New job and not much else

I finally got a new job. Well, I should say, my dad got me a new job. My dad works in a shop at a mold making company (he has been there for about 20 years or so). After he found out that I dropped my only class this semester, he told me that it was time to get a real job. And so, I went and filled out an application, my dad pulled a few strings, some time passed, and then one day I got a call. I was told that the company had an opening in the office. I was really excited because that meant that I didn't have to work in the shop (nothing against the shop, it's just that I'm not very mechanically inclined). I started about three weeks ago, on November 7th. So far so good. It's a lot better than 7-11. Off of the top of my head, I can name a few things that I like more about this job than my previous job at 7-11:

• I have a set schedule (I work Monday-Friday 6 AM until 4:30 PM and 6-noon on Saturday)


• As you can see from above, I get Sunday's off (this is great during football season)


• I work 56 hours, so I get 16 hours of time and a half


• I don't have to deal with customers


• My job sometimes involves me sitting down at a computer


• I don't have to wear a uniform


• I can listen to music while I work (yes, I could to this at 7-11, but I couldn't really pay much attention to the music because of customers)

Those are just a few of the things I can think of off the top of my head. I'm sure that there are more. The only bad thing about my job is waking up at 5 AM to get ready for work, but I'm already used to that after three weeks. Some days though, I still wake up thinking, "What the fuck am I doing up?" Oh well, it's not that bad really. Like I said, it's better than 7-11. I'd say about ten times better.

As for what I do. My title is blueprint runner. Basically, the designers design molds on a program called CadKey. After they are done with the designs, they put in a blueprint request form. They give it to my supervisor, he gives it to me, and I go from there. I first print up the blueprints, then I fold them a certain way, and then I stamp various stamps. After that, I give them to my supervisor and he logs whatever I gave him into his book. Depending on where the prints are going determines what happens next. If the prints are going to the customer, my supervisor drops them off to his supervisor and I never see them again. If the prints are going down to the shop, my supervisor gives them to me. Then, I deliver them down to the shop. In the process of doing that, I log the prints into a couple of books (saying I delivered the prints) and get a few signatures here and there (saying I delivered the prints). That's about it.

To sum it up, I deal with anything and everything blueprint. Hence the title, blueprint runner, which is much better than my previous title. If you don't remember my previous title, it was a self proclaimed one. I called myself a Slurpee Engineer. I'm really glad I left that title in the dust. Well, that's all I got for you tonight. Hopefully my updates are more frequent starting now. No promises though. Good night everyone.

Fantasy Hockey Week In Review 2

Fudge For Judge
6. Fudge For Judge 8-7-5 .525
Week 2 record: 6-3-1

Standings: Moved from 10th place to 6th place.

Most fatal move: No major mistakes really. My goalies aren't playing up to snuff though. Brodeur, especially, has been very disappointing. He'll bounce back though. He's not the best goalie in the league for nothing.

Snood
5. Snood 9-6-5 .575
Week 2 record: 4-4-2

Standings: Moved from 4th place to 5th place.

Most fatal move: Not starting Steve Sullivan on Wednesday. He had a goal and two assists, all on the power play. At the time, I was pissed, but it ended up not hurting my team, so it doesn't really matter.

Kirby's Heroes
3. Kirby's Heroes 11-7-2 .600
Week 2 record: 5-4-1

Standings: Moved from 5th place to 3rd place.

Most fatal move: Again, no major mistakes. Same story as Fudge For Judge. My goalies aren't performing.

HERE I AM
11. HERE I AM 7-12-1 .375
Week 2 record: 3-6-1

Standings: Moved from 10th place to 11th place.

Most fatal move: I just flat out got beat. I made no major mistakes, aside from starting DiPietro in place of Kolzig Monday night. Kolzig got the win and had a better save percentage, but DiPietro didn't play terribly bad or anything. The team that I was up against was just slightly better than me. That's the breaks.

PARTY AT FENDER'S
5. PARTY AT FENDER'S 11-7-2 .600
Week 2 record: 8-1-1

Standings: Moved from 8th place to 5th place.

Most fatal move: I went 8-1-1 this week, so the mistakes that I did make didn't hurt my team. I have nothing to report.

FAT BOTTOMED GIRLS
5. FAT BOTTOMED GIRLS 10-9-1 .525
Week 2 record: 5-5-0

Standings: Moved from 6th place to 5th place.

Most fatal move. No bad moves really, just underachieving goalies. This seems to be a reoccurring theme on all my teams. I hope the theme stops this week.

Gary Coleman
3. Gary Coleman 11-5-4 .650
Week 2 record: 7-1-2

Standings: Moved from 7th place to 3rd place.

Most fatal move: This team had a good week. No major mistakes and nothing to complain about.

The Scorpions
5. The Scorpions 10-8-2 .550
Week 2 record: 5-4-1

Standings: Moved from 4th place to 5th place.

Most fatal move: My offense was fine. My goalies weren't bad, but the other teams goalies just outperformed them. 5-4-1 is not a terrible record, so I have no major compliants.

Fantasy Hockey Week In Review

Fudge For Judge
10. Fudge For Judge 2-4-4 .400

Most fatal move: Starting Olaf Kolzig over John Grahame. Kolzig gave up eight goals in a loss and Grahame gave up one goal in a win. I probably would have won the goals against category and the save percentage category if it wasn't for this. That's the difference between a respectable 4-4-2 record and a dismal 2-4-4 record. You win this round, Matt.

Snood
4. Snood 5-2-3 .650

Most fatal move: Not starting Jason Arnott on opening night. He had a goal, three assists, was +1, had 4 penalty minuets, and 2 power play points. Fan-fucking-tastic.

Kirby's Heroes
5. Kirby's Heroes 6-3-1 .650

Most fatal move: Not starting John Grahame on opening night. I started Robert Esche over him, and Grahame clearly had the better night, picking up the win and only allowing two goales. Meanwhile, Esche got shelled for five in a loss.

HERE I AM
10. HERE I AM 4-6-0 .400

Most fatal move: Not starting Dainius Zubrus on opening night. He had a goal and an assist, while the two that I started only had an assist between the two of them.

PARTY AT FENDER'S
8. PARTY AT FENDER'S 3-6-1 .350

Most fatal move: Nothing really. The other guy just had a slightly better week than me.

FAT BOTTOMED GIRLS
6. FAT BOTTOMED GIRLS 5-4-1 .550

Most fatal move: Not starting John Grahame on Saturday night. Again, he gave up a goal and got the win. However, this move didn't hurt me like it did above. I still won three of the four goalie categories. Still, it could have hurt me and that's why it was my most fatal move.

Gary Coleman
7. Gary Coleman 4-4-2 .500

Most fatal move: There are two this time. Both invovle not starting John Grahame. When am I going to learn my god damn lesson? This hurt me just like it did above. I probably would have won the goals against category and the save percentage category if it wasn't for this.

The Scorpions
4. The Scorpions 5-4-1 .550

Most fatal move: Not starting John Grahame on opening night. You know the story by now. Again though, this move didn't hurt me like it did the two above times.

The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year

Who says that the Christmas season is the most wonderful time of the year. Although Fall is my least favorite time of year, in terms of seasons, fall is my favorite time of year for sports. Football is beginning to take shape, baseball is in full swing with the playoffs, and hockey is just getting started. Oh, and not to mention basketball, even though it's my least favorite of the four major sports. Basketball doesn't start until November though, so it's not quite that time of year just yet. In any event, this time of year is what makes it great to be a sports fan.

I'm especially excited about hockey. I really really missed it. As I illustrated in my previous post, I'm in eight fantasy hockey pools. The one I really hope to win is the one I'm in with my friends. I like my chances. And in order to increase my chances, I dropped 129 bucks into NHL Center Ice the other day. Even if I don't win my pool, I'll have a blast watching hockey all season. And let me say one thing about the new NHL ads. They aren't that great, I don't care for them, but they aren't for the avid hockey fan anyway. The new ads are for the fringe fan. And if the ads get more fringe fans to watch the game, then great. Anything to increase the popularity of the game is fine in my book.

I also heard about the activist woman who had a problem with the ads. If you haven't heard about that, go here. I know I'm a little late on this, but here's my take. People of her variety like to look too deeply into things. She's the kind of person who would think you were calling her a fat ass if you asked her if she wanted to go to the gym with you later. These people have an obscure concept of reality. The purpose of any ad is to sell a product. If the ad sells the product, it has done its job. If you don't like the add, you have one of two choices. You can either buy the product anyway or you can refuse to buy the product (in this case, replace buy with watch). It's a simple concept really. If you really don't like the ad for a product, don't buy (watch) the product. By causing this controversey, the only thing you are doing is drawing more attention to the ad.

Now, you may be saying to yourself, "Self, I thought Ken said that he didn't like the ad either." Yes, I did say that, but the reason I have is different from Martha Burk's reason. The new NHL ads are too Hollywood for my blood. However, that doesn't mean I won't watch hockey. I don't need hockey to be sold to me because I already love it. As I said, the new ads are for those that need hockey to be sold to them (the fringe fan). In closing, I would just like to remind Martha Burk that 7-11 sells tampons. It must be that time of the month for her. And on that sexist note, I'm ending this paragraph.

As I'm typing this, the Red Sox have been swept by the White Sox. I must say, I'm very happy about this. Over the past year, I've had an assfull of Boston area fans, especially Red Sox fans. I was happy for them last year, but I hope it takes another 86 years for the Red Sox to win another World Series. And now, with the early departure of the Red Sox, I can only hope that the New England Patriots share the same fate. I don't think I could take another Super Bowl win by the Pats. The Patriots have won three of the last four Super Bowls, so it's time to share the wealth. You can't win every year and there's nothing worse than a Boston fan...except maybe a New York fan.

Well, I had some more things that I wanted to talk about, but this update is already too long. Maybe tomorrow. You stay classy, San Diego.

Fantasy Hockey

I just came on to post about my eight fantasy hockey teams. I'm going to list the players. Then I'm going to give my rankings on my offense, defense, and goalies on a scale of 1 to 5 (with 5 being the best). Then I'm going to provide some additional commentary. Then I'm going to give my predication on how I think I'll do. This is purely for my own reference/entertainment. If you don't like it, leave. K thx.


Fudge For Judge: Team One's Players
Forwards/Defensemen
C P. Datsyuk (Det - C)
C S. Gomez (NJ - C)
LW R. Smyth (Edm - LW)
LW S. Doan (Pho - LW)
RW A. Kovalev (Mon - RW)
RW J. O'Neill (Tor - RW)
D E. Jovanovski (Van - D)
D Z. Chara (Ott - D)
D J. Pitkanen (Phi - D)
D P. Brisebois (Col - D)
*BN A. Yashin (NYI - C)
*BN N. Zherdev (Cls - RW)
*BN E. Daze (Chi - LW)

Goaltenders
M. Brodeur (NJ - G) Bench
J. Grahame (TB - G) Bench
*BN K. Lehtonen (Atl - G) Bench

Oh, and just so you know, BN stands for bench. Those are the players that are currently on my bench. You will need to know that abbreviation for the rest of the update, so keep that in mind. Thank you.

My Rankings
Offense: 4
Defense: 4
Goalies: 3

Commentary
As you can see, my first team's name is Fudge For Judge. It is dedicated to my boy Fudge, who could not make it in the fantasy hockey pool this year. You may not be with us Fudge, but your spirit is. Here's the league, if you care to check it out.

I had the 1st pick in this draft, so I drafted Brodeur. My other goalies are rather mediocre, but I have Brodeur, so I can't complain. I'm in this league with a buch of real life friends, and that coke whore Matt stole two goalies that I wanted, Theodore and DiPietro. Like I said though, I have Brodeur, which means that I'm not too worried about my goalie situation. I would be a little more at ease if I had either Theodore or DiPietro, but hey, what are you going to do? I could offer up a trade, but I like both my offense and defense, so I don't want to part with anyone. I can't really complain about this team, so moving on to my prediction.

My Prediction
In this league, I'm expecting to finish in 2nd place, at the worst. My Canadian friend Temujin will probably finish in first, being that he is Canadian and all. If not, I will be extremely disappointed in him!

Snood: Team Two's Players
Forwards/Defensemen
C M. Modano (Dal - C)
C J. Arnott (Dal - C)
LW I. KovalchukNA (Atl - LW)
LW M. Ribeiro (Mon - LW)
RW T. Bertuzzi (Van - RW)
RW S. Sullivan (Nsh - RW)
D S. Niedermayer (Anh - D)
D M. Schneider (Det - D)
D E. Jovanovski (Van - D)
D S. Ozolinsh (Anh - D)
BN A. Kovalev (Mon - RW)
BN A. Yashin (NYI - C)
BN E. Daze (Chi - LW)

Goaltenders
G K. Weekes (NYR - G)
G C. Osgood (Det - G)
BN R. DiPietro (NYI - G)

My Rankings
Offense: 3
Defense: 4
Goalies: 2

Commentary
My second team's name is Snood. I love the team name, but I hate the team. Details below. Here's the league information.

Let me start off by saying that I missed the first ten rounds of the draft because of work. I thought the draft started at 10:00 PM, but it turns out that it started at 9:00 PM. I got out of work at 9:00, thinking that I would make it on time for the draft. Well, as it turns out, it actually started at 9:00 and I missed over half of the draft. Let me go ahead and break down the first ten auto picks and then I'll break down the six picks I was there for. Keep in mind that I had the 10th pick in the draft.

1. I. Kovalchuk
: I would be extremely happy with this auto pick, but he doesn't have a contract with the Thrashers and might end up in Russia this year. So, it pretty much goes without saying that I'm pissed about this pick. I would have never made it.

2. T. Bertuzzi
: I'm very happy with this auto pick, it's who I would have taken anyway.

3. S. Niedermayer
: I probably wouldn't have taken him in the third round, but not a bad auto pick here. He should have a good year with the Ducks.

4. S. Sullivan
: Eh, I have mixed feelings about this pick. The Predators are a team on the rise and Sullivan played out of his mind the last time hockey was played. I probably wouldn't have drafted him, but this is not a bad auto pick.

5. M. Ribeiro
: This pick doesn't seem that bad when you first look at it, but when you consider that Chara was still on the board at the time, I would have rather taken Chara. All in all, not that bad of an auto pick. I wouldn't have drafted him myself, but not that horrible.

6. M. Modano
: I'm expecting him to bounce back this year and have a good season. Let's hope my expectations are met. I'm fairly happy with this auto pick.

7. J. Arnott
: I am not, however, happy with this auto pick. With this pick, I now have two centers from the same team. I loathe drafting two players that play the same position on the same team. This is something that I try to avoid at all costs, unless it's a very deep team. I would have never made this pick, not in a million years. This is the second worst auto pick in this draft. The first, you ask? Keep on reading.

8. M. Schneider
: Decent pick up in the 8th round. I'm fairly content with this auto pick. I always like to have one Red Wing on my team to root for while watching a game, so I'm glad to have him.

9. K. Weekes
: Kevin fucking Weekes. He's as black as the night and sucks almost as much as a black hole. This is the worst auto pick by far. I would have never, ever, ever, made this pick. Unless, of course, I was high and/or drunk off my ass. And to top it off, he's my number one goalie. I'll leave you with that to mull over.

10. C. Osgood
: This could turn out to be a decent auto pick. Keyword being could. Osgood was one of my favorite players when he played for the Wings. However, sentimental feelings aside, I don't have a very positive outlook on this pick. I think that Leagace will start the lion's share of games this year and that Osgood will be his backup. Call it a gut feeling, that's all I'm basing it on. I really hope that I'm wrong about this or this team is truely screwed.

Okay, this is where I come into the draft. After seeing the selection of Kevin fucking Weekes, I almost said screw it and was about to exit the draft. But hell, I figured that when life hands you a lemon, you make lemonade. So, I stayed and tried to salvage the draft as best as I could. Considering the situation, I think I did a pretty decent job. See for yourself:

1. E. Jovanovski
: I wanted to shore up my defense and did so with this pick. My defense is my favorite part of this team, which isn't usually a good thing.

2. R. DiPietro
: He was the best goalie available, and while I'm not exactly thrilled with my three goalies, I feel that he is the best that I have. I'm really hoping for a great season from him, or else I think I'm really in trouble.

3. A. Kovalev
: I was very happy to get him in the 13th round. He was a sleeper pick on my board and I'm so glad he was still there in this draft. Just like my defense, I'm fairly pleased with my right wings.

4. A. Yashin
: If it wasn't for the fact that I have both Modano AND Arnott at center, I would be very happy with my centers, especially after making this selection. I need to find a way to get rid of one of them. Wish my luck.

5. E. Daze
: Major gamble number one. He is often injured, but when he is not, he's a solid player. I'm hoping that he has a healthy and productive season.

6. S. Ozolinsh
: Major gamble number two. He can't play defense worth a lick, but he's great offensively. He is also often injured, so needless to say, I'm hoping for a healthy and productive season from him as well.

My Prediction
In this league, I'm hoping to stay out of the consolation bracket, which means I'm hoping for a top six finish. I wouldn't be too surprised if I finished near the bottom in this league, but realistically, I'm expecting to finish in the top six. To make an exact prediction, I'm going to go with 5th place, at worst. Maybe a bold prediction, but I think I can turn this team around.

Kirby's Heroes: Team Three's Players
Forwards/Defensemen
C P. Datsyuk (Det - C)
C S. Gomez (NJ - C)
LW M. Naslund (Van - LW)
LW P. Kariya (Nsh - LW)
RW D. Heatley (Ott - RW)
RW J. O'Neill (Tor - RW)
D E. Jovanovski (Van - D)
D J. Pitkanen (Phi - D)
D D. Morris (Pho - D)
D T. Kaberle (Tor - D)
BN H. Zetterberg (Det - LW)
BN S. Koivu (Mon - C)
BN A. Mogilny (NJ - RW)


Goaltenders
G R. Esche (Phi - G)
G J. Theodore (Mon - G)
BN J. Grahame (TB - G)

My Rankings
Offense: 4
Defense: 4
Goalies: 4

Commentary
My third team is named Kirby's Heroes, which is also the name of my bowling team. This is probably my favorite team name and team. Here is the league page.

As I said, this is my favorite team, especially in terms of balance. I had the 6th pick in this draft, and I have come to the conclusion that the sixth or seventh pick is probably the best pick to have. Either that, or I just got lucky. All across the board, my team is solid. I can't find one weakness. Not one. I have nothing to complain about, nor do I have anything to analyze with this one. So, moving on to my prediction.

My Prediction
I would be seriously disappointed if I didn't finish in 1st place with this team. With the team that I have, anything less would be underachieving. This really is a solid team, up and down. While I don't expect to run away with the league, I do expect to finish on top. Call it another bold prediction, if you like.

HERE I AM: Team Four's Players
Forwards/Defensemen
C P. Datsyuk (Det - C)
C J. Spezza (Ott - C)
LW S. Doan (Pho - LW)
LW H. Zetterberg (Det - LW)
RW T. Bertuzzi (Van - RW)
RW N. Zherdev (Cls - RW)
D Z. Chara (Ott - D)
D E. Jovanovski (Van - D)
D S. Ozolinsh (Anh - D)
D J. Modry (Atl - D)
BN P. Demitra (LA - C)
BN E. Daze (Chi - LW)
BN D. Zubrus (Was - RW)

Goaltenders
G A. Raycroft (Bos - G)
G R. DiPietro (NYI - G)
BN K. Lehtonen (Atl - G)

My Rankings
Offense: 3
Defense: 4
Goalies: 3

Commentary
My fourth team's named HERE I AM. HERE I AM, and the subsequent ROCK YOU LIKE A HURRICANE, represents how I roll. I hope to rock this league like a hurricane.

I had the 5th pick in this draft. I'm not exactly thrilled about this team, but I'm not too down on it either. The best part about this team is down the middle because I have three solid centers. My six wingers are all decent, but as a group, they are nothing spectacular. On pretty much all of my teams, I really like my defense. This team is no exception. I don't feel that any of my goalies are elite, but all are serviceable. Maybe they will all surprise me and all put up great seasons. With that being said, here's my prediction.

My Prediction
I have high hopes for this team, but I need some help from my goalies. If one of my goalies turns out to have an elite season, I see no reason why I shouldn't finish in first place. However, I could say that about any of my teams, so I'm going to give a more accurate predicition. I see myself finishing no worse than 3rd place in this league. If I catch a few breaks, I should finish in first place, but that can be said for anyone. Be that as it may, I still think I'll finish somewhere in the top three.

PARTY AT FENDER'S: Team Five's Players
Forwards/Defensemen
C S. Crosby (Pit - C)
C S. Gomez (NJ - C)
LW P. Kariya (Nsh - LW)
LW H. Zetterberg (Det - LW)
RW T. Bertuzzi (Van - RW)
RW D. Heatley (Ott - RW)
D Z. Chara (Ott - D)
D E. Jovanovski (Van - D)
D P. Brisebois (Col - D)
D S. Ozolinsh (Anh - D)
BN N. Zherdev (Cls - RW)
BN A. Yashin (NYI - C)
BN E. Daze (Chi - LW)

Goaltenders
G A. Raycroft (Bos - G)
G R. DiPietro (NYI - G)
BN K. Lehtonen (Atl - G)

My Rankings
Offense: 4
Defense: 4
Goalies: 3

Commentary
My team is named PARTY AT FENDER'S. If I win first place in this league, there will be a party at Fender's.

I had the 4th pick in this draft. I'm very happy with my three right wings, I think that is my strong point on this team. I'm pretty happy with my defense, as always. After doing eight of these drafts, I realized that the NHL is surprisingly thin on left wing. With that being said, I'm happy that I have Kairya and Zetterberg. If Crosby lives up to his expectations, my centers will be almost as good as my right wings. As always, I'm not exactly thrilled with my goalie situation. This isn't a good thing because four out of the ten win/loss categories are goalie categories. However, last time hockey was played, I wasn't too thrilled with my goalie situation and I ended up winning first place. I only had one team that year, but I still think I have a chance to win first place with all eight of my teams.

My Predicition
As I said above, I think I have a good chance to win first place with all of my teams (with the exception of one). This team is no exception. I feel that I have good balance with this team, even though my goaltenders need a little luck. To put an exact number on it, I see myself finishing no worse than 2nd place in this league. Another bold predicition maybe, but I have confidence in myself when it comes to fantasy hockey.

FAT BOTTOMED GIRLS: Team Six's Players
Forwards/Defensemen
C P. Datsyuk (Det - C)
C A. Yashin (NYI - C)
LW P. Kariya (Nsh - LW)
LW R. Smyth (Edm - LW)
RW D. Heatley (Ott - RW)
RW A. Kovalev (Mon - RW)
D N. Lidstrom (Det - D)
D E. Jovanovski (Van - D)
D J. Pitkanen (Phi - D)
D D. Morris (Pho - D)
BN T. Selanne (Anh - RW)
BN C. Drury (Buf - C)
BN E. Daze (Chi - LW)

Goaltenders
G M. Turco (Dal - G)
G J. Grahame (TB - G)
BN K. Lehtonen (Atl - G)

My Rankings
Offense: 3
Defense: 4
Goalies: 3

Commentary
My team name is FAT BOTTOMED GIRLS because they make the rocking world go round. This team is dedicated to all the fat bottomed girls out there. You know who you are. Here's the league.

I had the 4th pick in this draft and I didn't use it too well. I guess I'll start with my strong suit, which I think is defense this team. Like I said, that usually isn't a good thing. If you look at my current starters on offense, you will say that they aren't that bad and you'd be right. But if you look at my bench, you will realize that I'm pretty much taking a gamble on all three of them. Add in the fact that my goalie situation is dire as usual and you don't have the makings of a good fantasy season. Here's my prediction.

My Predicition
I am probably the least excited about this team of all my teams. I mean, at least I have the challenge of turning a team around on the team I missed half the draft with. That challenge, in and of itself, is exciting. With this team, it's all my fault for what I feel was a horrible draft. I know it's not that bad, but I'm just not happy with the results. Be that as it may, I still see this team finishing in the top six. If I had to put a number on it, I would say that this team finishes in 4th place. I think that this team has the potential to overachieve my predicition, but I wouldn't be surprised if I'm dead on with this one.

Gary Coleman: Team Seven's Players
Forwards/Defensemen
C P. Datsyuk (Det - C)
C J. Spezza (Ott - C)
LW R. Smyth (Edm - LW)
LW S. Doan (Pho - LW)
RW D. Heatley (Ott - RW)
RW J. O'Neill (Tor - RW)
D E. Jovanovski (Van - D)
D J. Pitkanen (Phi - D)
D T. Poti (NYR - D)
D P. Brisebois (Col - D)
BN S. Koivu (Mon - C)
BN D. Sedin (Van - LW)
BN A. Mogilny (NJ - RW)

Goaltenders
G R. Esche (Phi - G)
G A. Raycroft (Bos - G)
BN J. Grahame (TB - G)

My Rankings
Offense: 4
Defense: 4
Goalies: 4

Commentary
This team is dedicated to all the little people out there. Specifically, it is dedicated to one little person, which is why this team is named Gary Coleman. Here is the league, look at it if you must.

I had the 11th pick in this draft and I feel that I did quite well with it. This team is just a step below Kirby's Heroes because I don't have the same depth at left wing on this team. However, I like the centers on this team a little more. All in all, the two teams are pretty even. With that being said, here's my predicition.

My Predicition
It is important to note that some douche nozzle drafted 14 goalies in this league. He claimed that it was part of his strategy and that he did it before to win his leagues. He is currently looking for trades, but a lot of the other league members have vowed to veto all of his trade attempts. I personally think that he was just trying to fuck up the league because now a lot of teams are hurting for goalies. With that factored in, I will probably run away with this league. It won't be a very rewarding victory, considering the circumstances, but it will be a victory nonetheless. It's 1st place or bust with this league.

The Scorpions: Team Eight's Players
Forwards/Defensemen
C P. Datsyuk (Det - C)
C J. Spezza (Ott - C)
LW P. Kariya (Nsh - LW)
LW S. Doan (Pho - LW)
RW D. Heatley (Ott - RW)
RW A. Kovalev (Mon - RW)
D Z. Chara (Ott - D)
D E. Jovanovski (Van - D)
D J. Pitkanen (Phi - D)
D S. Ozolinsh (Anh - D)
BN S. Koivu (Mon - C)
BN J. O'Neill (Tor - RW)
BN E. Daze (Chi - LW)

Goaltenders
G T. Vokoun (Nsh - G)
G R. Esche (Phi - G)
BN J. Grahame (TB - G)

My Rankings
Offense: 4
Defense: 4
Goalies: 4

Commentary
The team is named after the band, The Scorpions. As with HERE I AM, I expect to rock this league like a hurricane. It remains to be seen which team will rock which league more however.

I had the 10th pick in this draft. In terms of the draft, my only regrets are that I didn't get Bertuzzi (he was picked in the 1st round, just before my pick) and that I didn't get Zetterberg (I thought that I could wait a little longer on him, but someone took him a couple picks before I was going to). Other than that, I think that this is a very solid team. My goalies are good, I really like my defense, and I really really like my centers. As a group, my six wingmen are as strong a unit as any. I'm really happy with the way this team turned out.

My Predicition
Just as with Kirby's Heroes, I also expect this team to finish in 1st place. Up and down the roster, I have solid depth and solid balance. This team should make a serious run for first place, as should Kirby's Heroes. As I said, I would be disappointed with anything less.

Okay, here is the condensed breakdown of my total rankings, my predicitions, and my draft pick (the number of the selection):

1. Fudge For Judge
   
   
   
   • Total Ranking: 11/15
   
   
   • My Predicition: 2nd place
   
   
   • Draft Pick (#): 1st pick
   
   
   
   



2. Snood
   
   
   
   • Total Ranking: 9/15
   
   
   • My Predicition: 5th place
   
   
   • Draft Pick (#): 10th pick
   
   
   
   



3. Kirby's Heroes
   
   
   
   • Total Ranking: 12/15
   
   
   • My Predicition: 1st place
   
   
   • Draft Pick (#): 5th pick
   
   
   
   



4. HERE I AM
   
   
   
   • Total Ranking: 10/15
   
   
   • My Predicition: 3rd place
   
   
   • Draft Pick (#): 5th pick
   
   
   
   



5. PARTY AT FENDER'S
   
   
   
   • Total Ranking: 11/15
   
   
   • My Predicition: 2nd place
   
   
   • Draft Pick (#): 4th pick
   
   
   
   



6. FAT BOTTOMED GIRLS
   
   
   
   • Total Ranking: 10/15
   
   
   • My Predicition: 4th place
   
   
   • Draft Pick (#): 4th pick
   
   
   
   



7. Gary Coleman
   
   
   
   • Total Ranking: 12/15
   
   
   • My Predicition: 1st place
   
   
   • Draft Pick (#): 11th pick
   
   
   
   



8. The Scorpions
   
   
   
   • Total Ranking: 12/15
   
   
   • My Predicition: 1st place
   
   
   • Draft Pick (#): 10th pick
   
   
   
   

Expected finished:

1. Fudge For Judge: 2nd place


2. Snood: 5th place


3. Kirby's Heroes: 1st place


4. HERE I AM: 3rd place


5. PARTY AT FENDER'S: 2nd place


6. FAT BOTTOMED GIRLS: 4th place


7. Gary Coleman: 1st place


8. The Scorpions: 1st place

Expected 1st place finishes: 3
Expected 2nd place finishes: 2
Expected 3rd place finishes: 1
Expected 4th place finishes: 1
Expected 5th place finishes: 1

I know this wasn't much of an update. Deal with it.

Fuck Live Journal

And the horse it rode in on. How can I stay mad at blogger? It's so much better. Yes, this means I'm back on blogger. However, check back in about a week. I might be back on Live Journal. Well, sorry for the lack of updates. And if you were expecting an update this time, you will be sorely disappointed. So, if you don't like it, the back botton is located on the top left corner of your screen. Use it.

I will no longer be posting here

I have finally decided to break down and join the el jay community. For those of you who don't know, el jay means live journal. I have grown tired of blogger over the last few months and think that a change of scenery will do me well. If I don't like live joural, I might come back here. We'll see. Until then, you can find me here:

My El Jay

Ass Rammed

As I sit here typing this, the Detroit Lions are getting raped by the St. Louis Rams on Monday Night Football. Sometimes I don't even know why I bother with this team. I seriously don't. Year in and year out, they continue to disappoint me. I always get my hopes up and then shit like this happens every year. I know, I know. It's just preseason. But as of right now, the Lions are 0-3 in the preseason. They can't score in the red zone again. The defense has looked horrible every week. The three stud receives have looked mediocre, at best, all preseason. Joey Harrington, who looked great the first two games, has played horrible tonight. I don't know, I just can't take it anymore. The Lions have never been to a Super Bowl. Never. They haven't won a championship since 1957. That's almost 50 years. I'm 21 years old, and the other three major sports teams in Detroit have won a championship in my lifetime. Since the Lions last championship, the Tigers have won four championships (1935, 1945, 1968, 1984), the Pistons have won three (1989, 1990, 2004), and the Red Wings have won three (1997, 1998, 2002). That is absolutely ridiculous to the nth degree. And as if it couldn't get any more ridiculous, the Lions have only one playoff victory in that same time frame. That isn't just ridiculous. It's ricockulous.

Enough about the Lions though, what a downer. I'm excited about hockey starting up again. I have started a yahoo fantasy hockey league. Leave me a comment here if you are interested in joining. I need some more people to join, so anyone who regularly comments on here is welcome.

I'm so angry about Hurricane Katrina. Since it's a K, it should be Hurricane Ken. There aren't enough Hurricane Ken's blowing and there aren't enough girls blowing Ken. One of these days, I am going to make a list that has a theme for each state in the union. The state of Florida gets the theme, Rock You Like a Hurricane by the Scorpions. I think that it's a fitting theme. I would also like to say that Rock You Like a Hurricane is my personal theme. It represents how I roll, as the kids say.

Well, I got nothing more to bitch about, except gas prices. I'll save that for another update though. You stay classy, San Diego.

Hypocrites

If there is one thing I can't stand in this world, it's hypocrites. Now, I reailze that everyone is a hypocrite from time to time and that is fine. But the people that are constantly hypocritical, or hypocritical on the big things, really take the cake.

Take Pat Robertson, for example. This guy is a religious broadcaster for the Christian Broadcasting Network. In a recent eposide of the 700 club, he called for the killing of the Venezuelan President, Hugo Chavez. Read more about it here

Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't the sixth commandment Thou Shall Not Kill? Let me go ahead and break a few things done that he said. This is what he said:

"We have the ability to take him out, and I think the time has come that we exercise that ability. We don't need another $200 billion war to get rid of one, you know, strong-arm dictator. It's a whole lot easier to have some of the covert operatives do the job and then get it over with."

A few days later, he tried to defend himself by saying this:

"I didn't say 'assassination.' I said our special forces should 'take him out,'" Robertson said on his show. "'Take him out' could be a number of things..."

Right. Take him out. Our special forces could "take him out" for a nice night on the town. Maybe dinner and a movie. I hear Ashlee Simpson is great in Undiscovered. They could all have a nice steak dinner and booze it up a little. And if he plays his cards right, he could be pulling a train of special forces in his hotel room later that night. Come on now. What else could you possibly mean by take him out? What's that you say? Oh, taking him out could also mean kidnapping him? Let me point out what you said just prior to the take him out remark.

"You know, I don't know about this doctrine of assassination, but if he thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it. It's a whole lot cheaper than starting a war, and I don't think any oil shipments will stop."

Oh, I see. It's all so clear to me now. Even though take him out could mean a number of things, you were clearly referring to assassinating him. Imagine if a Muslim clerk called for the assassination of President Bush. The United States would be up in arms and calling for the guys head. I may strongly dislike President Bush, but I don't wish death upon him. That's wrong. And what's even more wrong is a religious leader, who claims to be moral and righteous and all that, calling for the assassination of anyone.

Be that as it may, I'm a forgiving man and Robertson did say that he was sorry. That doesn't make him any less of a hypocrite though, nor does it make him any less accountable. I hope that the FCC takes some sort of action and there is a price to pay for this. Not necessarily revoking his broadcasting license, that would be too harsh I think. However, there has to be consequences for his actions on this one. But hey, even if nothing happens, he'll have to pay the fiddler one way or another. I'm sure God isn't too crazy about people who call for the assassination of someone. I mean, I don't believe in God or anything, but I'm sure that if there is one, He doesn't take too kindly to things like that.

Anyways, that's all I wanted to say really. You stay classy, San Diego.

Racism in Nature and in Language

Well, I said I was going to post this last night, but I didn't get a chance to finish it. Better late than never though, as the kids say. Here it is.

I now have something for you that I've been working on for quite some time. I've been noticing a lot of racism in today's society lately. You see it in the government especially. It's just a bunch of white guys running the world basically. But hey, I have no problem with that anymore. In fact, I've come to expect it. However, there are still some things that you never quite expect. It has recently come to my attention that nature has a lot of inherent racism in it. I guess you could say that it's nature's nature to be racist. In addition to that, the English language also has a lot of racism rooted in many words and phrases. If you have no ideal what I'm talking about, keep on reading.

Racism in Nature
Let's start with white water rapids. I'd like to know where in the hell all the black water rapids are? You have no clue either? I'll tell you where they are then. The white water rapids are keeping the black water rapids down. They are keeping the black water rapids down at the bottom. Yeah, that's where they are. I mean, when is the last time you got to go black water rafting? Never. That's wrong, it needs to change, and that's just one example of racism in nature.

Have you ever noticed how beautiful white clouds are? Yeah, they are just great. Picture this. You're sitting there on the edge of a hillside. Not a care in the world, just looking up at the clouds. So white and fluffy, like marshmellows. You are just sitting there, beginning to see the shape of a dragon in one cloud, and suddenly it happens. The clouds begin to darken. Those once beautiful white clouds slowly transform, until they become dangerous black clouds. For some reason, you no longer seem interested in cloud watching. You check your wallet, making sure it's still there. You then decide to make a b-line to your car, running in fear because you think one of the black clouds is going to jack it. Again, that's wrong, and it needs to change. I mean really, what's the beef with black clouds? Sure, they may rain on us more often than white clouds, but that isn't any reason to hate them. And yeah, their lightning bolts are a lot bigger than the white clouds, but you can't hate them for that either. I guess you could say that every black cloud has a silver lining. Consider that the next time you give a dirty look to a black cloud for talking loudy during a movie.

Staying on the topic of things in the sky. Have you ever noticed how simply amazing the nighttime sky looks? Everyone notices the beauty that they can see in the stars. So wonderful with their white, yellow, and red colors. However, the backdrop of those stars often goes unappreciated. I'm talking about the blackness of space here. And when I talk about the blackness of space, it fills me up with soul. And when I'm filled with soul, I usually gag a few times. But this time, I'm going to break into verse.

The blackness of space never gets any credit
And really the stars are indebted
To the blackness of space

Where else would the stars glow
If it wasn't for the fro
Of the blackness of space

And those shooting stars you see
It's just a killing spree
Coldly committed by the blackness of space

Oh, and where did the moon go
The horizon, it is below
Getting cornholed by the blackness of space

But don't you dare fear
The Sun will soon be here
To take away the blackness of space

And that was my poem dedicated to the blackness of space. I hope you enjoyed it.

Speaking of space, how about black holes? For some reason, black holes continue to get a bad rap, but who are we to judge? As most of you already know, the gravitational field of a black hole is so strong that not even light can escape it. Many people hate black holes for that reason and that reason only. But really, is being that attractive necessarily a crime? I mean, us white holes would kill to be that attractive. We would kill for it. To be fair though, we should just embrace our black hole brothers and realize that some of our white hole sisters prefer them over us. I mean, have you ever seen a white hole dance? Yeah, it isn't pretty. So let's all raise our glasses and give a toast to black holes. They may be the end of us, but at least they aren't at the end of us pounding us in the ass. That kind of thing does go on in the prison system though. With that in mind, just a word of advice before I go on. Don't drop the soap in prison. Because if you drop, there is one thing that won't espace your white hole, and we're not talking about light here....

I would now like to talk about something that is very near and dear to me. Mixed animals. Oh, what a terrible life they have to lead. Never fully embraced by either community, they are shunned by both of their respective peers. Their black brothers want nothing to do with them because they are part white and their white brethren want nothing to do with them because they are part black. It's horrible, really. With that on your conscience, I would now like to recognize the hardships of the following mixed animals:

• Zebras, the illegitimate offspring of black stallions and white mares. Their father is hung like a horse, but he doesn't stick around for very long. Meanwhile, their salt whore mother doesn't have a paying job and is on welfare. It must suck to be a zebra in today's society. Not only do you get fucked by lions, but you have a broken home to go back to if you survive. Terrible, I say, just terrible.
• Penguins, the mutated offspring of black crows and white doves. Not really much to say about penguins. They seem better adapted to their surroundings than the other mixed animals. I suspect that it has something to do with the way they walk. I heard on the National Geographic channel that they waddle because of all the anal sex they partake in. True story. I mean, you'd be waddling to if you got ass raped as much as penguins do.
• Pandas, the love child of black bears and polar bears. The most endangered mixed animal on this list. They eat bamboo and don't like to have sex. Sounds a lot like my (nonexistent) girlfriend. But with all kidding aside, Panda bears are a very majestic animal. And by majestic, I mean worthless. Like I said, they do nothing but eat bamboo and lounge around all day long. It is only a matter of time before the Panda bear goes the way of the dodo. And I say good riddance. I mean really, who needs Panda bears?
• Cows, orgins unknown. I'm not quite sure which two animals a cow comes from. It is one of the great mystery's of the world. There is not much research in this field, so it is tough to figure out. I do like cows though. Milk is good. I mean, who doesn't like milk? And don't you dare mention those lactose intolerant pussies. What a bunch of bastards they are. So fucking intolerant. Can't accept cows for who the are and what they have. I spit on them. Okay, that's enough about that. I can't udder anymore more words about cows. Get it? Udder. Oh man, I crack myself up. I'M A FREAKING RIOT!

Enough about racism in nature, moving on. I would now like to talk about racism in the English language.

Racism in the English Language
Has anyone else wondererd why it is perfectly okay to tell a little white lie, and yet, it isn't okay to blackmail someone? Am I the only one who see the irony in that? I mean, come on. Just because something is white, doesn't make it right. And just because something is black, doesn't make it wrong. In my opinion, it should either be perfectly okay to tell a little white lie/blackmail someone or it should be wrong on both accounts. I'm tired of the double standard. I know you're sick of it as well. It's time to take a stand here people. Let's stick it to the man.

And another thing. How about the expression, you aren't the brightest crayon in the box? What racist bastard came up with that? I mean, what crayon do you think they're talking about when they say that? Certainly not the white crayon, nor the yellow crayon, nor the red crayon. They are talking about the black crayon and that's wrong. It's bad enough that the black crayon is often times segregated in the slums of the crayon box, amongst the other shady crayons. That's bad enough as it is. And yet, the black crayon is constantly assaulted with the aforementioned expression. Please everyone. Do me a favor, do black crayons everywhere a favor, and stop using this expression. Also, ridicule everyone you hear using this expression. Explain to them what I've explained to you. Thank you.

With the recent release of the sixth Harry Potter book, it seems that just about everyone is infatuated with magic. That is all well and good, but I think you all are missing the point here. Do any of you realize what the Harry Potter series is really implying? It is implying that black magic is bad. I mean, come on. The kids take a class called defense against the dark arts. The dark arts. What's so wrong with the dark arts? Why can't black magic be good? Is it really so wrong to practice black magic? Who are we to judge what kind of magic is good and what kind of magic is bad? Will I ever stop asking rhetorical questions? Not likely. Anyways, my point remains the same. What is so wrong with black magic? Inquiring minds want to know.

And another thing. Why is it that you blacklist someone when they gain your disapproval and you want to punish them? Why wouldn't you whitelist them? I mean, what color is paper normally? Is it not white? Sure, sometimes paper is yellow, but that is neither here nor there. In my whole entire life, I've never seen a piece of black paper, aside from cardboard paper. So why then, why do we blacklist someone? Why do most terms with the word black in them have negative connotations? Sure, there are some terms, such as little black book, that represent a good thing, but those are few and far between. Why is that? I am now making it my life's work to replace the term blacklist with whitelist. I think I've made a very persassive argument for why it makes more sense. I encourage you to follow my lead. You'll be making the world a better place. And just think of the kids.

Alright, moving right along. What's up with the term dealing on the black market? You know, the place where you buy and sell illicit goods. Why is it that only illicit goods are sold on the black market? I'll tell you why. It's the man bringing the black market down. The man is too uptight, too rigid, to allow these so called illicit goods on the white market. And to that, I say this. Don't panic, it's organic. It comes from the Earth, man. And nevermind the fact that various poisonous plants come from the Earth. Nevermind the man behind the curtain. I wouldn't want to kill your buzz, man. I wouldn't want to trip all over you trip, so to speak. I wouldn't want to crap in your pot brownies. Here's the thing. To all you idiots that like to claim that pot isn't harmful to you because it comes from the Earth, consider what I'm saying. Just because something comes from the Earth doesn't make it good for you. In fact, like I said, various plants/berries that come from the GOD DAMN EARTH are bad for you. Why don't you grow the fuck up and come up with another excuse for your addiction. Okay, I went a little off track there, but that needed to be said.

I am now on the tail end of this update. I will make a few more futile attempts at being funny, so please stay with me. I have just a few more examples of racism in language. So please, consider the following:

• Black eyes. Is it possible for a black person to get a black eye? Someone get back to me on that.
• Black cats. Why are they considered bad luck? Why aren't white cats considered bad luck as well? Why aren't all cats considered bad luck? I'm more of a dog person, if you can't already tell.
• My dentist recently told me to stop drinking black pop. I told him to fuck off. I was all like, just because the pop I drink is black doesn't make it bad for my teeth. Then I kicked him in the shin, called him a racist bastard, and then started to walk away. He wasn't too happy with me and started to say something, but I turned around and cut him off. I SAID GOOD DAY SIR, I shouted at him. I was never allowed back at that place again. True story.
• The Black Plague. Also known as the Black Death. Also known as the Bubonic Plague. Okay, for one, how many god damn names does this plague need to have. I mean, I know it was one of the deadliest plagues ever, but come on. Enough is enough. Three names is just way too many. And for two, again with the black. Why does one of the deadliest plagues in the history of mankind have to have the color black associated with it? I'm kidding, of course. I do realize that it was called the Black Plague because of the black spots it produced on the skin of its victims. What do you think I am, an idiot? Don't answer that.
• Black flag. Actually, I like the black flag because I associate it with pirates. No further quarrels.

Well, it's been a long and hopefully rewarding journey. I'm glad you've made it this far. I thank you for taking the time out of your busy day to read my ramblings. Until next time, this is Ken Schweigel signing off.

This updates for you

Well, I've gotten numerous requests from a few (two) people to update. I hate to disappoint, so here goes.

Life has been going alright. I'm on the tailend of a five day vacation from work. Boy did I ever need that. Being home these past five days has made me realize how much I really hate my job. I hate that place so much, it's not even funny. Well, I'll try to make it funny, but that's for later on in the update.

I've recently started seeing a therapist. I've went three times so far, with a fourth time lined up for the 23rd. The therapist thinks I have anxiety and she wants me to see a doctor about possibly taking some medication. I've had this anxiety problem for quite some time now and I really hope the medication helps me get it under control. The therapist also thinks that I am obsessive complusive, which I can also see. I'm not sure how we're going to work on that, but like I said, I've only went three times so far. I'm sure we'll work out a plan to get that under control as well. At least I hope so.

Anyways, enough about that. I would now like to take the time to voice a compliant I have with my work.

Suggestive selling. At my work, they want me to start doing suggestive selling. If you don't know what suggestive selling is, let me give you an example. As you may or may not know, I work at 7-11. And at 7-11, you get a deal if you buy two hot dogs. If the person buys one hot dog, they want me to suggest to the person to buy the another hot dog because they get a deal. Now, for one, the person gets a whole 20 cents off, so it isn't really a deal. But nonetheless, it's still a deal. For two, that isn't my idea of suggestive selling. Here's how I would do it. Hey fat ass. Yeah, you with the beer belly. Why don't you lay off the hot dogs and take a trip down the health bar isle there. Yeah, it's the fifth isle down, health bars will be on your right. And you with your fat hand on the jelly filled donut. Why don't you move your hand up a few shelves and have yourself a bagel. And you down the candy isle. Yeah, the person who is 150 pounds overweight and can barely walk from their car into the store without breathing hard. Why don't you go and take your lard ass to the gym and get yourself on the treadmill. Now that's what I call suggestive selling. I know I'm sounding awfully harsh here, but these things needed to be said.

Moving on. Tonight is a full moon. Some of you superstitious folk out there like to blame the full moon for all the bad things that have happened to you today. Some of you even go as far as to say that people act differently around the night of a full moon. Let me start off by saying this. I, for one, do not believe any of that crap. Here is how I see it.

You are having a bad day. It's your typical bad day, except there's a full moon out tonight. Any other bad day and you would think nothing of it. Or, at the very least, you'd attribute it to bad karma or some other crazy shit like that. People have a tendency to put two things together that have nothing to do with each other and then form what they think is a logical conclusion. I'm having a bad day today. Why am I having a bad day? Oh, it must be the full moon. If this happens enough times throughout your life, you begin to associate the full moon with bad days. And when you get it in your mind that you're going to have a bad day, you usually have a bad day. That's all I'm saying.

Oh, and on the front of people acting differently around the night of a full moon. I have a co-worker who claims that people act differently around the night of a full moon. She dreads working the night of a full moon because of it. In fact, she doesn't like to work the night before and the night after a full moon either. She claims that people act differently on those nights as well. My response to her is always the same. Why don't you go ahead and include the whole week of the full moon. I mean, if you're going to include the night before and the night after, go ahead and include the whole week. And while you're at it, why don't you go ahead and include the whole month. Again, this all goes back to people associating full moons with a few people acting strangely. Any other night, someone acts strange, you think nothing of it. But around the night of a full moon, someone acts strange, and it has got to be the full moon causing that person to act strange. Never mind the fact that you're actively looking for all the strangeness in people that day. No, it can't be that. It's got to be the full moon.

Okay, enough seriousness. My next post, which I am going to post tonight, is going to be a bit lighter. Stay tuned.

Bored

I'm bored, but I don't feel like updating. I'll fill out this survey instead.

time started: 10:54 pm
full name: Kenneth John Schweigel
nickname(s): Snood, Clutch Armstrong, K-Sizzle
birthday: May 27th, 1984
where were you born: Warren, Michigan
zodiac sign: I'm a Gemini but zodiac signs are for jerks and lesbians
height: 5' 7"
hair color: Brown
eye color: Blue
shoe size: 9
ring size: No ideal
skin type: I'm white as a ghost
blood type: No clue
grade: In college
siblings: A sister (19) and brother (13)
tattoos: LAME
piercings:Equally LAME
hobbies: Various sports (basketball, hockey, etc.)

favorite
color: Red
food: Italian
pizza topping: Cheese and pepperoni
salad dressing: N/A
sandwich: Peanut butter and jelly
cereal: Apple Jacks
fruit: Grapes
vegetable: Corn
cake: I'm not a big fan of cake
book: 1984
movie: Spaceballs
magazine: Popular Science
tv show: Family Guy
radio station: 94.7 WCSX (a local station in Detroit that plays classic rock)
actor: Adam Carolla (even though he's a C-List celebrity)
actress: Anyone with big tits (Jessica Simpson, Angelina Jolie, etc.)
cd: I don't own many CDs, but I'd have to say Queen Greatest Hits is pretty damn good
song: ROCK YOU LIKE A HURRICANE - SCORPIONS (However, my favorite song of the moment is Woman by John Lennon)
music type: Mostly classic rock (Although, I like some new rock)
day of the week: Saturday
month: October
season: Fall
holiday: Halloween
shampoo: Dove
conditioner: Dove
number: 3, 13, and 666
store: Borders, Waldenbooks, Sears, Media Play, Best Buy
weather: Sun and clouds mixed (more sun than clouds though) with the temperature in the low 70s
restaurant: Coney
channel: Discovery Channel, National Geograhpic, History Channel, Comedy Central, ESPN
weekend activity: Every day of the week is the same for me
hangout: I enjoy hanging out in my room...yeah, I enjoy it (/end sarcasm)
house color: Light brown and green
sport to watch: Hockey
sport to play: Hockey
animal: I like dogs and cats (Dolphins are pretty cool too)
flower: Dandelions (who the hell decided tulips were so great)
guy's name: Clutch
girl's name: Amanda
party game: Eucher

have you ever
been on a train: Yes
been on a plane: Yes
been in a car accident: Not of my own causing (someone rear ended my family's car on Easter one year)
caused a car accident: No
run into a wall: Yes
burned a potato chip: With a lighter or match or something? Never.
almost burned the house down: No
smoked: Nope
been drunk: Yes, twice
broken the law: Hasn't everyone?
burned a cd: I'm not telling. But I would like to say fuck the RIAA.
kissed someone of the opposite sex: No (I'm lame, I know)
kissed someone of the same sex: I'm not gay, but I'll learn
made out: Never
had cyber sex: Yeah, in my younger days (which means yesterday)
gotten engaged: Not planning on it
had an online relationship: Nope
been rejected by a crush: No
loved: Yes
made yourself cry to get out of trouble: No, that's a chick thing
cried in public: Yeah
cried over a movie: Yeah, when I watched Bambi for the first time (In my defense, I was like four)
fallen asleep in a movie theater; Yeah, last time I remember is when I went to go see one of Shaq's movies (Blue Chips in 1994)
given someone a bath: No
been to a boarding school: Surf boarding school?
been home-schooled: No
lost a valuable item: I don't have many valuable items
bungee jumped: Nope, probably never gonna happen
skied: No
met the president: No, but if I did, you can bet your ass that I'd have a few choice words for that mother fucker
met a celebrity: No
gotten a cavity: I have a lot because I used to drink a lot of pop (Lay off the pop kids, it's not good for your teeth)
shopped at abercrombie & fitch: No, I'm not a lemming
made a prank call: Yeah, prank calls are great
skipped school: No
faked sick to get out of school: Never
climbed a tree: Yeah
fallen from a tree: Nope
broken a bone: My arm when I was nine
sprained anything: Not that I know of
passed out: No
made yourself pass out: How in the hell can you make yourself pass out?
been to disney world: Yes
been to a theme park (not disney): Yeah (Cedar Point and Six Flags counts, right?)
said i love you and meant it (not to a relative): No
made a model volcano (working model): Yeah, in the six grade
made a clover leaf with your tounge: I can't do it

past
what did you do yesterday: Worked
memory you miss the most: High school, it was such a simple time, even though I didn't particulary enjoy it
memory you want to forget: All my embrassing moments, those would be great to forget
something you regretted after it was done: Nothing is coming to mind, but I'm starting to regret filling out this lame ass survey though

the last
song you heard: Back in the USSR by the Beatles
cd you bought: I don't buy CDs. We went over this.
thing you said: No
time you cried: I can't remember
movie seen in a theater: Kicking and Screaming with my good friend E-Wizzle
thing you ate: Pizza and Three Cheese Bread from Hungry Howie's
person who called: I don't make phone calls (I can't remember the last one I made, that's how often I talk on the phone)
nail polish shade worn: I'M NOT A GIRL/FREAK YOU FUCK TARDS
time you showered: Today at 5:10 AM because I had to go to work
person who complimented you: I haven't received any compliments today. Thanks everyone.

at this moment
what are you listening to: The Beatles
what are you wearing: Blue jean shorts, an orange shirt, and socks (I'm a P I M P)
what are you thinking: Nothing at the moment, just filling out this survey
what are you scared of most: Life
how many people are on your buddy list: 62

future
occupation: No ideal
marriage site: I got nothing planned (Whatever the chick wants)
honeymoon: See above
place to live: Michigan is nice, but I'd love to move somewhere warmer in the winter
kids: Maybe two
car: I don't car, whatever gets me from point A to point B
what are you doing tomorrow: No plans
do you think george bush will be reelected: Too late
will there be a wwIII: I sure hope not
will politics ever be truthful: Yes, I strangely think so someday
will humanity snuff itself out: No, I think that science will prevent that
can the gov. be changed: Of course, the problem is people are too busy watching American Idol to give a flying rats ass, so there ya go

friends
best friend; Donnie
funniest: N/A
silliest: N/A
loudest: N/A
quietest: N/A
craziest: N/A
calmest: N/A
skinniest: N/A
best secret keeper: N/A
worst secret keeper: N/A
smartest: N/A
preppiest: N/A
peppiest: N/A
most hyper: N/A
hottest: N/A
weirdest: N/A
biggest pervert: N/A
shyest: N/A
most religious: N/A
(Sorry, I guess I don't know my friends well enough to answer these questions)


do you believe in
heaven: No
hell: No
angels: No
devil: No
god: No
buddha: No
aliens: Yes, but not the variety the human mind has cooked up (There is other lifeforms out there though)
ghosts: No (I KILLED THEM ALL WITH SALT! SALT OF THE EARTH BABY)
spirit (soul): No
soulmates: No
reincarnation: No
love at first sight: Or should I walk by again? (That's what she said)
karma: No, I think that the human mind puts two completely unrelated occurrences together and forms a conclusion that something supernatural happened (ghosts, god, aliens, karma, etc.). In reality, at least my reality, I've never seen anything to make me believe in karma.
love in general: Yes
luck: Sort of. It isn't so much luck as it is simple mathematical probability. I guess you can call that luck though. I don't believe that certain people are lucky and certain people are not though. I do use the term luck, however.
yourself: Not especially

crush
who and when was your first crush: In first grade. A girl named Amanda (I've been scarred for life)
any now: Possibly
a celebrity crush: Jessica Simpson is hot (I'd hit it)
who do you want to be with right now: I'm fine with being with myself right now
whos number do you want: I don't use phones (See above)
who do you want to kiss: I guess I'll use this space to say that I hate the term crush and the term crushing (It's so high-school-esque)
what is something you dont understand about the opposite sex: I don't understand why girls do things that do nothing to make them more attractive. A girl is attactive whether or not she has a tan, has a nose piercing, has a tattoo, etc. None of those things raise your number. At least in my mind. Here's what I'm saying. No amount of a tan, no amount of piercings/tattooes in any location, makes an ugly girl hot. A hot girl is jus that. A hot girl.
if you could go on a date with anybody, who would it be: No ideal
on scale of one to ten, how romantic are you: Zero
first thing noticed about the opposite sex: Tits and ass (It's the first thing I notice, call me shallow)
what do you look for personality-wise: A good sense of humor is the main thing
something they wear that turns you off: A burka
the most romantic thing you want to happen to you: Oral sex
the most romantic thing that has happened to you: Not oral sex
what do you wear on a coffee date: I haven't dated any coffee recently. I do, however, like my women like I like my coffee. Ground up and in the freezer.
is it right to flirt if you're taken: I think so. A lot of guys have a problem with it. I don't, as long as you aren't giving the guy head while flirting.
is cyber cheating: No, but it's still lame
are eyes the passegeway to the soul: I don't believe in the soul (Nice try with the trick questions asshole)
who would you like to take to the prom: I didn't go (I'm a real winner, lol)
do you want to hug somebody right now: No, but I feel like punching the clown
do you know what an aphrodisiac is: Yes, my lower horn is an aphrodsiac

describe
mellow: Marsh
melancholy: Depressed
the perfect date: Dinner and a movie, with oral sex performed somewhere before, during, or after dinner
the perfect mate: A girl with a good sense of humor, a nice rack/ass, and someone who likes me for me

one or the other
coke/pepsi: I don't care, but if I had to pick one, I'd say coke
sprite/7-up: Neither
boxers/briefs: Boxers
gold/silver: Gold
vanilla/chocolate: Vanilla
flowers/candy: Candy
book/magazine: Book
tv/radio: Radio
glass half empty/half full: Half full
democrat/republican: Neither. You mine as well ask me if I'd prefer to lose my left nut or right nut. I'd like to lose both. Wait a minute.... (Sorry for the bad joke)
colored pencils/markers: Colored pencils (I like colored things)
coffee/tea: Tea bag
sun/moon: Sun
day/night: Night
hot/cold: Hot
dog/cat: Dog
button/zipper: Zipper
cotton/feather pillow: Cotton
blue/purple: Blue
plumber/trashman: I belive the correct term is sanitation engineer
jeans/shorts: Shorts
long distance relationship/none: Can you have oral in a long distance relationship?
mechanical/regular pencil: Mechanical
matt/ben: Ben is so dreamy!
that 70's show/simpsons: Tough choice. The Simpsons.
kelso/eric: Kelso
donna/jackie: Jackie
bart/lisa: Bart
romeo/juliet: Juliet
romantic comedy/thriller: Comedy (not romantic)
nsync/bsb: LAME
peanut butter/jelly: Why do I have to choose between the two? They go so well together.
waffles/pancakes: Pancakes
letter/email: G-mail
florida/california: California
pizza/burgers: Pizza
hat/visor : Hat
football/rugby: Football
iceskating/blading: Both are fun. I prefer blading though.
movie at home/in theater: Home

first thing you think of when you hear
yellow: Sun
red lipstick: Oral
socks: Feet
cowtipping: Tommy Boy
moulin rouge: You know I don't speak spanish
greenland: Iceland
iceland: Greenland
harry potter: And the chamber of secrets
red: Wings
blackberry: Poisonberry
rose: A rose by any other name would smell as sweet
rooster: Cockle-cockle Doo (Or, as the gay rooster says, Any Cock'll Do)
taxes: The man
bill clinton: Monica
whipped cream: Hair cream
george w. bush: Not my President
lollipops: Candy shop
dreams: Failed memories
love: Hate
guys: HEY YOU GUYS
south park: One of the greatest cartoons of all-time
boy bands: The word homosexual comes to mind
pengiuns: Penguins don't have knee caps
girls: Tits
thong: Ass
death: Sucks
spoons: There is no spoon
junk mail: Chain letters
dairy: Cow
panties: Nice
your father: He's going to Georgia tomorrow
pizza: Pizza ass
britney spears: Classless
vitamin: B

are you
happy: Sometimes
sad: Sometimes
religious: Nope
bitchy: Never
crazy: I'm not crazy, I'm just thirsty
messy: No
mad: Sometimes
slacker: No
nerd: Yeah, I suspect so
bookworm: I would love to be more of a bookworm
jock: No
preppy: No
selfish: Not usually
giving: I try to be
obsessive: Yeah
violent: Not usually
calm: Most of the time
peaceful: Usually
mellow: Sometimes
eccentric: Yes
caring: Most of the time
untrustworthy: Very trustworthy
loyal: Not particularly
patriotic: I don't hate my country, but I wouldn't say I'm overally patriotic
perverted: Of course
colorful: I'm white
artistic: Not really

miscellanoues
what color is your jacket: I have Lions jacket
what color is your razor: Blue
what size is your bed: Futon
what color crayon would you be: Yellow (that way I'd be one of the brighest crayons in the box)
what are the last four digits of you phone number: 2844
feelings on abortion: People need to take responsibility for their actions. However, this isn't a country where people do that. So I am pro choice or anti-life, whatever you want to call it. If I got a girl pregnant, I would not make her get an abortion. In fact, I would beg for her to have the baby. It's not the baby's fault that we were irresponsible and weren't ready for a kid. I am big on people accepting responsibility for their actions. I am willing to accept resonsibility for my own actions, but I also understand that most people have a problem with that. And that's fine. It's your life. I'll lead my life how I want to. You go ahead and lead yours the way you want. And that's that.
how lond does it take you to shower: 20-30 minutes
what does your screenname mean: It's Jedi Snood Master because I am a Jedi Master at Snood
who so you trust the most: I trust no one
is cussing a necessity in life: Yes and no. It has it's place, but it shouldn't be every other word.
how about coffee: I'm not a fan
is the world screwed: In many ways, yes
what something you cant live without: KY
what time did you fall asleep: Last night at midnight
know what 69 means: It's a sexual position
how about 143: No ideal
can you live without a microwave: I'm sure I could
what do think about death: I'm not looking forward to it
where and when do you want to be married: No clue
do you want to drop out of school: No
why is the sky blue: It has something to do with the Earth's atmosphere and light waves (http://www.sciencemadesimple.com/sky_blue.html)
what is a good trait about yourself: I like my sense of humor (most people don't though, so I don't know if that's good or not)
what do you always think about: Why people act the way they do
what is wrong with your school: It's a junior college
what is right with your school: I enjoy the classes, even though they are doing nothing for my career
how do you react to change: I fear change
do you talk to yourself: Not really. I talk to myself inside my head though.
what is your opinion on love: All you need is love. Love is all you need.
what color would you dye your hair: Lame
best thing anyones told you: No ideal
what is your reaction to someone telling you you're hot: Hasn't happened
does being psycho appeal to you: Does said psycho girl give oral?
if you wrote a book, what would it be about: I have an idea for a children's book entitled "The Magical Phallus" (Details later possibly)
what would you change your name to: Yeah, to Clutch Armstrong
longest crush lasted how long: CRUSH IS TEH LAMEST TERM EVAR
tme finished : 12:18 AM (1 hour and 24 minutes)

Pissing and moaning

I've got a couple things I want to bitch about.

Number one: DVDs. All DVDs should have a full screen side and a wide screen side. There are two sides to every DVD, just like there are two sides to every coin. Imagine if the government only put something on one side of each coin. You would be pissed and you should be equally outraged at the entertainment companies here. I want the god damn home entertainment companies to start utilizing both sides of each and every DVD from now on. I'm tired of buying wide screen only or full screen only DVDs. I want both. I don't need an identifying sticker on the other side of a DVD. I want to have the option of full screen or wide screen. And I'm sure I'm not the only one.

Number two: fireworks. Now, is it just me, or I am the only one who thinks that they should be reserved for the Fourth of July only? Not the Third of July. Not the Fifth of July. Not June 27th. Not July 11th. The Fourth of July. The day America actually declared its independence. Here's the deal. If you want to go to some desolate place where there are no people for miles, and then light off fireworks, more power to you. But to all you assholes out there that just have to light off loud ass fireworks near my house, at midnight, a week after the Fourth of July, on a night that I have to go to work the next morning, preventing me from getting to sleep on time, and in the process taking a couple days off my life, I would just like to say fuck you. Holy run-on sentence Batman. I just committed a sentence structure faux pas, but it had to be done. For the love of Christ, it had to be done.

Number three: cellphones. I cannot stand people using cellphones in public places. If you go into a public place, get the hell off of your cellphone. Unless it's an absolute emergency, get off your cellphone. I'm sure that whatever is going on in your little cellphone conversing world is not that important. Here's the deal people. Cellphones were originally intended to be used for emergencies only. However, like most things, they are rarely used for their original purpose. As it stands, a cellphone is nothing more than a cordless phone with unlimated range. I swear to Allah, if another person walks into 7-11 on their cellphone, I'm going to go on a killing spree. I absolutely cannot stand cellphone use in public places. Have some common courtesy people. If you want to use it in your car, that's fine. But you better not be driving. That's a whole different rant though and I'll spare you of that this time. In closing, get off your god damn cellphones when entering a public place. I don't want to see them in convenience stores especially. In other public places, I can at least tolerate them. Here's how you'll know if you should get off your cellphone in a public place: If the public place isn't big enough for you to be on one end of the place without everybody hearing you, shut the damn thing off and continue the conversation elsewhere. You should really get off your cellphone in any public place, but that is the bare minimum amount of courtesy you should show people. Thank you.

I'm done complaining. I just have a few interesting facts to leave you with before I go:

• The human male is the only primate without a bone in his penis.



• 7-11 sells douche bags.



• I hate my job.



• Veni, vidi, vici means I came, I saw, I conquered in Latin.

Well, that's all I have for you tonight. Good night everyone.

Achilles Last Stand

Well, being since I haven't updated in a while...I think an update is in order.

I worked today, and while I was at work, a thought popped into my mind. This is going to sound a little morbid, but bare with me here. I was trying to think of some good songs to play at my funeral. Well, I'm not looking forward to my death or anything. It was just a thought. I guess I should rephrase. I was trying to think of some good songs to play at one's funeral.

This is what I came up with:

• Man in the Box by Alice in Chains


• Down in a Hole by Alice in Chains


• Don't Fear the Reaper by Blue Oyster Clut


• Stairway to Heaven by Led Zeppelin


• Another One Bites the Dust by Queen

That's what I came up with, off the top of my head. Anyone else have any other good songs to play at one's funeral. Like I said, I'm not looking forward to dying. This isn't a cry for help or anything. It is just one of those things you think about at work when you have nothing else to do.

While I'm on the subject of songs, I mine as well throw this out there. Just the other day, I was trying to think of some good songs that feature the cowbell. This video, along with the SNL skit, got me thinking about it. Just a little side note here. Please do yourself a favor and make sure you check out that link. Seriously, it is well worth the four minutes. It will make you giggle like a school girl. Anways, without further delay....

Songs that feature the cowbell:

• Don't Fear the Reaper by Blue Oyster Clut


• Everybody's Working for the Weekend by Loverboy


• Mississippi Queen by Mountain


• Low Rider by War

Again, I'm looking for your help here. If you can name any song that has the cowbell, I would greatly appericate it. I GOT A FEVER...AND THE ONLY PRESCRIPTION IS MORE COWBELL! I GOTTA HAVE MORE COWBELL, BABY!

Enough about music. I've got one point to make and then I'm done.

Camouflaged wallets. One of the dumbest ideas in the history of mankind. Why would anyone want a camouflaged wallet? If it wasn't hard enough finding a lost wallet, you make it even more difficult by having a camouflaged wallet. By owning a camouflaged wallet, you are only making it ten times harder to find if you lose it. Whoever came up with the idea deserves a swift kick in the nuts. And to all you idiots out there with camouflaged wallets, go ahead and get yourself a new wallet. You will only be making it easier on yourself. Oh, and you're welcome.

Well, I wanted to type more, but I've run out of time. Good night.

So put your hands down my pants...

and I'll bet you'll feel nuts.

I don't know many things in life, but I do know one thing. I absolutely hate my job. I know, I know. Just about everyone hates their job. But seriously. I really hate my job. What do I hate most about it? Well, let me tell you.

I could take the easy way out and just say the customers. But like I said, that is taking the easy way out. There are various kinds of customers, some good, some bad. The good ones, obviously, don't piss me off at all. The bad ones, however, more than make up for it. Let me give you a few examples of the bad.

Customers that say, when you are working on a holiday, "It sucks that you have to work on [insert holiday here]." I've went over this before. Again, do people just not think? Do people just not care? Yes, I reailze that it sucks working on holidays. Thanks for bringing it up, jackass. I also realize that some people are just trying to make conversation when they say this, and that is fine. But after about four or five people say it to you, you get a little sick of it. Please people, for the love of God, or Allah, or whatever you beileve in. Do not, under no circumstances, say this to anyone working during a holiday. My blood pressure thanks you for it.

Customers that say stupid things, in general. I had one customer say, "Man, those Bud eight packs are the greatest invention ever." I was dumbfounded when he said this to me. Completely floored. I mean, really? Bud eight packs. Greatest thing ever invented? Not the light bulb? Or maybe the printing press? How about steam engine? Nope, Bud eight packs. Greatest invention ever. I didn't know what to say to the guy. Bud eight packs. Greatest thing ever invented. That's all I could think of the rest of the day. It was, quite possibly, the dumbest comment anyone ever made to me in my life. Dwell on that quote for another second. Bud eight packs. Greatest invention ever. Okay, not too long. You might injure your brain.

Customers that buy scratch lottery tickets/play the lotto. I want to start of by saying that playing the lottery is the biggest waste of money in the world. Well, maybe not the biggest. The war in Iraq is the biggest, but that is neither here nor there. In any event, the lottery, and gambling in general, is a huge waste of your money. And people continue to play it. And the regulars that come in and play every day, all they do is complain. Listen, people. I want to make this quite clear. It isn't my fault that I sold you a loser. It is your fault for buying it in the first place. Don't come back the next day and say, "You sold me a loser the other day." Technically, I did. But again, it's not like I know I'm selling you a loser. So it isn't my fault. So please, just shut your effing mouth.

Another thing that bothers me regarding people playing the lottery (but not nearly as much), is when people say, "Sell me the winning ticket." People say this to me especially when the Mega Millions gets up to 100+ million. Again, listen people. If I could sell anyone the winning ticket, it would be me. But I don't play the lottery. If I did though, you better bet your sorry ass that the winning ticket would go to me. Not you. Not your grandma. Not your spouse. Me. If I had any way of selling anyone the winning ticket, it would go to me. I can't reiterate that enough. If I had some magical way of setting someone up with the jackpot ticket, I would sell it to myself. Then, after I collect my winnings, I would buy the 7-11 I'm currently working at. Set it on fire and then piss on the ashes. Demolish whatever is left and pave over it. And then, when all is said and done, I would sell the lot to Speedway. That would be the start of my quest to rid the whole world of 7-11. It's a dirty job, but someone has got to do it.

Okay, moving on. Customers that bring in bottle returns. This is something that really ruffles my feathers. And I don't even have feathers. If you are reading this, you may or may not be familiar with bringing back bottle returns. Most states do not have a bottle return policy. Well, Michigan does. When you purchase various liquids in glass bottles, plastic bottles, and aluminum cans, you pay a 10 cents deposite per bottle/can. In order to get your 10 cents back, you must return said bottle/can. Now, that would be all well and good, if it wasn't for the next thing I'm about to say. People bring in returns that are absolutely disgusting. Returns that are just dirty. It makes me cringe just thinking about it. If you've ever had to accept bottle returns back, you know what I'm talking about. It is hard to describe what exactly makes these returns dirty. I suspect that it is mostly salvia, but I'm sure there are other things floating around in those returns. And whatever is in those returns inevitably gets onto the outside of the bottles/cans. So please people. I beg of you. Please, please, please wash your bottles/cans before you return them.

Before I wrap this up, I have two final things to say about bottle returns. Number one, I want to know where I have to sign so that I no longer have to pay a deposit on my returns. I will promise not to litter, and I will even promise to recycle the bottles/cans. I just want to know where I have to sign, or whose dick I have to suck, in order to avoid the hassle of paying for bottle deposits and returning the bottles. There has got to be a way for the citizens of this state to opt out of the bottle deposit program. Like I said, I would be willing to sign a statement that says, "If we find you littering your bottles/cans, your fine is triple," or whatever punishment they see fit. There has got to be a way. Whenever I bring this idea up to people though, it doesn't have much of a following. I usually get the idiotic response of, "But you'll be losing 10 cents!" to which I hit myself over the head with a tack hammer. I don't know what it is with people, or if it's just me, but I like to think that I make myself fairly clear when I speak of my ideas. With my idea in place, YOU DO NOT PAY THE 10 CENTS DEPOSIT. Therefore, YOU DO NOT LOSE 10 CENTS. The trade-off is, of course, you cannot litter the bottles/cans, or else you have to pay the penalty.

Okay, I said I wanted to say two final things about bottle returns and here is number two. Michigan bums have got to be the richest bums in America. Nowhere else in this country, as far as I know, can you get 10 cents per bottle return. What point am I trying to make here? The current 10 cents per bottle return policy attracts bums to Michigan. Now, I haven't seen the latest bum migration charts for this year yet, so take this for what it's worth. I'm willing to go out on a limb and say that bums flock to Michigan once they catch wind of the bottle return policy. When asked what their reason was for moving to Michigan, I'm sure most bums would say, "The bottle return policy." I realize that there is no way of tracking this, and I also realize that I'm being a bit insensitive here, so I will stop now. You have to admit though, I have a point.

Well, that's all the time I have tonight. It's a quarter after midnight and I have to wake up at 6 in the morning to go back to work. Until next time, this is Ken Schweigel saying, "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful, hate me because I just rocked you like a hurricane." I know, I know. Not the best closing statement in the world. However, it is something that I can sort of call me own. Good night, everyone.

WTF?

Okay. I need to get something off my chest before my head fucking explodes. Has anyone out there seen the "terrorist attack plan" commercials? If you haven't, the commercials encourage parents to talk to their children about what to do in case of a terrorist attack. Now, is it just me, or is this not a complete waste of taxpayer dollars? A terrorist attack plan? I don't even have a fucking plan for what to do in case of a fire, which, by the way, is a million times more likely to occur than a terrorist attack on or near my house! ARE THE POWERS THAT BE IN THIS COUNTRY INSANE? A terrorist attack plan? Really? You idiots are actually encouraging people, better yet, scaring people, into thinking a terrorist attack could happen to anyone, anywhere, at any time? And everybody is okay with this? What a colossal waste, but hey, I've come to expect that from my government. And people say that liberals are paranoid. What do these ads say about conservatives? Isn't that also paranoia? It's a rhetorical question. You don't have to actually answer it. Feel free though, if you like. Here's the site, if you want to check it out.

Okay, now that I'm done with that rant, I have another. If you didn't already know, I'm an atheist. It isn't really fair for me to say that there isn't a god, but it also isn't fair for theists to say that there is. In my mind, it is impossible to know, but deep down, I truly do not think there is a god. I guess you could say I'm agnostic, or a mix between the two. In any event, I've declared my major and it's atheism. Now, the purpose of this introduction is to point out the hypocrisy of people. But as I've demonstrated, I'm a hypocrite. You're a hypocrite. Just about everyone is hypocritical in some regard. I'm probably not making much sense right now, but stick with me.

In my opinion, religious people tend to be more hypocritical than atheists. Look no further than the biblical principle of judge not. You are told not to judge, but there is just one problem with that. Everyone judges. It is what humans do. We judge situations, we judge people, we judge everything. Is it so wrong to judge? I think the answer to that question, in most cases, is no. A religious person, more often than not, will disagree. But in reality, religious people are also very judgmental. And there is nothing wrong with that. I'm just saying, if you believe it is "wrong" to judge, then don't judge. If you believe it is "wrong" to have an abortion, then don't have an abortion. If you believe it is "wrong" to be gay, then don't be gay. Go ahead and let "God" sort out the sinners. You don't worry about them and just live your life as best you can.

Imagine the kind of world we'd live in if religious people just stuck to their guns. If they just stuck to their beliefs. There would be virtually no murder, stealing, or adultery. People would be more generous, there wouldn't be as many poor people, and there wouldn't be any wars going on throughout the world. Oh, and by the way, what do most wars center around? Religion. Take the current "war" on terrorism, for example.

Here is another problem I have with the Christian religion. Most Christians, and I'm not sure if this is true with other religions, believe that people are inheritantly evil. Well, let me tell you, I didn't sign up for that. I do not think that people are inhertitantly evil, not in the slightest. People are not born evil, they become evil. Generally speaking, people are modified by their environment. If you come from a loving, caring home, you will most likely become a loving caring person. There are exceptions, of course. If you come from a broken home, a home with little to no love, you will not become a loving caring person.

In addition to that, if you are told, at a very young age, that you will be greeted by 1,000 virgins in heaven if you die while committing a terrorist act, you will believe that. And it has nothing to do with people being inheritantly evil. It is basic human behavior. If you are told something over and over again as a child, you usually carrying that belief with you into adulthood. If you are molested, sexually abused, physically abused, verbally abused, etc. as a child, you usually carry that behavior with you into adulthood. In other words, you think that it is okay to do said act to someone else. And that, in my opinion, is how humans work.

In closing, I just have one final thing to say. Do not push your beliefs onto other people. You may be saying, "but that is what you're doing right now." That isn't what I'm trying to do though. I want to make this quite clear. I want you to believe whatever you want to believe. It's up to you to decide what you believe and what you don't believe. All I want you to do is consider other viewpoints. Even if you don't agree with them, consider other viewpoints. It is tough sometimes, but it makes you a better person.

Well, that's all I have to say tonight. You stay classy, San Diego.

And the Pistons...lose

What can I say. The Spurs made shoots when they needed to. The Pistons didn't. That's all it came down to. A lot of people will blame the refs. Again, the Spurs came up big in the clutch, the Pistons didn't. It's as simple as that. I'm a little disappointed, but all in all, it was a great season for the Pistons. Any season you can make it to the finals represents a great year for your franchise. It would have been nice to win it, but it just didn't happen for the Pistons tonight. I really can't say much more than that.

Again, I'm sorry for the lack of updates. Not that anyone reads this and not that anyone really cares. I have no excuses, really. I work five days a week, but have two days off. I have a lot of spare time between my two days off and the few hours I have before I go to work. There is no reason I shouldn't update at least once a week, but I just don't.

Like I said though, no one reads this, so it doesn't really matter to any of you. This blog is basically just therapy for me. It's a place to put my thoughts. It's a place for me to complain. It's a place for me to work on my comedic rountine, which, I must say, is less than spectacular. That's a nice way of saying it sucks.

Like I was saying though, this blog is really just a form of therapy for me. I usually feel good after I post, so I have no clue why I don't post more often. Even if I don't make anyone laugh with my low brow humor, and even though my life is about as exciting as a NASCAR race (see below), I still enjoy posting. With that in mind, I promise, from now on, to post at least once a week. This isn't a promise to anyone of you. It is a promise to me. I'm drawing a line in the sand right now. Not that any of you care that I'm now posting at least once a week. I'm just saying.

As if this post wasn't long enough already, I'm about to go off on one of my trademark rants. It's something I've been wanting to rant on for quite some time. This something is a little "sport" I like to call NASCAR. Well, I'm not the only one that likes to call it NASCAR. Everyone does. I like to call it, among other things, the most idiotic so-called "sport" on the face of the Earth. How anyone, and I mean ANYONE, can find this shit entertaining is beyond me. I would rather watch panit dry. I would rather watch Ophra. I would rather watch gay porn. Well...I wouldn't go that far. I can't stand Ophra.

What gets me most about NASCAR is the fact that people, including the drivers, call it a sport. Newsflash everyone. NASCAR is not a god damn sport. I cannot stress this enough. Driving a racecar does not require you to be physically fit, in shape, or anything ilke that. The only quality you need to have as a NASCAR driver is a southern accent. Throw in a jug of moonshine, and the ability to turn left, and you have yourself a NASCAR driver. It just sickens me when people refer to NASCAR as a sport. I mean, think of all the NASCAR drivers that can run a 4.2 40 yard dash! Think of all the NASCAR drivers with a 36 inch vertical leap. Think of all the NASCAR drivers with a history of sex with their sister! Now we're getting somewhere!

Now, to me, NASCAR has never appealed to me. Maybe if I hit myself over the head with a frying pan, and lowered my IQ in the process, it would appeal to me. But that would be the only scenario in which NASCAR would appeal to me. You want proof that this country is going down the crapper? Word on the street is that NASCAR is the fastest growing "sport" in America. Enough said. And why is that the case? Why does NASCAR have such mass appeal? I would love for someone to enlighten me beacuse I just don't get it.

I will admit, it takes great skill to drive at 200+ MPH. That is all well and good. But to watch a bunch of fast moving cars driving around in a big circle? Really? That is what you call entertainment? That is what gets your blood flowing? I will also admit that I'm not much of a car guy. I don't get into working on cars, or looking at cars, or anything like that. The only thing I require a car of mine to do is get me from point A to point B. Call me practical, call me a girly man, call me what you will. I just don't understand the appeal of NASCAR. Someone, please, please, please, explain it to me. I'm not sure if NASCAR fans know how to use the Internet, but I'm betting that at least one does.

Well, that's all I have for you tonight. I need to come up with a closing statement that is all my own. Until I do, I will stick with what has got me here. You stay classy, San Diego.