The video I'm going to talk about today isn't in the top ten most viewed YouTube videos of all-time, yet. I have a feeling that one day though, not too far from now, it will be. If you have no idea which video I'm referring to, please click here to view it (and then please come back for some semi-professional analysis).
Now, before I break it down, I have three different theories about what was going on in the video:
- The man was on some serious drugs and was, as the kids say, tripping balls over the double rainbow
- The man has a rainbow fetish and was masturbating to the double rainbow
- The man had a religious experience and saw God in the double rainbow
The video starts off, innocently enough, with a man filming a double rainbow and describing it. From 0:24 to about the 0:49, he appears to be overcome with joy. He says "oh my god" several times and shouts various other exclamations of pleasure. This segment of the video could really be any one of the three theories. But being since I have never heard anyone even approach his reaction to a rainbow, I'm leaning more towards theory #1. I mean, sure, a double rainbow is twice as amazing as a single rainbow, but it's not that amazing. His reaction seems a little out of the ordinary, to put it mildly, so I'm going to have to go with theory #1 here.
At the 0:50 mark, he says "it's starting to even look like a triple rainbow." This is where I really question his mental state and think that he's on drugs. Unless the camera didn't capture it, I did not see a triple rainbow. And since he saw a triple rainbow that wasn't there, we can assume that he was on some type of drugs. Some people look at their hand and ask "have you ever really looked at your hand?" while on drugs. This guy, apparently, looks at "triple" rainbows. Score one more point for the early front-runner, theory #1.
Oh, and at the 0:57 mark, he first utters the words "double rainbow all the way across the sky". These words will forever live in infamy. That will be the man's catchphrase until the day he dies. I wouldn't be surprised if that was the epithet emblazoned on his gravestone. A song was even made centered around those very words (see this video), which further solidifies the phrase, and the video, as a YouTube sensation. Okay, that was just an interesting side note that requires no further analysis. Moving right along.
From 1:00 to 1:18, he appears to be crying. Shortly after the 1:18 mark, he asks "what does this mean?" This is clearly a statement asking someone what something means. And unless he was talking to his dog (who you'll hear later in the video), we can assume that he was addressing his question to God. Oddly enough, God is dog spelled backwards (and vice versa), so maybe they are one and the same? I really don't know, I don't know animals. Anyway, chalk this one up to theory #3.
At 1:20 until about 1:40, he makes several orgasmic noises, while also saying "it's so bright and vivid." You may think he's describing the rainbow with that statement. I, on the other hand, know better. Vivid Entertainment is the largest adult video producer in the world. Don't ask me how I know this, I just do. Suffice it to say that just like you can't sneak a piece of cheese by a rat, you can't sneak a pornographic reference by me. With that in mind, one can conclude that the man has a rainbow fetish and was masturbating to the double rainbow. Theory #2 finally gets some credence to it.
He begins crying again at 1:40 and doesn't let up much until shortly after the 3:00 mark. He says such things as "it's so beautiful" and "oh my god" over and over. He explores the metaphysical nature of it all again by asking "what does it mean?" and implores someone to "tell me what it means." The camera is also shaking a lot during this time period, so we can again come to multiple conclusions (it's hard to keep the camera steady when your other hand is doing some ungodly act, you know). But being since I don't know of anyone, besides myself, who cries while they masturbate, I'm going to have to discount theory #2 and go with theory #3 again.
His dog barks at the 3:04 mark, which could be God's way of telling him to get the fuck a hold of himself and stop crying over a stupid God damn double rainbow (that's how I interpreted it anyway). He seems to compose himself shortly thereafter, but he continues to breath heavily and makes several orgasmic noises until the conclusion of the video at the 3:30 mark. Before it ends though, he makes the remark of "it's so intense," which is something you would say after you have reached your climax, especially if you were narrating your own orgasm. That's something I need to put on my own bucket list, narrate my own orgasm (or better yet, have Morgan Freeman narrate it). Again, we have multiple conclusions that we can draw from this segment, but I'm leaning more towards theory #2 this time.
Well, it's been a long, strange trip, and we appear to be right back to where we started. If you were keeping score at home, you can see that we have a three-way tie (if you weren't keeping score at home, please pay better attention next time). So, which theory is the correct theory?
In my semi-professional opinion, he probably ate a full packet of skittles laced with acid, while masturbating into a bowl full of Lucky Charms with everything but the rainbow shaped marshmallows picked out (admit it, you did something similar as a kid, minus the masturbating part of it probably), and he thought he saw God in the double rainbow to justify his unsavory behavior. It really is that simple. Well, maybe not. I guess I'll just leave it to you to decide for yourself.
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed my breakdown of the Double Rainbow video. If not, I'll try to do better the next time. Until then, you stay classy, Detroit.
