week. We are a young team (except for Kirby, but he is young at heart), which means that we must show this league the youthful vigor that makes us great.
Each of us displays this youthful vigor in different ways. I not only display it by writing speeches, but I also display it by cracking jokes that aren’t funny sometimes. Is my life over just because I’m not funny all of the time? No, nothing is over until I decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no! I will never stop writing speeches and I will never stop trying to be funny.
Okay, moving right along to my good friend Matt, who just oozes youthful vigor (sometimes in his pants). Matt is a good guy and this bowling team would not be complete without him. I mean, if he wasn’t on the team, then who would buy me peanuts every week? Paul, on the other hand, is like a cancer to this team. Just kidding Paul, but lose the hat man, it is a huge distraction to you. Another important note, Paul will be able to drink (legally), next week at bowling, so we all have that to look forward to.
Not much more can be said about Kirby and Donnie. Kirby demonstrates his youthful vigor by being young at heart. In addition to that, he is the heart and soul of this team. Kirby gives this team courage, which is something a cowardly lion is supposed to do, by taking courage away from the other team with his intimidating presence. Donnie, as I said, is the star of this team. He displays his youthful vigor by punching walls and being our clutch bowler. Kirby might disagree, but Donnie is the anchor of this team, and he is the right man for the job. Kirby would also make a great anchor, and he is also good in the clutch, but he always forgets one important detail. In order to be the anchor, you have to be smarter than an actual anchor, which Kirby is not. I’m kidding Kirby, so go have another beer. Oh, and this time, it is on me. I don’t mean that I’ll pay for it, but I’m sure that you’ll spill it on me, at some point during the night.
In closing, I would just like to say thank you for making it this far in my speech. I would also like to point out that I know that the Germans didn’t bomb Pearl Harbor. The Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor, but my point remains the same. Anyways, the person who can tell me which movie that quote came from gets a prize. Again, I thank you for your time and may Allah bless your soul. (end of speech)
It obviously didn't help much, we lost all seven points. I don't know, maybe I jinxed us or something with all the comparisons with the Lions. I don't believe that, but that is what Paul said. Kirby said that I am a good write, but I told him that I wasn't that good (because I'm not). He said that I should send some of my stuff into a newspaper, but I think it was the alcohol talking (he wasn't drunk, but that is what I told him). Anyways, that is all I have to update on for now. Good night everyone.
The Lions started out the first week of the football season with a 20-16 victory over the Bears. Kirby’s Heroes started out the first week of the bowling season with a 4-3 victory over Boedeker Construction. As you can see, both of these contests were very close, but the important thing here is that each team came away with the victory. Both teams hoped that this monument would carry them into week two, but still, no one thought much of either team.
These low expectations, coupled with a strong individual performance by each team’s star player, worked to each respective team’s advantage in week two. The Lions came out with a strong 28-16 triumph over the Texans. Kirby, who was at the game, was probably drunk off his ass by the start of the third quarter. In any event, he could attest to the strong individual performance put forth by the Lions star player, Roy Williams. The road to victory was very much the same for Kirby’s Heroes. Kirby’s Heroes came away with a 7-0 demolition of Team Remax. Kirby, who was at the bowling alley (on time, no less), was definitely drunk off his ass by the start of the third game. At any rate, he obviously didn’t miss the strong individual performance by Donnie in the second game. No disrespect to Team Remax though, they were a much more worthily opponent than the Texans were against the Lions.
Coming into week three, the Lions were firing on all cylinders. Too bad they ran out of gas. In a dismal showing, the Eagles destroyed the Lions, 30-13. In other words, the Lions got their asses handed to them by the Eagles. Now, this is where, I believe, we will differ from the Lions. The Lions faced an obviously superior team in week three. To a certain extent, this is also the case for us in week three. Here me out though, before you get all up in arms about me referring to our team as inferior (that isn’t what I mean).
This week, we face Our Gang, who finished in fourth place during the first half of last seasons. During the second half of last season, we finished in fourth place. This is clearly an equal battle, in terms of where each team finished in each half last year. Nevertheless, we are still seen as the inferior team because we are the unproven team. While most of the other teams in this league have been together for many years, we have only been together for one half season of bowling. This means that other teams perceive us to be unproven, and thusly, we are perceived, by other teams, to be the inferior team.
Whether our opponent thinks of us in this way, either consciously or subconsciously, is of no regard to us. In order to gain respect around the league, we must change this perception right now, this very week. We are a young team (except for Kirby, but he is young at heart), which means that we must show this league the youthful vigor that makes us great.
Each of us displays this youthful vigor in different ways. I not only display it by writing speeches, but I also display it by cracking jokes that aren’t funny sometimes. Is my life over just because I’m not funny all of the time? No, nothing is over until I decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no! I will never stop writing speeches and I will never stop trying to be funny.
Okay, moving right along to my good friend Matt, who just oozes youthful vigor (sometimes in his pants). Matt is a good guy and this bowling team would not be complete without him. I mean, if he wasn’t on the team, then who would buy me peanuts every week? Paul, on the other hand, is like a cancer to this team. Just kidding Paul, but lose the hat man, it is a huge distraction to you. Another important note, Paul will be able to drink (legally), next week at bowling, so we all have that to look forward to.
Not much more can be said about Kirby and Donnie. Kirby demonstrates his youthful vigor by being young at heart. In addition to that, he is the heart and soul of this team. Kirby gives this team courage, which is something a cowardly lion is supposed to do, by taking courage away from the other team with his intimidating presence. Donnie, as I said, is the star of this team. He displays his youthful vigor by punching walls and being our clutch bowler. Kirby might disagree, but Donnie is the anchor of this team, and he is the right man for the job. Kirby would also make a great anchor, and he is also good in the clutch, but he always forgets one important detail. In order to be the anchor, you have to be smarter than an actual anchor, which Kirby is not. I’m kidding Kirby, so go have another beer. Oh, and this time, it is on me. I don’t mean that I’ll pay for it, but I’m sure that you’ll spill it on me, at some point during the night.
In closing, I would just like to say thank you for making it this far in my speech. I would also like to point out that I know that the Germans didn’t bomb Pearl Harbor. The Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor, but my point remains the same. Anyways, the person who can tell me which movie that quote came from gets a prize. Again, I thank you for your time and may Allah bless your soul. (end of speech)
It obviously didn't help much, we lost all seven points. I don't know, maybe I jinxed us or something with all the comparisons with the Lions. I don't believe that, but that is what Paul said. Kirby said that I am a good write, but I told him that I wasn't that good (because I'm not). He said that I should send some of my stuff into a newspaper, but I think it was the alcohol talking (he wasn't drunk, but that is what I told him). Anyways, that is all I have to update on for now. Good night everyone.
Thursday, September 23, 2004
Snood
Well, an update is probably in order, seeing as how I haven't updated in over a week. Not much to talk about though, really. I'm been busy with school/work and that is about it. What can I say, I live a boring life. Um, since I don't have much to talk about, I guess I'll talk about school. Then, maybe, I'll talk about something else, if I can think of anything
My philosophy class is really tearing me up. It is getting me to think of a lot of things that I never thought about, which is good, I guess. I am beginning to see why people are religious. In philosophy, it is what is called the noble risk. Here is the definition: life is short, eternity is long, thus, assume your soul is going to be judged after death and live your life morally. Basically, even if you live for 100 years (which is a long time, in terms of human life), eternity is forever, so wouldn't it be worth it to live those 100 years morally and have eternal happiness. I guess I can respect that, even though I'm not religious. This hasn't change my religious view in anyway, but it sure does get me thinking. I still think religion (in general) is a big waste of time, but I have a newfound respect for it.
Well, I have some disappointing news for you all. I probably won't be coming up with a top ten this month. It isn't that I'm busy or anything, it is just that I'm too lazy to come up with anything worthwhile. I could do another opinion top ten, like my Top Ten Led Zeppelin Songs, but I don't think doing that is enjoyable for the reader. I mean, do you really care about what someone else's opinion is on a subject? Well, you should, but most people don't. I know that I care about other people's opinions on certain subjects, but I disgress. Anyways, the top tens that I put any effort into usually don't turn out too well, at least I don't think so. I've been told I have a weird sense of humor, so that is probably why. I guess what I'm saying is, I'd like your thoughts on my top tens. It doesn't matter which one you comment on (you can comment, under this post, on all of them, if you want), but it would be apperiated if you could leave me a comment regarding them.
I guess that is all I have for you tonight. My good friend Ryan told me about an old/new feature called audio blog or audio post (something of that nature). He said it was a pay for feature, but now they made it free for all the blogger users. So, if you're a blogger user, check it out. It is really cool, you do it over the phone, which means you can keep in touch with your blog, even if you're on the road or if you're too lazy to type or whatever. Anyways, I should be hitting the hay, later everyone.
My philosophy class is really tearing me up. It is getting me to think of a lot of things that I never thought about, which is good, I guess. I am beginning to see why people are religious. In philosophy, it is what is called the noble risk. Here is the definition: life is short, eternity is long, thus, assume your soul is going to be judged after death and live your life morally. Basically, even if you live for 100 years (which is a long time, in terms of human life), eternity is forever, so wouldn't it be worth it to live those 100 years morally and have eternal happiness. I guess I can respect that, even though I'm not religious. This hasn't change my religious view in anyway, but it sure does get me thinking. I still think religion (in general) is a big waste of time, but I have a newfound respect for it.
Well, I have some disappointing news for you all. I probably won't be coming up with a top ten this month. It isn't that I'm busy or anything, it is just that I'm too lazy to come up with anything worthwhile. I could do another opinion top ten, like my Top Ten Led Zeppelin Songs, but I don't think doing that is enjoyable for the reader. I mean, do you really care about what someone else's opinion is on a subject? Well, you should, but most people don't. I know that I care about other people's opinions on certain subjects, but I disgress. Anyways, the top tens that I put any effort into usually don't turn out too well, at least I don't think so. I've been told I have a weird sense of humor, so that is probably why. I guess what I'm saying is, I'd like your thoughts on my top tens. It doesn't matter which one you comment on (you can comment, under this post, on all of them, if you want), but it would be apperiated if you could leave me a comment regarding them.
I guess that is all I have for you tonight. My good friend Ryan told me about an old/new feature called audio blog or audio post (something of that nature). He said it was a pay for feature, but now they made it free for all the blogger users. So, if you're a blogger user, check it out. It is really cool, you do it over the phone, which means you can keep in touch with your blog, even if you're on the road or if you're too lazy to type or whatever. Anyways, I should be hitting the hay, later everyone.
Monday, September 13, 2004
Bowling
Okay, so my first week of bowling was today. It didn't go so bad, we won four out of seven points. I also gave a speech before bowling. Here it is, for your viewing pleasure:
Gentlemen (and I use that term loosely), we embark on our bowling journey with one thing in mind. No Kirby, I’m not talking about beer, but I’ll get to that. The one thing we should all have on our mind is winning first place. Now, I don’t claim to be a mathematician, but let me break this down for you all very simply. Last year, the Brewers took the first half with a total of 65 points. So, over the 14 week period of the first half, that is an average of just 4.64 points per week. In order to have a chance at first place, we have to win roughly two games every week, along with totals every other week. If we can do that for the 14 week period of the first half, we will end up with 63 points, which should be just about enough to be in contention for first place.
Let’s start with the first order of business, which is, the bowling order for this year. As long as everyone agrees, our bowling order will be the following: Kenny, Matt, Paul, Kirby, and Donnie.
I feel that this order is advantageous to the team. For starters, it gives us a leadoff man who has both of his thumbs. In addition to that, it gives us a leadoff man that doesn’t wear hats, which is a huge distraction to the team. Those are two key qualities that a leadoff man should have, and obviously, Paul doesn’t possess those two qualities. I’m sure Paul has other key qualities that he brings to the team. I’d even go as far as to say that he brings many things to the team…although I can’t think of anything off the top of my head, but I’m sure he brings something to the team. Anyways, Paul is best utilized in the three spot because that is where he is least noticed by the other team, which should be to our advantage. The number two spot, which can only be filled by Matt or me, is best filled by Matt because he then precedes Paul. This should provide our team with a family rivalry, which, I believe, we need to win first place. In addition to that, Matt doesn’t fit the prototypical mold of the fourth or fifth spot, so there is no question as to where he belongs in the order.
The fourth and fifth spots are pretty much up for grabs between Kirby and Donnie. It could really go either way, but I feel that Kirby is best utilized in the number four spot and that Donnie is best utilized in the number five spot. The Japanese have a saying that fits Kirby perfectly, Kill Whitey. No, that isn’t the saying, but Kirby is definitely “the man” on the team. The saying that I was actually looking for goes a little something like this, “The nail that sticks out gets hammered.” Kirby is definitely the nail that sticks out on the team and he gets hammered on a regular basis. Kirby is also the heart and soul of the team, so he belongs in the heart of the order in the number four spot. In addition to that, Kirby has a sort of intimidating factor about him, so that could be used to our advantage to throw off the opposition’s fifth bowler. The reasons for Donnie being in the number five spot are fairly simple. For one, he is good under pressure and can handle the stress of the number five spot. Furthermore, he is smarter than an actual anchor and that much can’t be said about Paul or Kirby.
Okay, so on to the second order of business. If you would like to participate, I encourage you to pick four genre based bowling themes. The four genres are as follows: rock and roll theme, rap theme, movie theme, and television theme. Some people have picked their themes already. Others don’t know about it or refuse to participate. This will be my last time mentioning this, so pick your themes now and tell me what they are.
Let’s raise our glasses, whatever we got in front of us, to salute the start of what should be a great bowling year. I would like to end this speech with my proposed motto for the team: “Today Fernhill, tomorrow the world.” Thank you for your time.
Just an FYI for you all. Fernhill is the bowling alley that we bowl at, so that is what I'm referencing in my motto. I am also referencing Hitler, but I'm not a Nazi, so don't get the wrong idea there. Okay, that is all I got for tonight. Things are going better for me, my grandpa is buried, so that is all over. Classes are going better and life is going better. I can't complain right now, so I leave you on good terms. Thank you and good night.
Gentlemen (and I use that term loosely), we embark on our bowling journey with one thing in mind. No Kirby, I’m not talking about beer, but I’ll get to that. The one thing we should all have on our mind is winning first place. Now, I don’t claim to be a mathematician, but let me break this down for you all very simply. Last year, the Brewers took the first half with a total of 65 points. So, over the 14 week period of the first half, that is an average of just 4.64 points per week. In order to have a chance at first place, we have to win roughly two games every week, along with totals every other week. If we can do that for the 14 week period of the first half, we will end up with 63 points, which should be just about enough to be in contention for first place.
Let’s start with the first order of business, which is, the bowling order for this year. As long as everyone agrees, our bowling order will be the following: Kenny, Matt, Paul, Kirby, and Donnie.
I feel that this order is advantageous to the team. For starters, it gives us a leadoff man who has both of his thumbs. In addition to that, it gives us a leadoff man that doesn’t wear hats, which is a huge distraction to the team. Those are two key qualities that a leadoff man should have, and obviously, Paul doesn’t possess those two qualities. I’m sure Paul has other key qualities that he brings to the team. I’d even go as far as to say that he brings many things to the team…although I can’t think of anything off the top of my head, but I’m sure he brings something to the team. Anyways, Paul is best utilized in the three spot because that is where he is least noticed by the other team, which should be to our advantage. The number two spot, which can only be filled by Matt or me, is best filled by Matt because he then precedes Paul. This should provide our team with a family rivalry, which, I believe, we need to win first place. In addition to that, Matt doesn’t fit the prototypical mold of the fourth or fifth spot, so there is no question as to where he belongs in the order.
The fourth and fifth spots are pretty much up for grabs between Kirby and Donnie. It could really go either way, but I feel that Kirby is best utilized in the number four spot and that Donnie is best utilized in the number five spot. The Japanese have a saying that fits Kirby perfectly, Kill Whitey. No, that isn’t the saying, but Kirby is definitely “the man” on the team. The saying that I was actually looking for goes a little something like this, “The nail that sticks out gets hammered.” Kirby is definitely the nail that sticks out on the team and he gets hammered on a regular basis. Kirby is also the heart and soul of the team, so he belongs in the heart of the order in the number four spot. In addition to that, Kirby has a sort of intimidating factor about him, so that could be used to our advantage to throw off the opposition’s fifth bowler. The reasons for Donnie being in the number five spot are fairly simple. For one, he is good under pressure and can handle the stress of the number five spot. Furthermore, he is smarter than an actual anchor and that much can’t be said about Paul or Kirby.
Okay, so on to the second order of business. If you would like to participate, I encourage you to pick four genre based bowling themes. The four genres are as follows: rock and roll theme, rap theme, movie theme, and television theme. Some people have picked their themes already. Others don’t know about it or refuse to participate. This will be my last time mentioning this, so pick your themes now and tell me what they are.
Let’s raise our glasses, whatever we got in front of us, to salute the start of what should be a great bowling year. I would like to end this speech with my proposed motto for the team: “Today Fernhill, tomorrow the world.” Thank you for your time.
Just an FYI for you all. Fernhill is the bowling alley that we bowl at, so that is what I'm referencing in my motto. I am also referencing Hitler, but I'm not a Nazi, so don't get the wrong idea there. Okay, that is all I got for tonight. Things are going better for me, my grandpa is buried, so that is all over. Classes are going better and life is going better. I can't complain right now, so I leave you on good terms. Thank you and good night.
Friday, September 03, 2004
More Bad News
A few hours ago, I found out that my grandpa died. I really don't know what to say about that, but I feel like I should say something.
I guess I should start off by talking about the good times we had together. The story that stands our in my mind was my first deer hunting trip with him, my dad, and my uncle. If my memory serves me correctly, it was the Friday after Thanksgiving in the year 2000. We actually drove up to Cheboygan right after Thanksgiving dinner (on Thursday), but we didn't go out until Friday morning.
Anyways, we got up at the crack of dawn, got all our gear on, and went off into the woods. We didn't see anything the whole trip, but looking back at it, that didn't matter. The time we spent back at camp was most memorable. He would tell me his war stories (I think he was in the Korean war) and other interesting things about life, in general. He often told the same stories over and over, but again, looking back at it, that wasn't important. The important thing was the time we spent together, because I didn't really like hunting in the first place. I mean, I enjoyed being out in the woods and spending time with my family, but I doubt I could shoot a deer, if given the chance.
Well, I guess that is all I have to say right now. I have to go to work, so that should take my mind off of things, at least I hope so. End of transmission.
I guess I should start off by talking about the good times we had together. The story that stands our in my mind was my first deer hunting trip with him, my dad, and my uncle. If my memory serves me correctly, it was the Friday after Thanksgiving in the year 2000. We actually drove up to Cheboygan right after Thanksgiving dinner (on Thursday), but we didn't go out until Friday morning.
Anyways, we got up at the crack of dawn, got all our gear on, and went off into the woods. We didn't see anything the whole trip, but looking back at it, that didn't matter. The time we spent back at camp was most memorable. He would tell me his war stories (I think he was in the Korean war) and other interesting things about life, in general. He often told the same stories over and over, but again, looking back at it, that wasn't important. The important thing was the time we spent together, because I didn't really like hunting in the first place. I mean, I enjoyed being out in the woods and spending time with my family, but I doubt I could shoot a deer, if given the chance.
Well, I guess that is all I have to say right now. I have to go to work, so that should take my mind off of things, at least I hope so. End of transmission.
Thursday, September 02, 2004
A Serious Post
So here I am. Another day has went by in my life and I feel like I got nothing accomplished. I am starting to doubt college, for some reason or another. I thought that coming home to Macomb would be different, and for a while it was. But now, now it feels the same as when I was at Western. Maybe college just isn't for me, but if not, then what do I do?
For the past few days, I have had a weird feeling, and until just now, I didn't know what it was. I just realized that I am starting to feel the same as when I was at Western. I am starting to doubt that I belong at college, any college, for whatever reason. I don't know, I've been saying to myself that I'll get over it, but it just doesn't seem to happen. Whatever the reason, it sounds like I need therapy or something, lol.
Another little known fact that you may not know about me, I've never had a girlfriend. I don't know if that is weird or not, but I suspect that it is. I've been very shy all my life, and people keep telling me that I need to get out more, which is true. The problem with that is, whenever I think about going out (and this is especially true during school), I feel like I could be spending my time doing something useful (like while I'm in school, doing homework, for example). Also, I don't think any girl would find me attractive, so that is another problem I have.
During school, I spend most of my days either doing homework or worrying that I should be doing my homework. This has been going on since I started college in Western, but it has escalated ever since. I don't know, I think my main problem is my drive for perfection. I don't know why I have that drive, I asked my parents if they cared if I got all A's or not, and they said no. Frankly, I really don't care, but for some reason, I seem to be fixated on it.
As you can see, I have some problems that I need to get over or maybe get some help with. The majority of my problems stem from my lack of self-confidence, which I know I don't have much of. For some reason, I dislike people that are overly confident, but at the same time, I wish I was them. I mean, at least they think they can get the job done (whatever the job might be) and think they can do it right. Me, on the other hand, I often doubt myself. Whenever I'm doing something, I always worry if I'm doing it right or if maybe I did something wrong. I do this with new things mostly, which I guess can be expected, but I seem to overly critical of myself.
I'm sitting here, right now, and listening to Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd. For some odd reason, this song reminds me of my life right now. I think the song is about drug addiction, so that part doesn't pretain to me, but it just seems to sing of my life right now. I am just stressed out at the moment, and I always get this way at the start of the semester, so maybe I'll get over it. I just need to learn to relax a little, and bowling starts soon, so that always helps me relax.
In lighter news, Team U.S.A lost again tonight, 3-1 to the Russians. Wait a tick, that isn't lighter news! Oh well, I guess I'm glad I missed the game, but I did see the box score. Did anyone see the game? If so, could you please fill me in? Did Esche stand on his head again, or did he let in some soft goals? Well, it doesn't look good for team U.S.A., but I guess not much was expected of them. Virtually no one in America likes hockey, so I'm sure that 99% of America could give a fuck less.
I really hope that there is an NHL season, but that too is looking grim. The expiration of the CBA is rapidly approaching (September 15th) and that could mean the beginning of the end for the 2004-2005 NHL season. I don't know whom to blame for this. I mean, I can see the owners point of view. In order to run the business side of things, they want to have cost certainty, so they can plan their budget and all that nonsense. Then, there is the players, who want things to remain status quo, and I can't say that I blame them. I mean, if I were a player, I would want the current system because I can get the market value for myself. As a player, I wouldn't want to have to accept way less than what I'm worth, just so a team can stay under a salary cap. Don't get me wrong, the majority of the players are adequately paid, but I can see it from their perspective.
In retrospect, this just might be the owners fault for not being fiscally responsible in the first place. If the owners would have used the current system correctly, like most have this year, maybe this wouldn't have happened. Instead, you have players like Bobby Holik making 10 millions dollars. Holik isn't worth anything near 10 million dollars, so in reality, it is the owners fault for shelling that kind of money to the non-superstar players (in my opinion, Holik is a second-line player, at best). In addition to that, you have players that you can't really blame for taking the money (like Martin Lapointe, for example). I guess this isn't about whose fault it is, and I really can't blame anyone, but I just hope that there is hockey sometime this century.
Well, I think that is all I have to say tonight. Thanks for making it this far, if you're still with me. Good night everyone.
For the past few days, I have had a weird feeling, and until just now, I didn't know what it was. I just realized that I am starting to feel the same as when I was at Western. I am starting to doubt that I belong at college, any college, for whatever reason. I don't know, I've been saying to myself that I'll get over it, but it just doesn't seem to happen. Whatever the reason, it sounds like I need therapy or something, lol.
Another little known fact that you may not know about me, I've never had a girlfriend. I don't know if that is weird or not, but I suspect that it is. I've been very shy all my life, and people keep telling me that I need to get out more, which is true. The problem with that is, whenever I think about going out (and this is especially true during school), I feel like I could be spending my time doing something useful (like while I'm in school, doing homework, for example). Also, I don't think any girl would find me attractive, so that is another problem I have.
During school, I spend most of my days either doing homework or worrying that I should be doing my homework. This has been going on since I started college in Western, but it has escalated ever since. I don't know, I think my main problem is my drive for perfection. I don't know why I have that drive, I asked my parents if they cared if I got all A's or not, and they said no. Frankly, I really don't care, but for some reason, I seem to be fixated on it.
As you can see, I have some problems that I need to get over or maybe get some help with. The majority of my problems stem from my lack of self-confidence, which I know I don't have much of. For some reason, I dislike people that are overly confident, but at the same time, I wish I was them. I mean, at least they think they can get the job done (whatever the job might be) and think they can do it right. Me, on the other hand, I often doubt myself. Whenever I'm doing something, I always worry if I'm doing it right or if maybe I did something wrong. I do this with new things mostly, which I guess can be expected, but I seem to overly critical of myself.
I'm sitting here, right now, and listening to Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd. For some odd reason, this song reminds me of my life right now. I think the song is about drug addiction, so that part doesn't pretain to me, but it just seems to sing of my life right now. I am just stressed out at the moment, and I always get this way at the start of the semester, so maybe I'll get over it. I just need to learn to relax a little, and bowling starts soon, so that always helps me relax.
In lighter news, Team U.S.A lost again tonight, 3-1 to the Russians. Wait a tick, that isn't lighter news! Oh well, I guess I'm glad I missed the game, but I did see the box score. Did anyone see the game? If so, could you please fill me in? Did Esche stand on his head again, or did he let in some soft goals? Well, it doesn't look good for team U.S.A., but I guess not much was expected of them. Virtually no one in America likes hockey, so I'm sure that 99% of America could give a fuck less.
I really hope that there is an NHL season, but that too is looking grim. The expiration of the CBA is rapidly approaching (September 15th) and that could mean the beginning of the end for the 2004-2005 NHL season. I don't know whom to blame for this. I mean, I can see the owners point of view. In order to run the business side of things, they want to have cost certainty, so they can plan their budget and all that nonsense. Then, there is the players, who want things to remain status quo, and I can't say that I blame them. I mean, if I were a player, I would want the current system because I can get the market value for myself. As a player, I wouldn't want to have to accept way less than what I'm worth, just so a team can stay under a salary cap. Don't get me wrong, the majority of the players are adequately paid, but I can see it from their perspective.
In retrospect, this just might be the owners fault for not being fiscally responsible in the first place. If the owners would have used the current system correctly, like most have this year, maybe this wouldn't have happened. Instead, you have players like Bobby Holik making 10 millions dollars. Holik isn't worth anything near 10 million dollars, so in reality, it is the owners fault for shelling that kind of money to the non-superstar players (in my opinion, Holik is a second-line player, at best). In addition to that, you have players that you can't really blame for taking the money (like Martin Lapointe, for example). I guess this isn't about whose fault it is, and I really can't blame anyone, but I just hope that there is hockey sometime this century.
Well, I think that is all I have to say tonight. Thanks for making it this far, if you're still with me. Good night everyone.
Tuesday, August 31, 2004
Nonsense
Okay, so I should really be doing some homework about now, but instead, I'm going to update my blog.
So far, my classes are decent, I guess. I mean, I thought I was going to get into them a lot more than I am right now, but maybe it will take me a few weeks to get back into school. As usual, I am slacking off again, hoping it doesn't bite me in the ass this time. Like I said, it usually doesn't. I always do fine, but this year it just looks like it might be a different story. I mean, I am not motivated to do anything at all, maybe there is something wrong with me? I don't know, but I'll keep you updated (as if you care).
In other news, Team USA just lost to Canada, 2-1. For those of you who don't know (which I'm sure is all of America), I'm talking hockey here. It was a good game, and it should be a good World Cup (with Canada most likely winning). I really hope Team USA wins, but tonight they looked rather old (they are the oldest team in the tournament). The NHL should really pay attention to how hockey is played during the World Cup because that is how it should be played. What do I mean by that? I mean that the officials actually call interfence (imagine that), and with the larger ice surface, it gives more room for the skilled players. I'm not saying the NHL should expand the ice surface, but it is rather refreshing to see the skilled players at work. In the NHL today, the neutral zone trap is really bogging the game down, and it would be nice to see more end-to-end action in an NHL hockey game. Oh well, even if they NHL does nothing to the game, I'll still watch it (assuming there is a season next year). Hockey really is an amazing game, and if you don't like it you're a communist (there, I said it), plain and simple....
Okay, so my bowling league starts back up on September 13th. I went to the meeting yesterday and we talked about the bylaws and such. If you didn't know, the team consists of my friends Matt, Paul, Donnie, and the team drunkard, a guy named Kirby (he is also a friend). Kirby is an older guy, I think in his mid-40's. We needed a fifth person, and Donnie's dad worked with a guy that wanted to bowl, so we let him on the team. What a mistake that was.... Just kidding, Kirby has turned out great, he is the heart and soul of the team. Last year, we essentially started during the second half, so we didn't get to bowl the entire season. We ended up in 4th place (out of 12) for the second half and last place overall because we didn't bowl the first half. I'm hoping that this year will be a different story. It is a handicapped league, so anyone can win, but I really like our chances. I mean, for one, only one person (possibly two) drinks on our team, so we have the advantage there. In addition to that, we have a nice mix of averages. I have a 170 average, Matt has an average around 140, Paul also has an average around 140, Kirby has an average around 190, and Donnie also has an average around 190.
Well, I guess that is all I have to say tonight. Have a good night everyone.
So far, my classes are decent, I guess. I mean, I thought I was going to get into them a lot more than I am right now, but maybe it will take me a few weeks to get back into school. As usual, I am slacking off again, hoping it doesn't bite me in the ass this time. Like I said, it usually doesn't. I always do fine, but this year it just looks like it might be a different story. I mean, I am not motivated to do anything at all, maybe there is something wrong with me? I don't know, but I'll keep you updated (as if you care).
In other news, Team USA just lost to Canada, 2-1. For those of you who don't know (which I'm sure is all of America), I'm talking hockey here. It was a good game, and it should be a good World Cup (with Canada most likely winning). I really hope Team USA wins, but tonight they looked rather old (they are the oldest team in the tournament). The NHL should really pay attention to how hockey is played during the World Cup because that is how it should be played. What do I mean by that? I mean that the officials actually call interfence (imagine that), and with the larger ice surface, it gives more room for the skilled players. I'm not saying the NHL should expand the ice surface, but it is rather refreshing to see the skilled players at work. In the NHL today, the neutral zone trap is really bogging the game down, and it would be nice to see more end-to-end action in an NHL hockey game. Oh well, even if they NHL does nothing to the game, I'll still watch it (assuming there is a season next year). Hockey really is an amazing game, and if you don't like it you're a communist (there, I said it), plain and simple....
Okay, so my bowling league starts back up on September 13th. I went to the meeting yesterday and we talked about the bylaws and such. If you didn't know, the team consists of my friends Matt, Paul, Donnie, and the team drunkard, a guy named Kirby (he is also a friend). Kirby is an older guy, I think in his mid-40's. We needed a fifth person, and Donnie's dad worked with a guy that wanted to bowl, so we let him on the team. What a mistake that was.... Just kidding, Kirby has turned out great, he is the heart and soul of the team. Last year, we essentially started during the second half, so we didn't get to bowl the entire season. We ended up in 4th place (out of 12) for the second half and last place overall because we didn't bowl the first half. I'm hoping that this year will be a different story. It is a handicapped league, so anyone can win, but I really like our chances. I mean, for one, only one person (possibly two) drinks on our team, so we have the advantage there. In addition to that, we have a nice mix of averages. I have a 170 average, Matt has an average around 140, Paul also has an average around 140, Kirby has an average around 190, and Donnie also has an average around 190.
Well, I guess that is all I have to say tonight. Have a good night everyone.
Friday, August 27, 2004
First Day of Class (Wednesday) and Other Things on my Mind
Well, I wanted to post about this yesterday, but I didn't have enough time. So, I am going to post about it today.
I had my first day of fall classes on Wednesday. I had political science in the moring (from 10:00-11:40) and then philosophy in the afternoon (from 12:30-1:55). I am very excited about both classes, but I think I might have some trouble in the philosophy class. I have to write four papers for that class, so I am definitely not looking forward to that. Oh well, the class should be good times. The professor was very nice, and she had a very interesting life story. My political science class should also be good times. The professor seemed a little liberal, but she assured the class that she was fairly straight down the middle. Either way, I can't wait for the class discussions to begin. I also had my bowling class today, which should be fun.
With the start of the semester, I find myself falling back to my old habits. I keep telling myself that I need to stop, but to no avail. My old habits mostly consist of me procrastinating, but it is not just limited to that. I also waste time by looking for other sources on the Internet (which means I don't spend enough time on the important material). Oh well, these habits haven't negatively effected my grades yet, so I guess I can live with them for now.
Well, once again, I have run out of time. I am now off to work for the day, and then tomorrow, I have to work in the morning. End of transmission.
I had my first day of fall classes on Wednesday. I had political science in the moring (from 10:00-11:40) and then philosophy in the afternoon (from 12:30-1:55). I am very excited about both classes, but I think I might have some trouble in the philosophy class. I have to write four papers for that class, so I am definitely not looking forward to that. Oh well, the class should be good times. The professor was very nice, and she had a very interesting life story. My political science class should also be good times. The professor seemed a little liberal, but she assured the class that she was fairly straight down the middle. Either way, I can't wait for the class discussions to begin. I also had my bowling class today, which should be fun.
With the start of the semester, I find myself falling back to my old habits. I keep telling myself that I need to stop, but to no avail. My old habits mostly consist of me procrastinating, but it is not just limited to that. I also waste time by looking for other sources on the Internet (which means I don't spend enough time on the important material). Oh well, these habits haven't negatively effected my grades yet, so I guess I can live with them for now.
Well, once again, I have run out of time. I am now off to work for the day, and then tomorrow, I have to work in the morning. End of transmission.
Thursday, August 26, 2004
Politics
I'm going to start off with an interesting website I heard about on a local political radio show. For those of you who don't listen, his name is Peter Werbe and you can check him out here. Also, if you're in the Metro Detroit area, you can listen to him, on Sunday, from 11 p.m. until 1 a.m. (eastern standard time). If you are not local, I've got some good news for you. If you're interested in the show, you can listen to the streaming broadcast here at the aforementioned date and at the aforementioned time.
Okay, on with the interesting website. This particular website (which can be reached by clicking on the title of this post or by clicking here) is "a bi-partisan website that allows you to cast votes on core election issues." In other words, you pick an issue at random, then select the platform you agree with most, then continue on with that process until you have picked all the issues. I have decided to take this voting survey (I guess you would call it that) and then share my results with you. Okay, so here goes:
Issue One: Drugs
Agree With: Kerry
Issue Two: Gay Rights
Agree With: Kerry
Issue Three: Abortion
Agree With: Kerry
Issue Four: Education
Agree With: Kerry
Issue Five: Crime
Agree With: Bush
Issue Six: Technology
Agree With: Kerry
Issue Seven: Why Running for Office
Agree With: Kerry
Issue Eight: Key Issues
Agree With: Kerry
Issue Nine: Rumsfeld
Agree With: Kerry
Issue Ten: Gas Supply
Agree With: Kerry
Issue Eleven: Death Penalty
Agree With: Kerry
Issue Twelve: Affirmative Action
Agree With: Bush
Issue Thirteen: Civil Rights
Agree With: Kerry
Issue Fourteen: Foreign Policy
Agree With: Kerry
Issue Fifteen: Jobs
Agree With: Bush
Issue Sixteen: Iraq
Agree With: Kerry
Issue Seventeen: Environment
Agree With: Kerry
Issue Eighteen: Economy
Agree With: Kerry
Issue Nineteen: Homeland Security
Agree With: Kerry
Issue Twenty: Social Security
Agree With: Bush
Issue Twenty-One: Women's Issues
Agree With: Kerry
Issue Twenty-Two: Healthcare
Agree With: Kerry
Issue Twenty-Three: Service Record
Agree With: Kerry
Issue Twenty-Four: Taxes
Agree With: Kerry
Issue Twenty-Five: Gun Control
Agree With: Bush
Issue Twenty-Six: Global Trade
Agree With: Kerry
Issue Twenty-Seven: Immigration
Agree With: Bush
Issue Twenty-Eight: Families
Agree With: Kerry
Issue Twenty-Nine: Campaign
Agree With: Kerry
Issue Thirty: National Defense
Agree With: Bush
Issue Thirty-One: Welfare and Poverty
Agree With: Kerry
My Voting Record:
G.W. Bush: 7
J.F. Kerry: 24
Well, let me just say one thing about that voting survey. If you were just a little informed (I consider myself to be middle ground when it comes to the informed department) you would have known which canditate was which after reading each platform. So, that could have lead you to pick your favorite canditate, instead of being honest about it and picking the platform you most agree with. I don't think I did that myself, but maybe subconsciously I did. Anyways, I figured I'd agree with Kerry on a 2:1 ratio, but it looks like that is more like a 3:1 ratio.
I had more to talk about tonight, but it looks like my time has run out. I have class tomorrow at 10 in the morning, so I better get to bed. Good night everyone, and please take that voting survey and post your results as a comment to this post.
Okay, on with the interesting website. This particular website (which can be reached by clicking on the title of this post or by clicking here) is "a bi-partisan website that allows you to cast votes on core election issues." In other words, you pick an issue at random, then select the platform you agree with most, then continue on with that process until you have picked all the issues. I have decided to take this voting survey (I guess you would call it that) and then share my results with you. Okay, so here goes:
Issue One: Drugs
Agree With: Kerry
Issue Two: Gay Rights
Agree With: Kerry
Issue Three: Abortion
Agree With: Kerry
Issue Four: Education
Agree With: Kerry
Issue Five: Crime
Agree With: Bush
Issue Six: Technology
Agree With: Kerry
Issue Seven: Why Running for Office
Agree With: Kerry
Issue Eight: Key Issues
Agree With: Kerry
Issue Nine: Rumsfeld
Agree With: Kerry
Issue Ten: Gas Supply
Agree With: Kerry
Issue Eleven: Death Penalty
Agree With: Kerry
Issue Twelve: Affirmative Action
Agree With: Bush
Issue Thirteen: Civil Rights
Agree With: Kerry
Issue Fourteen: Foreign Policy
Agree With: Kerry
Issue Fifteen: Jobs
Agree With: Bush
Issue Sixteen: Iraq
Agree With: Kerry
Issue Seventeen: Environment
Agree With: Kerry
Issue Eighteen: Economy
Agree With: Kerry
Issue Nineteen: Homeland Security
Agree With: Kerry
Issue Twenty: Social Security
Agree With: Bush
Issue Twenty-One: Women's Issues
Agree With: Kerry
Issue Twenty-Two: Healthcare
Agree With: Kerry
Issue Twenty-Three: Service Record
Agree With: Kerry
Issue Twenty-Four: Taxes
Agree With: Kerry
Issue Twenty-Five: Gun Control
Agree With: Bush
Issue Twenty-Six: Global Trade
Agree With: Kerry
Issue Twenty-Seven: Immigration
Agree With: Bush
Issue Twenty-Eight: Families
Agree With: Kerry
Issue Twenty-Nine: Campaign
Agree With: Kerry
Issue Thirty: National Defense
Agree With: Bush
Issue Thirty-One: Welfare and Poverty
Agree With: Kerry
My Voting Record:
G.W. Bush: 7
J.F. Kerry: 24
Well, let me just say one thing about that voting survey. If you were just a little informed (I consider myself to be middle ground when it comes to the informed department) you would have known which canditate was which after reading each platform. So, that could have lead you to pick your favorite canditate, instead of being honest about it and picking the platform you most agree with. I don't think I did that myself, but maybe subconsciously I did. Anyways, I figured I'd agree with Kerry on a 2:1 ratio, but it looks like that is more like a 3:1 ratio.
I had more to talk about tonight, but it looks like my time has run out. I have class tomorrow at 10 in the morning, so I better get to bed. Good night everyone, and please take that voting survey and post your results as a comment to this post.
Tuesday, August 17, 2004
Top Ten
In the spirit of the Olympic games, I present to you, Ken's Top Ten Sexlympic Events. Okay, so let me explain the format. First, I'll give you the event, then I'll give you my best one-liner, and then some additional commentary.
Here goes:
Ken's Top Ten Sexlympic Events
Number 10
Women's Breaststroke
These women must have tested very high on the stroke-ability scale...there is no other way they could do the breaststroke for 200 meters. (oh, and that's about 656 feet, for all you metrically challenged people out there)
Let me just say one thing about the metric system. The United States really missed the boat by not adopting it. Instead of having an easy to use system, which is common place throughout the world, we are now stuck with the shitty standard system, possibly forever. I mean, really, the metric system is far superior to the traditional system, but the United States will probably never fully adopt the metric system. I can't wait until 2020, I swear to Allah, I'm running for president and there will be many (and I stress the word many) changes in this country. Yeah, I know, that is what they all say, but I really mean it.
Number 9
Trampoline
And now...girls jumping on trampolines!
Do you like The Man Show? I sure did, with emphasis on the word did. Joe Rogan and Doug Stanhope do a decent job, but no one can top Adam and Jimmy. Comedy Central should change the name of the show or something, because it is clearly not as good as it once was. That is to be expected though because Adam and Jimmy made the show extremely entertaining. I mean, it is sort of like when a band gets a new lead singer, the band mine as well change its name, because nine times out of ten, it sounds like a completely different band. What I am getting at is this, they need to change the name of the show to something else because the show will never live up to the high standards of its name. Cancling the show is another possibility...I know I don't enjoy it as much as I did with Adam and Jimmy as the hosts, and I'm sure a lot of fans feel the same way I do.
Number 8
Snatch (weight lifting)
I wouldn't want to touch the snatch of the women participants with a 3.04800 meter pole. (a little metric humor for you there)
Have you seen any of the women in the weight lifting events? If not, I suggest you check them out. Let me forewarn you though, it isn't very pretty...it is definitely bad bad bad (I can't stress the word bad enough) times. Some of them have airpit hair, so it suffice to say that there isn't a looker in the bunch. To put it bluntly, these women look like Oompa Loompa's on steroids. It should come as no surprise to see the absence of American women. I certainly haven't seen any, and I highly doubt that an American woman could make the cut. I mean, I'm not saying American women are weak or anything, I just don't think any American woman would want to look like these women do. Basically, I'm just saying it is a cultural difference, or something of that nature.
Number 7
Women's Gymnastics
Yeah baby, put your legs behind your head and hold it for five minutes, you know it's my favorite position....
Okay, here we are, moving from one extreme to the next. On one hand, you have the women's weight lifters, who basically look like men dressed in drag. On the other hand, you have the women's gymnastics teams, who basically look like fuckable human-pretzels. Yeah, I know, some of them are underage, but I'd be willing to wait for some of them. I would go as far as to say that we could do all the positions of the kama sutra in one night, but I can't go all night. Well, let me take that back, I can go all night, I just choose not to....
Number 6
Boxing
I could go for some punching of the clown, how about you?
For those of you who don't know, punching the clown is a masturbatory term, akin to flogging the dolphin and beating the proverbial meat. Try it sometime, I guarantee you'll gain great satisfaction from getting in the the ring with a clown. A little advice though, it is hard to whack off with boxing gloves on (believe me, I've tried it), so be sure to take them off....
Number 5
Handball
I was just checking for cancer...I swear! (I know, this is turning into a bunch of bad masturbation jokes, but I'm trying here, so give me a break)
Ah, the old, I was just checking for cancer, trick. It is an oldie but a goodie. I also like the, I had a runny nose, routine. You pull that one out of your bag of tricks when someone asks you why you have an excessive amount of kleenex in your trash basket. No one can call you out on it, and it works every time. I'd like to call myself the Guru of Jack, even though I probably don't deserve the title, but I'm claiming it anyways. Don't like it? Tough cookies, pal!
Number 4
Shooting (thanks to Rich for mentioning the event)
I'm probably not as accurate as some of the other skeet shooters, but at least I'm good for distance.
If you didn't already know, skeet is a euphemism for semen. Don't believe me? If you have any doubts, check out this link. I don't just make this stuff up people. I mean, if the word is on urbandictionary.com, it must be true! Am I right or am I right? Or am I right? Anyways, just so you know, my penis is good for distance. My semen was the first semen in space, I have the plaque from NASA and everything. Good news for all you ladies out there, my accuracy is horrible, so that means I won't get any in your eye.
Number 3
Women's Wrestling
I could be wrong, but there's always room for jello, right?
Okay, with the inception of the bikini-clad cheerleaders at volleyball matches this year, you would think they'd have women's jello wrestling by now? Hell, I'd settle for mud wrestling, but I digress. Seriously though, who thought it was a good idea to have women's wrestling (without jello or mud, no less) at the Olympics? It is a new event this year, but I highly doubt it goes over too well. To jazz it up, I would hope for jello, but like I said, mud would work just as well. I don't care how many letters we have to write to the Olympic Committee, we need to unite on this one!
Number 2
Diving
Nowadays even the girls enjoy (muff) diving! (thanks to Rich for his contributions on the one-liner)
Not much I can say about that one. If you don't get it, check out urbandictionary.com. Did I mention that this blog is brought to you by urbandictionary.com? Go there for all your urban dictionary needs, or something. Really though, urbandictionary.com is, quite possibly, the best site on the web (next to this site, of course). If you have never been there before, I highly recommend checking it out. Oh, but before you check out urbandictionary.com, be sure to stick around for the grand finale of my top ten.
Number 1
Clean and Jerk (weight lifting)
Sounds like something I do in the shower....
Okay, that is three, count them, three masturbation jokes. In other words, that is roughly a third of my top ten. Hey, what can I say, I stick with what I know. Seriously though, could anyone explain the history behind the name of this event? I just find it to be a strange name for a weight lifthing event, but I don't know much about weight lifthing. In other words, I'm weak, and I'm sure all of the women Olympians of this event could kick my ass. That isn't saying a lot though, I'm sure they could kick just about anyone's ass they wanted to.
Well, that is all for my top ten. I really hope you enjoyed it because I put a lot of time and effort into it this time. I am thinking about starting a new segment on my blog, so more details on that at a later date. Oh, and just a little note for myself, I put a counter at the end of my blog, on this date, at around 6:00 p.m. eastern standard time. End of transmission.
Here goes:
Ken's Top Ten Sexlympic Events
Number 10
Women's Breaststroke
These women must have tested very high on the stroke-ability scale...there is no other way they could do the breaststroke for 200 meters. (oh, and that's about 656 feet, for all you metrically challenged people out there)
Let me just say one thing about the metric system. The United States really missed the boat by not adopting it. Instead of having an easy to use system, which is common place throughout the world, we are now stuck with the shitty standard system, possibly forever. I mean, really, the metric system is far superior to the traditional system, but the United States will probably never fully adopt the metric system. I can't wait until 2020, I swear to Allah, I'm running for president and there will be many (and I stress the word many) changes in this country. Yeah, I know, that is what they all say, but I really mean it.
Number 9
Trampoline
And now...girls jumping on trampolines!
Do you like The Man Show? I sure did, with emphasis on the word did. Joe Rogan and Doug Stanhope do a decent job, but no one can top Adam and Jimmy. Comedy Central should change the name of the show or something, because it is clearly not as good as it once was. That is to be expected though because Adam and Jimmy made the show extremely entertaining. I mean, it is sort of like when a band gets a new lead singer, the band mine as well change its name, because nine times out of ten, it sounds like a completely different band. What I am getting at is this, they need to change the name of the show to something else because the show will never live up to the high standards of its name. Cancling the show is another possibility...I know I don't enjoy it as much as I did with Adam and Jimmy as the hosts, and I'm sure a lot of fans feel the same way I do.
Number 8
Snatch (weight lifting)
I wouldn't want to touch the snatch of the women participants with a 3.04800 meter pole. (a little metric humor for you there)
Have you seen any of the women in the weight lifting events? If not, I suggest you check them out. Let me forewarn you though, it isn't very pretty...it is definitely bad bad bad (I can't stress the word bad enough) times. Some of them have airpit hair, so it suffice to say that there isn't a looker in the bunch. To put it bluntly, these women look like Oompa Loompa's on steroids. It should come as no surprise to see the absence of American women. I certainly haven't seen any, and I highly doubt that an American woman could make the cut. I mean, I'm not saying American women are weak or anything, I just don't think any American woman would want to look like these women do. Basically, I'm just saying it is a cultural difference, or something of that nature.
Number 7
Women's Gymnastics
Yeah baby, put your legs behind your head and hold it for five minutes, you know it's my favorite position....
Okay, here we are, moving from one extreme to the next. On one hand, you have the women's weight lifters, who basically look like men dressed in drag. On the other hand, you have the women's gymnastics teams, who basically look like fuckable human-pretzels. Yeah, I know, some of them are underage, but I'd be willing to wait for some of them. I would go as far as to say that we could do all the positions of the kama sutra in one night, but I can't go all night. Well, let me take that back, I can go all night, I just choose not to....
Number 6
Boxing
I could go for some punching of the clown, how about you?
For those of you who don't know, punching the clown is a masturbatory term, akin to flogging the dolphin and beating the proverbial meat. Try it sometime, I guarantee you'll gain great satisfaction from getting in the the ring with a clown. A little advice though, it is hard to whack off with boxing gloves on (believe me, I've tried it), so be sure to take them off....
Number 5
Handball
I was just checking for cancer...I swear! (I know, this is turning into a bunch of bad masturbation jokes, but I'm trying here, so give me a break)
Ah, the old, I was just checking for cancer, trick. It is an oldie but a goodie. I also like the, I had a runny nose, routine. You pull that one out of your bag of tricks when someone asks you why you have an excessive amount of kleenex in your trash basket. No one can call you out on it, and it works every time. I'd like to call myself the Guru of Jack, even though I probably don't deserve the title, but I'm claiming it anyways. Don't like it? Tough cookies, pal!
Number 4
Shooting (thanks to Rich for mentioning the event)
I'm probably not as accurate as some of the other skeet shooters, but at least I'm good for distance.
If you didn't already know, skeet is a euphemism for semen. Don't believe me? If you have any doubts, check out this link. I don't just make this stuff up people. I mean, if the word is on urbandictionary.com, it must be true! Am I right or am I right? Or am I right? Anyways, just so you know, my penis is good for distance. My semen was the first semen in space, I have the plaque from NASA and everything. Good news for all you ladies out there, my accuracy is horrible, so that means I won't get any in your eye.
Number 3
Women's Wrestling
I could be wrong, but there's always room for jello, right?
Okay, with the inception of the bikini-clad cheerleaders at volleyball matches this year, you would think they'd have women's jello wrestling by now? Hell, I'd settle for mud wrestling, but I digress. Seriously though, who thought it was a good idea to have women's wrestling (without jello or mud, no less) at the Olympics? It is a new event this year, but I highly doubt it goes over too well. To jazz it up, I would hope for jello, but like I said, mud would work just as well. I don't care how many letters we have to write to the Olympic Committee, we need to unite on this one!
Number 2
Diving
Nowadays even the girls enjoy (muff) diving! (thanks to Rich for his contributions on the one-liner)
Not much I can say about that one. If you don't get it, check out urbandictionary.com. Did I mention that this blog is brought to you by urbandictionary.com? Go there for all your urban dictionary needs, or something. Really though, urbandictionary.com is, quite possibly, the best site on the web (next to this site, of course). If you have never been there before, I highly recommend checking it out. Oh, but before you check out urbandictionary.com, be sure to stick around for the grand finale of my top ten.
Number 1
Clean and Jerk (weight lifting)
Sounds like something I do in the shower....
Okay, that is three, count them, three masturbation jokes. In other words, that is roughly a third of my top ten. Hey, what can I say, I stick with what I know. Seriously though, could anyone explain the history behind the name of this event? I just find it to be a strange name for a weight lifthing event, but I don't know much about weight lifthing. In other words, I'm weak, and I'm sure all of the women Olympians of this event could kick my ass. That isn't saying a lot though, I'm sure they could kick just about anyone's ass they wanted to.
Well, that is all for my top ten. I really hope you enjoyed it because I put a lot of time and effort into it this time. I am thinking about starting a new segment on my blog, so more details on that at a later date. Oh, and just a little note for myself, I put a counter at the end of my blog, on this date, at around 6:00 p.m. eastern standard time. End of transmission.
Saturday, August 14, 2004
Just Amazing
Wow! Two updates within a few hours? What is the world coming to? I have never updated my blog so soon, but this could not wait for another day. Okay, so just a few minutes ago, while browsing through usatoday.com, I came acrossed something rather "interesting." You see, the reason I put interesting in quotes isn't obvious now, but it will be in a few short moments. Click here to see what I'm talking about.
Okay, so if you still haven't figured out what I am talking about, take a very close look at that "graph" (and I use the term graph loosely). Let me point out the headline: "65% of fireworks injuries occur around July 4th." Oh boy, wow! I mean, who would have thought that 65% of fireworks injuries occur around the fucking fourth of July. I mean, the fourth of July isn't known for its firework displays or anything, so that is just amazing. I never knew that it was common practice to light fireworks during the fourth of July, so it is really surprising that injuries, caused by fireworks no less, happen so frequently during that time. Jeez, I was wondering what all those loud noises and bright flashes in the sky were about, I just thought I was having flashbacks to my Vietnam days (I am 20, by the way). To quote Forest Gump, "We was always taking long walks, and we was always looking for a guy named 'Charlie.'"
If you haven't picked up my sarcasm yet, you should get your sarcasm sensor checked because I am laying it on pretty thick. I mean, really, that is the best USA Today could do for that days snapshot? Just for your reference, that snapshot appeared on the July 29th edition of USA Today. You know what, I need to get my people on this one. I don't care how many letters I have to write, USA Today does not deserve the title of "The Nation's Newspaper." I am kidding, by the way, I usually enjoy USA Today, but that little snapshot got me going. It must have seemed like a good idea at the time, but all it did was state the obvious. It is okay to state the obvious sometimes, but to actually waste space on the front page of a newspaper...well, that is inexcusable. I mean, they couldn't have posted a picture of a missing kid instead? Or possibly a used car ad? Anything would have been better than that piece of work....
Oh, and this entry would not be complete without another quote from Forest Gump: "...and that's all I gotta say about that." Thank you and good night.
Okay, so if you still haven't figured out what I am talking about, take a very close look at that "graph" (and I use the term graph loosely). Let me point out the headline: "65% of fireworks injuries occur around July 4th." Oh boy, wow! I mean, who would have thought that 65% of fireworks injuries occur around the fucking fourth of July. I mean, the fourth of July isn't known for its firework displays or anything, so that is just amazing. I never knew that it was common practice to light fireworks during the fourth of July, so it is really surprising that injuries, caused by fireworks no less, happen so frequently during that time. Jeez, I was wondering what all those loud noises and bright flashes in the sky were about, I just thought I was having flashbacks to my Vietnam days (I am 20, by the way). To quote Forest Gump, "We was always taking long walks, and we was always looking for a guy named 'Charlie.'"
If you haven't picked up my sarcasm yet, you should get your sarcasm sensor checked because I am laying it on pretty thick. I mean, really, that is the best USA Today could do for that days snapshot? Just for your reference, that snapshot appeared on the July 29th edition of USA Today. You know what, I need to get my people on this one. I don't care how many letters I have to write, USA Today does not deserve the title of "The Nation's Newspaper." I am kidding, by the way, I usually enjoy USA Today, but that little snapshot got me going. It must have seemed like a good idea at the time, but all it did was state the obvious. It is okay to state the obvious sometimes, but to actually waste space on the front page of a newspaper...well, that is inexcusable. I mean, they couldn't have posted a picture of a missing kid instead? Or possibly a used car ad? Anything would have been better than that piece of work....
Oh, and this entry would not be complete without another quote from Forest Gump: "...and that's all I gotta say about that." Thank you and good night.
Thursday, August 12, 2004
Yeah, Yeah, Yeah...
Yeah, I've heard your complaints. "Ken, why don't you update more often?" Well, that depends, do you want the short answer or the long answer. The short answer is that my life is too boring, so I never have anything interesting to post about. Sure, I could come on my blog and do my best to make up some interesting story, and believe me, I have tried in the past, but it usually ends up turning into a disaster (which will also be the fate of this post, as well). Oh, so you say you want the long answer? Well, since I'm white, I don't have too much experience dealing with long things, so I'll quit while I'm ahead, or behind, whichever is funnier.
In reality, the long answer is about the same length as the short answer. To put it bluntly, I am just too damn lazy. It isn't like I'm slow at typing or anything like that, I am a fast typer, and I suspect that has something to do with my problem. You see, I pretty much spend most of my days on the Internet, except when I'm working, sleeping, or masturbating (even then, I'm on the Internet sometimes). That is all that I need to survive, and I like it that way. I am beginning to think I'm a vampire though, because I rarely go out in the daylight. Don't get the wrong idea here, I have friends, I just never get around to hanging out with them. I am perfectly content with spending hours on the computer, but I do enjoy going out occasionally. You might be saying to yourself, "self, if Ken is on the Internet all the damn time, then why doesn't he update more often?" That is a good question, and I'll have to get back to you on that one....
So enough about that, how about a real update? I have been working 40 hours a week for basically the whole summer, and I am actually enjoying it. Yes, I still hate my job, but it beats the alternative, which is unemployment. That is my new motto in life, and I think everyone should adopt that motto. Whenever I think of something, I think of the alternative to determine which is better (or which is worse). Sure, everybody hates people that are constantly happy, but hell, it sure beats people that are always in a bad mood. Who would you rather deal with, a person that is actually stupid, but thinks that they know it all, or a smart person who thinks that they are dumb. I'd go with the latter on that one, but that is just my opinion because I hate dealing with stupid know-it-alls.
Okay, I have a question for anyone that has a dog. In the middle of the night, have you ever accidently stepped on or tripped over your dog? I find myself doing it at least once a week, some weeks more. I always find it rather amusing, at least from my perspective. I mean, the dog has no fucking clue what you're doing. You always get that unknowing look and it must be thinking, "what the fuck is this asshole hitting me for!?" It probably thinks we are doing it on purpose, but in all actuality, we can't see for shit during the night, so we have no idea where they are. Don't get me wrong, I usually remember to step carefully during the night, but some nights I'm just not paying attention, so I sometimes end up stumbling over a dog. Oh well, God damn dogs. I mean, both my dogs have pillows and we place them out of the walkway, so if they were on the pillows, this wouldn't keep happening. I still feel bad though, I just wish they would realize that I'm not doing it on purpose.
Alright, I would like to take the time to voice a complaint. I would just like to give a big fuck you to all you assholes over at Adult Swim (which is on Cartoon Network). You bastards got rid of Aqua Teen Hunger Force! To anyone who has never seen the show, shame on you! It was truly a great show, and it will be missed immensely. I am saddened by the loss, but then I remembered that Adult Swim is the reason that Fox brought back Family Guy, which has new episodes coming out next year. Mad props to Adult Swim for that. Adult Swim also showed that, if given the chance, Futurama can be a successful show. Futurama is another one of those shows (along with Family Guy), that got cancled before its time. I hope that Fox realizes that and also brings back Futurama. If you like Futurama, you can check out this interview with Billy West.
Well, that is enough for now. I had more, but I figured I should save it for my next post (and who knows when that will be). Thank you for visiting my blog, and good night!
In reality, the long answer is about the same length as the short answer. To put it bluntly, I am just too damn lazy. It isn't like I'm slow at typing or anything like that, I am a fast typer, and I suspect that has something to do with my problem. You see, I pretty much spend most of my days on the Internet, except when I'm working, sleeping, or masturbating (even then, I'm on the Internet sometimes). That is all that I need to survive, and I like it that way. I am beginning to think I'm a vampire though, because I rarely go out in the daylight. Don't get the wrong idea here, I have friends, I just never get around to hanging out with them. I am perfectly content with spending hours on the computer, but I do enjoy going out occasionally. You might be saying to yourself, "self, if Ken is on the Internet all the damn time, then why doesn't he update more often?" That is a good question, and I'll have to get back to you on that one....
So enough about that, how about a real update? I have been working 40 hours a week for basically the whole summer, and I am actually enjoying it. Yes, I still hate my job, but it beats the alternative, which is unemployment. That is my new motto in life, and I think everyone should adopt that motto. Whenever I think of something, I think of the alternative to determine which is better (or which is worse). Sure, everybody hates people that are constantly happy, but hell, it sure beats people that are always in a bad mood. Who would you rather deal with, a person that is actually stupid, but thinks that they know it all, or a smart person who thinks that they are dumb. I'd go with the latter on that one, but that is just my opinion because I hate dealing with stupid know-it-alls.
Okay, I have a question for anyone that has a dog. In the middle of the night, have you ever accidently stepped on or tripped over your dog? I find myself doing it at least once a week, some weeks more. I always find it rather amusing, at least from my perspective. I mean, the dog has no fucking clue what you're doing. You always get that unknowing look and it must be thinking, "what the fuck is this asshole hitting me for!?" It probably thinks we are doing it on purpose, but in all actuality, we can't see for shit during the night, so we have no idea where they are. Don't get me wrong, I usually remember to step carefully during the night, but some nights I'm just not paying attention, so I sometimes end up stumbling over a dog. Oh well, God damn dogs. I mean, both my dogs have pillows and we place them out of the walkway, so if they were on the pillows, this wouldn't keep happening. I still feel bad though, I just wish they would realize that I'm not doing it on purpose.
Alright, I would like to take the time to voice a complaint. I would just like to give a big fuck you to all you assholes over at Adult Swim (which is on Cartoon Network). You bastards got rid of Aqua Teen Hunger Force! To anyone who has never seen the show, shame on you! It was truly a great show, and it will be missed immensely. I am saddened by the loss, but then I remembered that Adult Swim is the reason that Fox brought back Family Guy, which has new episodes coming out next year. Mad props to Adult Swim for that. Adult Swim also showed that, if given the chance, Futurama can be a successful show. Futurama is another one of those shows (along with Family Guy), that got cancled before its time. I hope that Fox realizes that and also brings back Futurama. If you like Futurama, you can check out this interview with Billy West.
Well, that is enough for now. I had more, but I figured I should save it for my next post (and who knows when that will be). Thank you for visiting my blog, and good night!
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