and I'll bet you'll feel nuts.
I don't know many things in life, but I do know one thing. I absolutely hate my job. I know, I know. Just about everyone hates their job. But seriously. I really hate my job. What do I hate most about it? Well, let me tell you.
I could take the easy way out and just say the customers. But like I said, that is taking the easy way out. There are various kinds of customers, some good, some bad. The good ones, obviously, don't piss me off at all. The bad ones, however, more than make up for it. Let me give you a few examples of the bad.
Customers that say, when you are working on a holiday, "It sucks that you have to work on [insert holiday here]." I've went over this before. Again, do people just not think? Do people just not care? Yes, I reailze that it sucks working on holidays. Thanks for bringing it up, jackass. I also realize that some people are just trying to make conversation when they say this, and that is fine. But after about four or five people say it to you, you get a little sick of it. Please people, for the love of God, or Allah, or whatever you beileve in. Do not, under no circumstances, say this to anyone working during a holiday. My blood pressure thanks you for it.
Customers that say stupid things, in general. I had one customer say, "Man, those Bud eight packs are the greatest invention ever." I was dumbfounded when he said this to me. Completely floored. I mean, really? Bud eight packs. Greatest thing ever invented? Not the light bulb? Or maybe the printing press? How about steam engine? Nope, Bud eight packs. Greatest invention ever. I didn't know what to say to the guy. Bud eight packs. Greatest thing ever invented. That's all I could think of the rest of the day. It was, quite possibly, the dumbest comment anyone ever made to me in my life. Dwell on that quote for another second. Bud eight packs. Greatest invention ever. Okay, not too long. You might injure your brain.
Customers that buy scratch lottery tickets/play the lotto. I want to start of by saying that playing the lottery is the biggest waste of money in the world. Well, maybe not the biggest. The war in Iraq is the biggest, but that is neither here nor there. In any event, the lottery, and gambling in general, is a huge waste of your money. And people continue to play it. And the regulars that come in and play every day, all they do is complain. Listen, people. I want to make this quite clear. It isn't my fault that I sold you a loser. It is your fault for buying it in the first place. Don't come back the next day and say, "You sold me a loser the other day." Technically, I did. But again, it's not like I know I'm selling you a loser. So it isn't my fault. So please, just shut your effing mouth.
Another thing that bothers me regarding people playing the lottery (but not nearly as much), is when people say, "Sell me the winning ticket." People say this to me especially when the Mega Millions gets up to 100+ million. Again, listen people. If I could sell anyone the winning ticket, it would be me. But I don't play the lottery. If I did though, you better bet your sorry ass that the winning ticket would go to me. Not you. Not your grandma. Not your spouse. Me. If I had any way of selling anyone the winning ticket, it would go to me. I can't reiterate that enough. If I had some magical way of setting someone up with the jackpot ticket, I would sell it to myself. Then, after I collect my winnings, I would buy the 7-11 I'm currently working at. Set it on fire and then piss on the ashes. Demolish whatever is left and pave over it. And then, when all is said and done, I would sell the lot to Speedway. That would be the start of my quest to rid the whole world of 7-11. It's a dirty job, but someone has got to do it.
Okay, moving on. Customers that bring in bottle returns. This is something that really ruffles my feathers. And I don't even have feathers. If you are reading this, you may or may not be familiar with bringing back bottle returns. Most states do not have a bottle return policy. Well, Michigan does. When you purchase various liquids in glass bottles, plastic bottles, and aluminum cans, you pay a 10 cents deposite per bottle/can. In order to get your 10 cents back, you must return said bottle/can. Now, that would be all well and good, if it wasn't for the next thing I'm about to say. People bring in returns that are absolutely disgusting. Returns that are just dirty. It makes me cringe just thinking about it. If you've ever had to accept bottle returns back, you know what I'm talking about. It is hard to describe what exactly makes these returns dirty. I suspect that it is mostly salvia, but I'm sure there are other things floating around in those returns. And whatever is in those returns inevitably gets onto the outside of the bottles/cans. So please people. I beg of you. Please, please, please wash your bottles/cans before you return them.
Before I wrap this up, I have two final things to say about bottle returns. Number one, I want to know where I have to sign so that I no longer have to pay a deposit on my returns. I will promise not to litter, and I will even promise to recycle the bottles/cans. I just want to know where I have to sign, or whose dick I have to suck, in order to avoid the hassle of paying for bottle deposits and returning the bottles. There has got to be a way for the citizens of this state to opt out of the bottle deposit program. Like I said, I would be willing to sign a statement that says, "If we find you littering your bottles/cans, your fine is triple," or whatever punishment they see fit. There has got to be a way. Whenever I bring this idea up to people though, it doesn't have much of a following. I usually get the idiotic response of, "But you'll be losing 10 cents!" to which I hit myself over the head with a tack hammer. I don't know what it is with people, or if it's just me, but I like to think that I make myself fairly clear when I speak of my ideas. With my idea in place, YOU DO NOT PAY THE 10 CENTS DEPOSIT. Therefore, YOU DO NOT LOSE 10 CENTS. The trade-off is, of course, you cannot litter the bottles/cans, or else you have to pay the penalty.
Okay, I said I wanted to say two final things about bottle returns and here is number two. Michigan bums have got to be the richest bums in America. Nowhere else in this country, as far as I know, can you get 10 cents per bottle return. What point am I trying to make here? The current 10 cents per bottle return policy attracts bums to Michigan. Now, I haven't seen the latest bum migration charts for this year yet, so take this for what it's worth. I'm willing to go out on a limb and say that bums flock to Michigan once they catch wind of the bottle return policy. When asked what their reason was for moving to Michigan, I'm sure most bums would say, "The bottle return policy." I realize that there is no way of tracking this, and I also realize that I'm being a bit insensitive here, so I will stop now. You have to admit though, I have a point.
Well, that's all the time I have tonight. It's a quarter after midnight and I have to wake up at 6 in the morning to go back to work. Until next time, this is Ken Schweigel saying, "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful, hate me because I just rocked you like a hurricane." I know, I know. Not the best closing statement in the world. However, it is something that I can sort of call me own. Good night, everyone.
Thursday, June 30, 2005
Sunday, June 26, 2005
WTF?
Okay. I need to get something off my chest before my head fucking explodes. Has anyone out there seen the "terrorist attack plan" commercials? If you haven't, the commercials encourage parents to talk to their children about what to do in case of a terrorist attack. Now, is it just me, or is this not a complete waste of taxpayer dollars? A terrorist attack plan? I don't even have a fucking plan for what to do in case of a fire, which, by the way, is a million times more likely to occur than a terrorist attack on or near my house! ARE THE POWERS THAT BE IN THIS COUNTRY INSANE? A terrorist attack plan? Really? You idiots are actually encouraging people, better yet, scaring people, into thinking a terrorist attack could happen to anyone, anywhere, at any time? And everybody is okay with this? What a colossal waste, but hey, I've come to expect that from my government. And people say that liberals are paranoid. What do these ads say about conservatives? Isn't that also paranoia? It's a rhetorical question. You don't have to actually answer it. Feel free though, if you like. Here's the site, if you want to check it out.
Okay, now that I'm done with that rant, I have another. If you didn't already know, I'm an atheist. It isn't really fair for me to say that there isn't a god, but it also isn't fair for theists to say that there is. In my mind, it is impossible to know, but deep down, I truly do not think there is a god. I guess you could say I'm agnostic, or a mix between the two. In any event, I've declared my major and it's atheism. Now, the purpose of this introduction is to point out the hypocrisy of people. But as I've demonstrated, I'm a hypocrite. You're a hypocrite. Just about everyone is hypocritical in some regard. I'm probably not making much sense right now, but stick with me.
In my opinion, religious people tend to be more hypocritical than atheists. Look no further than the biblical principle of judge not. You are told not to judge, but there is just one problem with that. Everyone judges. It is what humans do. We judge situations, we judge people, we judge everything. Is it so wrong to judge? I think the answer to that question, in most cases, is no. A religious person, more often than not, will disagree. But in reality, religious people are also very judgmental. And there is nothing wrong with that. I'm just saying, if you believe it is "wrong" to judge, then don't judge. If you believe it is "wrong" to have an abortion, then don't have an abortion. If you believe it is "wrong" to be gay, then don't be gay. Go ahead and let "God" sort out the sinners. You don't worry about them and just live your life as best you can.
Imagine the kind of world we'd live in if religious people just stuck to their guns. If they just stuck to their beliefs. There would be virtually no murder, stealing, or adultery. People would be more generous, there wouldn't be as many poor people, and there wouldn't be any wars going on throughout the world. Oh, and by the way, what do most wars center around? Religion. Take the current "war" on terrorism, for example.
Here is another problem I have with the Christian religion. Most Christians, and I'm not sure if this is true with other religions, believe that people are inheritantly evil. Well, let me tell you, I didn't sign up for that. I do not think that people are inhertitantly evil, not in the slightest. People are not born evil, they become evil. Generally speaking, people are modified by their environment. If you come from a loving, caring home, you will most likely become a loving caring person. There are exceptions, of course. If you come from a broken home, a home with little to no love, you will not become a loving caring person.
In addition to that, if you are told, at a very young age, that you will be greeted by 1,000 virgins in heaven if you die while committing a terrorist act, you will believe that. And it has nothing to do with people being inheritantly evil. It is basic human behavior. If you are told something over and over again as a child, you usually carrying that belief with you into adulthood. If you are molested, sexually abused, physically abused, verbally abused, etc. as a child, you usually carry that behavior with you into adulthood. In other words, you think that it is okay to do said act to someone else. And that, in my opinion, is how humans work.
In closing, I just have one final thing to say. Do not push your beliefs onto other people. You may be saying, "but that is what you're doing right now." That isn't what I'm trying to do though. I want to make this quite clear. I want you to believe whatever you want to believe. It's up to you to decide what you believe and what you don't believe. All I want you to do is consider other viewpoints. Even if you don't agree with them, consider other viewpoints. It is tough sometimes, but it makes you a better person.
Well, that's all I have to say tonight. You stay classy, San Diego.
Okay, now that I'm done with that rant, I have another. If you didn't already know, I'm an atheist. It isn't really fair for me to say that there isn't a god, but it also isn't fair for theists to say that there is. In my mind, it is impossible to know, but deep down, I truly do not think there is a god. I guess you could say I'm agnostic, or a mix between the two. In any event, I've declared my major and it's atheism. Now, the purpose of this introduction is to point out the hypocrisy of people. But as I've demonstrated, I'm a hypocrite. You're a hypocrite. Just about everyone is hypocritical in some regard. I'm probably not making much sense right now, but stick with me.
In my opinion, religious people tend to be more hypocritical than atheists. Look no further than the biblical principle of judge not. You are told not to judge, but there is just one problem with that. Everyone judges. It is what humans do. We judge situations, we judge people, we judge everything. Is it so wrong to judge? I think the answer to that question, in most cases, is no. A religious person, more often than not, will disagree. But in reality, religious people are also very judgmental. And there is nothing wrong with that. I'm just saying, if you believe it is "wrong" to judge, then don't judge. If you believe it is "wrong" to have an abortion, then don't have an abortion. If you believe it is "wrong" to be gay, then don't be gay. Go ahead and let "God" sort out the sinners. You don't worry about them and just live your life as best you can.
Imagine the kind of world we'd live in if religious people just stuck to their guns. If they just stuck to their beliefs. There would be virtually no murder, stealing, or adultery. People would be more generous, there wouldn't be as many poor people, and there wouldn't be any wars going on throughout the world. Oh, and by the way, what do most wars center around? Religion. Take the current "war" on terrorism, for example.
Here is another problem I have with the Christian religion. Most Christians, and I'm not sure if this is true with other religions, believe that people are inheritantly evil. Well, let me tell you, I didn't sign up for that. I do not think that people are inhertitantly evil, not in the slightest. People are not born evil, they become evil. Generally speaking, people are modified by their environment. If you come from a loving, caring home, you will most likely become a loving caring person. There are exceptions, of course. If you come from a broken home, a home with little to no love, you will not become a loving caring person.
In addition to that, if you are told, at a very young age, that you will be greeted by 1,000 virgins in heaven if you die while committing a terrorist act, you will believe that. And it has nothing to do with people being inheritantly evil. It is basic human behavior. If you are told something over and over again as a child, you usually carrying that belief with you into adulthood. If you are molested, sexually abused, physically abused, verbally abused, etc. as a child, you usually carry that behavior with you into adulthood. In other words, you think that it is okay to do said act to someone else. And that, in my opinion, is how humans work.
In closing, I just have one final thing to say. Do not push your beliefs onto other people. You may be saying, "but that is what you're doing right now." That isn't what I'm trying to do though. I want to make this quite clear. I want you to believe whatever you want to believe. It's up to you to decide what you believe and what you don't believe. All I want you to do is consider other viewpoints. Even if you don't agree with them, consider other viewpoints. It is tough sometimes, but it makes you a better person.
Well, that's all I have to say tonight. You stay classy, San Diego.
Friday, June 24, 2005
And the Pistons...lose
What can I say. The Spurs made shoots when they needed to. The Pistons didn't. That's all it came down to. A lot of people will blame the refs. Again, the Spurs came up big in the clutch, the Pistons didn't. It's as simple as that. I'm a little disappointed, but all in all, it was a great season for the Pistons. Any season you can make it to the finals represents a great year for your franchise. It would have been nice to win it, but it just didn't happen for the Pistons tonight. I really can't say much more than that.
Again, I'm sorry for the lack of updates. Not that anyone reads this and not that anyone really cares. I have no excuses, really. I work five days a week, but have two days off. I have a lot of spare time between my two days off and the few hours I have before I go to work. There is no reason I shouldn't update at least once a week, but I just don't.
Like I said though, no one reads this, so it doesn't really matter to any of you. This blog is basically just therapy for me. It's a place to put my thoughts. It's a place for me to complain. It's a place for me to work on my comedic rountine, which, I must say, is less than spectacular. That's a nice way of saying it sucks.
Like I was saying though, this blog is really just a form of therapy for me. I usually feel good after I post, so I have no clue why I don't post more often. Even if I don't make anyone laugh with my low brow humor, and even though my life is about as exciting as a NASCAR race (see below), I still enjoy posting. With that in mind, I promise, from now on, to post at least once a week. This isn't a promise to anyone of you. It is a promise to me. I'm drawing a line in the sand right now. Not that any of you care that I'm now posting at least once a week. I'm just saying.
As if this post wasn't long enough already, I'm about to go off on one of my trademark rants. It's something I've been wanting to rant on for quite some time. This something is a little "sport" I like to call NASCAR. Well, I'm not the only one that likes to call it NASCAR. Everyone does. I like to call it, among other things, the most idiotic so-called "sport" on the face of the Earth. How anyone, and I mean ANYONE, can find this shit entertaining is beyond me. I would rather watch panit dry. I would rather watch Ophra. I would rather watch gay porn. Well...I wouldn't go that far. I can't stand Ophra.
What gets me most about NASCAR is the fact that people, including the drivers, call it a sport. Newsflash everyone. NASCAR is not a god damn sport. I cannot stress this enough. Driving a racecar does not require you to be physically fit, in shape, or anything ilke that. The only quality you need to have as a NASCAR driver is a southern accent. Throw in a jug of moonshine, and the ability to turn left, and you have yourself a NASCAR driver. It just sickens me when people refer to NASCAR as a sport. I mean, think of all the NASCAR drivers that can run a 4.2 40 yard dash! Think of all the NASCAR drivers with a 36 inch vertical leap. Think of all the NASCAR drivers with a history of sex with their sister! Now we're getting somewhere!
Now, to me, NASCAR has never appealed to me. Maybe if I hit myself over the head with a frying pan, and lowered my IQ in the process, it would appeal to me. But that would be the only scenario in which NASCAR would appeal to me. You want proof that this country is going down the crapper? Word on the street is that NASCAR is the fastest growing "sport" in America. Enough said. And why is that the case? Why does NASCAR have such mass appeal? I would love for someone to enlighten me beacuse I just don't get it.
I will admit, it takes great skill to drive at 200+ MPH. That is all well and good. But to watch a bunch of fast moving cars driving around in a big circle? Really? That is what you call entertainment? That is what gets your blood flowing? I will also admit that I'm not much of a car guy. I don't get into working on cars, or looking at cars, or anything like that. The only thing I require a car of mine to do is get me from point A to point B. Call me practical, call me a girly man, call me what you will. I just don't understand the appeal of NASCAR. Someone, please, please, please, explain it to me. I'm not sure if NASCAR fans know how to use the Internet, but I'm betting that at least one does.
Well, that's all I have for you tonight. I need to come up with a closing statement that is all my own. Until I do, I will stick with what has got me here. You stay classy, San Diego.
Again, I'm sorry for the lack of updates. Not that anyone reads this and not that anyone really cares. I have no excuses, really. I work five days a week, but have two days off. I have a lot of spare time between my two days off and the few hours I have before I go to work. There is no reason I shouldn't update at least once a week, but I just don't.
Like I said though, no one reads this, so it doesn't really matter to any of you. This blog is basically just therapy for me. It's a place to put my thoughts. It's a place for me to complain. It's a place for me to work on my comedic rountine, which, I must say, is less than spectacular. That's a nice way of saying it sucks.
Like I was saying though, this blog is really just a form of therapy for me. I usually feel good after I post, so I have no clue why I don't post more often. Even if I don't make anyone laugh with my low brow humor, and even though my life is about as exciting as a NASCAR race (see below), I still enjoy posting. With that in mind, I promise, from now on, to post at least once a week. This isn't a promise to anyone of you. It is a promise to me. I'm drawing a line in the sand right now. Not that any of you care that I'm now posting at least once a week. I'm just saying.
As if this post wasn't long enough already, I'm about to go off on one of my trademark rants. It's something I've been wanting to rant on for quite some time. This something is a little "sport" I like to call NASCAR. Well, I'm not the only one that likes to call it NASCAR. Everyone does. I like to call it, among other things, the most idiotic so-called "sport" on the face of the Earth. How anyone, and I mean ANYONE, can find this shit entertaining is beyond me. I would rather watch panit dry. I would rather watch Ophra. I would rather watch gay porn. Well...I wouldn't go that far. I can't stand Ophra.
What gets me most about NASCAR is the fact that people, including the drivers, call it a sport. Newsflash everyone. NASCAR is not a god damn sport. I cannot stress this enough. Driving a racecar does not require you to be physically fit, in shape, or anything ilke that. The only quality you need to have as a NASCAR driver is a southern accent. Throw in a jug of moonshine, and the ability to turn left, and you have yourself a NASCAR driver. It just sickens me when people refer to NASCAR as a sport. I mean, think of all the NASCAR drivers that can run a 4.2 40 yard dash! Think of all the NASCAR drivers with a 36 inch vertical leap. Think of all the NASCAR drivers with a history of sex with their sister! Now we're getting somewhere!
Now, to me, NASCAR has never appealed to me. Maybe if I hit myself over the head with a frying pan, and lowered my IQ in the process, it would appeal to me. But that would be the only scenario in which NASCAR would appeal to me. You want proof that this country is going down the crapper? Word on the street is that NASCAR is the fastest growing "sport" in America. Enough said. And why is that the case? Why does NASCAR have such mass appeal? I would love for someone to enlighten me beacuse I just don't get it.
I will admit, it takes great skill to drive at 200+ MPH. That is all well and good. But to watch a bunch of fast moving cars driving around in a big circle? Really? That is what you call entertainment? That is what gets your blood flowing? I will also admit that I'm not much of a car guy. I don't get into working on cars, or looking at cars, or anything like that. The only thing I require a car of mine to do is get me from point A to point B. Call me practical, call me a girly man, call me what you will. I just don't understand the appeal of NASCAR. Someone, please, please, please, explain it to me. I'm not sure if NASCAR fans know how to use the Internet, but I'm betting that at least one does.
Well, that's all I have for you tonight. I need to come up with a closing statement that is all my own. Until I do, I will stick with what has got me here. You stay classy, San Diego.
Monday, June 06, 2005
A quick update
I've decided to write a quick update. Nothing much to report though. I finished my classes May 14th. I've been working pretty much since then. I had my 21st birthday on May 27th. I had a party the following day. It was fun. Got a buzz going, hung out with some friends, good times. I've gotten a few requests to update, so I promise to update more in the future. That is all...for now.
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