Well, I tried to update tonight, twice. I just wasn't feeling it. My first update wasn't vey good, so I scrapped it. My second update was equally as bad, so I decided to forget about updating all together. I don't even know why I'm updating you on this situation of not updating, but I figured it is better than no update at all.
To sum up what I wrote in my first update:
Went to the Detroit Science Center with my buddy Rich. Had a good time. We went out to eat at Red Robins afterwards. It was decent. I bowled today. Wasn't a very good night. I'm feeling depressed, which is probably not good. I should really go see that therapist. The End.
My second update consisted of me endlessly rambling about nothing. I'll leave it at that. You stay classy, San Diego.
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
Tuesday, March 01, 2005
It's been a while...
Yeah, I realize that I haven't posted in about a month. Not much has happened since then. I went and got another scope for my ulcers near the beginning of February. All is well now, no more ulcers. I just have to keep taking my Prilosec and everything should be fine. I talked to my doctor a few weeks back and asked her for a number to a therapist. We both agreed that talking to a therapist would be good for reducing my stress. Listen to me talk here, I sound like I'm 40. Oh well, we'll see how that goes.
School is going well. Nothing much to report. My mythology class is really interesting. We are reading the Odyssey. I remember reading that in like 7th grade, and I couldn't recall hardly anything about it. It's funny though, as I was reading it, it was kind of like deju va. It was as if I read it just yesterday. Well, I'm exaggerate a little bit, but you get the picture. I remembered more than expected. Enough about that though.
I'm currently watching the Pistons game. They are winning 60-50 at half time. I don't usually watch basketball. Without hockey though, there isn't much else on in terms of sports. I could go on about how much it sucks without hockey, but it would be pointless and a waste of your time. Suffice to say though, I am definitely not pleased about it. Baseball is starting up again soon. A lot of people don't like baseball, but I am not one of them. It is slowly passing football as my second favorite sport. I guess that's what happens when you finally have a competitive team to root for. I'm not expecting a playoff appear by the Tigers this year, but it would be nice. Hopefully they can reach .500 and build from there. I can't wait for the season to start though. I'm more excited this season than I was last season.
I was planning on having a whole post dedicated to the differences between men and women. Of course, I never got around to it. I have decided to post what I have so far, which isn't much. I wanted to think of more, but, like I said, I haven't. Bear in mind that these are my own perception and may be in conflict with reality. You be the judge:
The Difference Between Men and Women
Let's start with orgasms. Women are all over the map. Some girls can only have it with oral sex and it is the rare girl that can have it with intercourse. Some girls need something up their ass to acheive orgasm. Some girls have multipe orgrams. Some girls have to fake orgasms, which brings me to an analogy. The female orgasm is a lot like a flying saucer. Nobody is really sure if they exist, except for the government, but when somebody witnesses one, everybody knows about it. Here is a tip from me to you. If your girlfriend has a friend who is multiorgasmic, I suggest you put a bullet in that girl's head. She'll be putting ideas into you girlfriend, and the only thing that needs to be put into your girlfriend is your cock. Seriously though, that girlfriend will make you look bad for not being able to give your girlfriend an orgasm. Like I said, girls are all over the place, and you don't need somebody else telling your girlfriend what kind of orgasm she should be having. That's also why you don't allow you girlfriend to read Cosmo. It is pure garbage. Never ever ever let your girlfriend read Cosmo. Also, bear in mind that I'm talking about girls that are around 20 here. Older women are more experienced and now what it takes for them to achieve an orgasm.
Okay, moving on to the male. What can I say, it's fairly simple. You stimulate the penis. The penis becomes excited. The penis squirts something out in about ten minutes or less and then it takes a nap. Well, you're probably expecting another analogy, so here goes. The male orgasm is like a firehose. Once the fire's out, that's it. In addition to that, the penis is analogous to a fire truck. This might not make any sense, but hear me out. Okay, so how fast the fire truck can get to the next fire depends upon how old it is. So, the length of the penis nap depends on how old you are, but it usually isn't very long for most people under 40. So, as you can see, it doesn't matter how old a male is. As soon as he is able to have an orgasm, he can have an orgasm. The refractory period grows larger as he gets older, but the mechanism for his orgasm stays the same. Once the plumbing is in place, it's game time for the male.
Well, like I said, that wasn't very long and probably wasn't that funny. I tired. I have a couple of one liners I came up with while listening to commerials during the Piston's game. Here they are:
So, GoodYear's slogan is GoodYear tire and rubber company. Why didn't somebody tell me GoodYear made condoms! I knew there was a deeper meaning to the name GoodYear. I guess my definition of a good year would be 52 times. What about yours?
I'm sure most of you won't get this next one because this is strictly a Michigan company. Let me start off by saying that this is a slogan for a window manufacturer. It isn't really a slogan, it is what they say in their commerials. I think they should add something to what they advertise though. They advertise that they have double hung windows. Instead of what they normally say, I think that they should say, "double hung...like a black man's penis." I guarantee that makes them popular with the brothers. And let me tell you, that's a huge market. How many houses are broken into in black neighborhoods? And what is the point if entry? The window. And how to you breach a window? You break the damn thing.
Well, that is all I have for you tonight. You stay classy, San Diego.
School is going well. Nothing much to report. My mythology class is really interesting. We are reading the Odyssey. I remember reading that in like 7th grade, and I couldn't recall hardly anything about it. It's funny though, as I was reading it, it was kind of like deju va. It was as if I read it just yesterday. Well, I'm exaggerate a little bit, but you get the picture. I remembered more than expected. Enough about that though.
I'm currently watching the Pistons game. They are winning 60-50 at half time. I don't usually watch basketball. Without hockey though, there isn't much else on in terms of sports. I could go on about how much it sucks without hockey, but it would be pointless and a waste of your time. Suffice to say though, I am definitely not pleased about it. Baseball is starting up again soon. A lot of people don't like baseball, but I am not one of them. It is slowly passing football as my second favorite sport. I guess that's what happens when you finally have a competitive team to root for. I'm not expecting a playoff appear by the Tigers this year, but it would be nice. Hopefully they can reach .500 and build from there. I can't wait for the season to start though. I'm more excited this season than I was last season.
I was planning on having a whole post dedicated to the differences between men and women. Of course, I never got around to it. I have decided to post what I have so far, which isn't much. I wanted to think of more, but, like I said, I haven't. Bear in mind that these are my own perception and may be in conflict with reality. You be the judge:
The Difference Between Men and Women
Let's start with orgasms. Women are all over the map. Some girls can only have it with oral sex and it is the rare girl that can have it with intercourse. Some girls need something up their ass to acheive orgasm. Some girls have multipe orgrams. Some girls have to fake orgasms, which brings me to an analogy. The female orgasm is a lot like a flying saucer. Nobody is really sure if they exist, except for the government, but when somebody witnesses one, everybody knows about it. Here is a tip from me to you. If your girlfriend has a friend who is multiorgasmic, I suggest you put a bullet in that girl's head. She'll be putting ideas into you girlfriend, and the only thing that needs to be put into your girlfriend is your cock. Seriously though, that girlfriend will make you look bad for not being able to give your girlfriend an orgasm. Like I said, girls are all over the place, and you don't need somebody else telling your girlfriend what kind of orgasm she should be having. That's also why you don't allow you girlfriend to read Cosmo. It is pure garbage. Never ever ever let your girlfriend read Cosmo. Also, bear in mind that I'm talking about girls that are around 20 here. Older women are more experienced and now what it takes for them to achieve an orgasm.
Okay, moving on to the male. What can I say, it's fairly simple. You stimulate the penis. The penis becomes excited. The penis squirts something out in about ten minutes or less and then it takes a nap. Well, you're probably expecting another analogy, so here goes. The male orgasm is like a firehose. Once the fire's out, that's it. In addition to that, the penis is analogous to a fire truck. This might not make any sense, but hear me out. Okay, so how fast the fire truck can get to the next fire depends upon how old it is. So, the length of the penis nap depends on how old you are, but it usually isn't very long for most people under 40. So, as you can see, it doesn't matter how old a male is. As soon as he is able to have an orgasm, he can have an orgasm. The refractory period grows larger as he gets older, but the mechanism for his orgasm stays the same. Once the plumbing is in place, it's game time for the male.
Well, like I said, that wasn't very long and probably wasn't that funny. I tired. I have a couple of one liners I came up with while listening to commerials during the Piston's game. Here they are:
So, GoodYear's slogan is GoodYear tire and rubber company. Why didn't somebody tell me GoodYear made condoms! I knew there was a deeper meaning to the name GoodYear. I guess my definition of a good year would be 52 times. What about yours?
I'm sure most of you won't get this next one because this is strictly a Michigan company. Let me start off by saying that this is a slogan for a window manufacturer. It isn't really a slogan, it is what they say in their commerials. I think they should add something to what they advertise though. They advertise that they have double hung windows. Instead of what they normally say, I think that they should say, "double hung...like a black man's penis." I guarantee that makes them popular with the brothers. And let me tell you, that's a huge market. How many houses are broken into in black neighborhoods? And what is the point if entry? The window. And how to you breach a window? You break the damn thing.
Well, that is all I have for you tonight. You stay classy, San Diego.
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