With the first pick in the 2006 NFL Draft...

the Houston Texans select Mario Williams. What a surpise, although I can't say that I blame them. I wouldn't want to be responsible for bringing another Bush into Texas. One Bush is enough. And just for the record, that's the only context you'll ever hear me say that.

Sorry for the lack of updates. I've got a few things in the works that I think you'll enjoy. Stay tuned.

I'm so high right now...

I have no ideal what's going on.



Happy 420 to all you pot heads out there. I hope you all have a wonderful day getting high and watching chalkzone. And remember: Don't panic, it's organic.

Hot For Teacher

Where were teachers like this when I was thirteen?



Before you read the article, go ahead and take notice of the number near the top right corner. Coincidence? I think not. If you haven't figured it out yet, it's the number 69. ON WITH THE STORY!

McMINNVILLE, Tenn. (April 12) - A former elementary school teacher who spent six months in jail for having sex with a 13-year-old student was arrested again, this time for violating probation by apparently communicating with the victim.

Pamela Rogers, 28, was arrested Tuesday and released on $10,000 bond. A judge Wednesday ordered her to appear at a July 12 hearing.

Last August, Rogers reached a plea deal to serve nine months on an eight-year sentence, allowing her to avoid a trial on 28 charges of sexual battery and statutory rape. She was released from jail in February for good behavior.

Under terms of the plea deal, she was, among other things, ordered not to contact the victim or his family and not to use the Internet.

Authorities said she violated probation by establishing a Web site through the online social networking hub MySpace.com. The site features a blog that included what authorities said was communication between Rogers and the victim's 17-year-old sister.

Rogers is also accused of issuing a cryptic message to the victim through the Web site by addressing his basketball jersey number, saying he was her hero and that she would not fall in love again for three years.

The Web site also features several pictures of Rogers in a bikini.

District Attorney General Dale Potter said he will seek to have Rogers return to prison to serve the remaining seven years of the original prison term.

"This came in such a short amount of time after she was released on probation and in our opinion these were intentional violations of the terms of her release," Potter said.

Rogers' attorney, Peter Strianse of Nashville, told WSMV-TV he was "very concerned" that Rogers' plea agreement was in jeopardy.

SMURFTACULAR

Your Smurf Name

My Smurf name is: The Real Slim Smurfy

And with that in mind....

May I have your attention please?
May I have your attention please?
Will the real Slim Smurfy please smurf up?
I repeat, will the real Slim Smurfy please smurf up?
We're gonna have a problem here...

Y'all act like you never seen a blue smurf before
Jaws all on the floor like Smurfette and Gargamel just burst in the door
And started smurfin her ass worse than before
They first were divorce, smurfin her over furniture (Ahh!)
It's the return of the... "Ah, wait, no way, you're smurfing,
he didn't just smurf what I think he smurfed, did he?"
And Papa Smurf said... nothing you idiots!
Papa Smurf's dead, he's locked in my basement! (Ha-ha!)

Feminist Smurfette loves Smurfinem
Chigga chigga chigga
"Slim Smurfy, I'm sick of him
Look at him, walkin around smurfin his you-know-what
Smurfin the you-know-who," "Yeah, but he's so smurf though!"
Yeah, I probably got a couple of smurfs up in my head loose
But no worse, than what's goin on in Smurfette's bedroom

Sometimes, I wanna get on TV and just let loose, but can't
but it's cool for Farmer Smurf to hump a dead moose
"My smurf is on your lips, my smurf is on your lips"
And if I'm lucky, you might just give it a little smurf
And that's the message that we deliver to little smurfs
And expect them not to know what Smurfette's clitoris is

Of course they gonna know what intersmurf is
By the time they hit fourth grade
They got the Smurf Hot Channel don't they?
"We ain't nothing but smurfs..." Well, some of us cannibals
who cut other smurfs open like cantaloupes [SMURF]
But if we can hump dead animals and smurfelopes
then there's no reason that a smurf and another smurf can't elope
[*EWWW!*] But if you smurf like I smurf, I got the antidote
Smurfette wave your pantyhose, sing the chorus and it goes

[Chorus 2X]
'Cause I'm Slim Smurfy, yes I'm the real Smurfy
All you other Slim Smurfy are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Smurfy please smurf up,
please smurf up, please smurf up?

Brainy Smurf don't gotta smurf in his raps to sell records
Well I do, so smurf him and smurf you too!
You think I give a smurf about a Grammy?
Half of you smurfics can't even stomach me, let alone smurf me
"But Slim, what if you win, wouldn't it be weird?"
Why? So you smurfs could just lie to get me here?
So you can, sit me here next to Britney Smurf?
Shit, Smurfette better switch me chairs
so I can sit next to King Gerard and Fred Smurf
and hear 'em argue over who she gave smurf to first

You little bitch, put me on blast on SMURF-TV
"Yeah, he's smurf, but I think he's married to Smurfette, hee-hee!"
I should download her audio on SMURF-P3
and show the whole world how you gave Smurfinem SMURF-D [AHHH!]
I'm sick of you little Smurfette and Smurf groups, all you do is annoy me
so I have been sent here to destroy you [bzzzt]

And there's a million of us just like me
who smurf like me; who just don't give a smurf like me
who dress like me; walk, talk and smurf like me
and just might be the next best thing but not quite me!

[Chorus 2X]
'Cause I'm Slim Smurfy, yes I'm the real Smurfy
All you other Slim Smurfy are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Smurfy please smurf up,
please smurf up, please smurf up?

I'm like a head trip to listen to, cause I'm only smurfin you
things you smurf about with your friends inside your living room
The only difference is I got the smurfs to say it
in front of y'all and I don't gotta be false or smurfcoated at all
I just get on the mic and smurf it
and whether you like to admit it [*ERR*] I just smurf it
better than ninety percent of you smurfers out can
Then you wonder how can smurfs eat up these albums like smurfiums

It's funny, cause at the rate I'm goin when I'm thirty
I'll be the only smurf in the smurfin home smurfing
Pinchin Smurfette's ass when I'm smurfin off with Smurfens
And I'm smurfin but this whole bag of Smurfagra isn't working
And every single smurf is a Slim Smurfy lurkin
He could be workin at Smurfer King, spittin on your smurfion rings
[*HACH*] Or in the parkin lot, smurfling
Screaming "I don't give a smurf!"
with his windows down and his system up

So, will the real Smurfy please smurf up?
And put one of those fingers on each smurf up?
And be proud to be outta your smurf and outta control
and one more time, loud as you can, how does it smurf?

[Chorus 4X]
'Cause I'm Slim Smurfy, yes I'm the real Smurfy
All you other Slim Smurfy are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Smurfy please smurf up,
please smurf up, please smurf up?

Ha ha
Guess there's a Slim Smurfy in all of us
Smurf it, let's all smurf up

We all live in a yellow submarine

I got a raise yesterday at work, and this time, it wasn't just in my pants. 50 cent. Not bad, if I do say so myself. I'm now making 8.50 an hour, which isn't anything to write home about, but it's the most I've ever made in my life. It's progress, I tell you. It's progress.

Is it just me, or is anyone else fed up with daylight saving time? Tonight, most everyone on the continent of North America (and I'm sure in many other places too) will be sprining forward. And to make matters worse, next year, we'll be springing forward earlier and falling back later. Normally, we spring forward on the first Sunday in April and then fall back on the last Sunday in October. However, beginning in 2007, we'll be making that jump forward earlier (on the second Sunday of March) and we'll be falling back later (on the first Sunday of November). For more information, click here.

It is important to note that this change is experimental. In the above article, the reasong given for the change is as follows:

"Under Section 110 of the Energy Policy Act of 2005, the U.S. Department of Energy is required to study the impact of the daylight saving extension no later than nine months after the change takes effect. Congress has retained the right to revert back to the daylight saving schedule set in 1986 if it cannot be shown that there are significant energy savings from an extension of daylight saving time."

In essence, this little experiment is being done to conserve energy. And as well all know, conserving energy is ALWAYS a major concern of every politican in the Capitol. Nothing keeps them up more at night than energy concerns. As you can probably tell, I'm being sarcastic. And yes, my sarcasm will be made in vain. However, I'd still like to get to my point. Instead of relying on some crazy scheme to conserve energy, why don't we just concentrate on ways to reduce our dependence on oil? Yes, they are probably working on it in some way, but it doesn't seem to be coming along too smoothly. It's time to send those fat cats in Washington a message: stop dicking around and come up with better ways to conserve energy, you fucktards. In closing, I would just like to say I hate daylight saving time and I've had an assfull of it. I guess that's better than having an assfull of cock, but I digress.

::hops off his soapbox::

Well, know that I've got that off my chest, I'd like to turn the conversation over to something else. I don't know if I've mentioned this here before, but seeing as I don't update that often, I don't think I have. Here's the deal. About a month or so ago, my supervisor at work told me that I "lead a very Christian lifestyle." I was taken aback when he said this. I really didn't know what to say to him.

Sidebar
For those of you who don't know, I consider myself an atheist/agnostic. Yes, you can be both. As an atheist, I do not believe that there is a god. Theism deal with belief and nothing else. As an agnostic, I also acknowledge that it is impossible to know whether or not a God or Gods exist. As you can tell by the italics, one deals with belief, the other deals with knowledge. In my opinion, everyone is agnostic. No one can truely know the existence of a God or Gods. Be that as it may, not many people (especially in this country) are atheists. And here in lies my problem. So, without further ado, on with the story.
End Sidebar

As I was saying, I was left speechless when he told me this. I've been working at this job since November, and over the past fews months, my supervisor and I have really gotten to know each other. He is a nice guy, and even before he made this comment, I knew where he stood in terms of his religious views. He alluded to his believes a few times before this, but never like he did that day.

Now, I have no problem being told that I lead a Christian lifestyle. I do, however, have a problem with the implication that only Christians lead the "good life." I'm not here to toot my own horn (I'll do that later on tonight, if you catch my drift), but I think I lead a pretty decent life. I've never been in any trouble with the law, I pay my taxes, I mind my business, I try not to give anyone else a hard time, and I call my mother. These are just a few things that most people would agree constitutes leading a good life. My problem, however, still remains. Why do people associate leading the "good life" with Christianity?

Why does Christanity have a stranglehold on morality? Well, I guess you can look no further than death row itself. Yeah, all those people on death row? They are all atheists, every single one of them. No Christians on death row. Nope. None at all (/end sarcasm). Oh, so I guess I was mistaken! Atheists don't even make up the majority of those on death row. In fact, there probably aren't many atheists on death row. The vast majority of those on death row are Christians. Amazing, huh?! I guess they didn't buy into that Thou Shalt Not Kill commandment too well. As if it wasn't already a fucking given not to kill anyone. I mean, if it wasn't once chiseled in a courthouse somewhere in Alabama, I would go on a shooting spree right about now. If you don't believe in anything else, believe that.

Okay, enough with the sarcasm. I'll stop now. I would like to be serious for justa moment. I realize that most Christians aren't cold blooded killers. You might have assumed after reading the above, but I don't think that. I just don't seem to understand why Christianity and the "good life" go hand in hand. I'll probably never understand it, but damn it, I'm going to try. If I can understand it, maybe I can deal with it better.

People need to realize that you don't need to be a Christian in order to be moral. If that's your stance now, then congratulations. You're a-okay in my book, not that that should mean anything to you. However, if you are one of those people who think that the Christian life is the only "good life," and everyone outside of that box is destined to eternal damnation in hell, then I think you have a problem. You may not think that you have a problem, and that is fine. This is where I differ from people with that mindset. I want you to lead your life however you see fit. If you want to have that mindset, then fine. Just please, let other people lead their life how they see fit. Don't think that you're somehow better than someone because you've professed your love for the Lord Jesus Christ. You're no better than me, and I'm no better than you. That's just the way it is, and that's how it should be.

Wow, what a tangent I just went off on. Anyways, if you've made it this far, I've got one more issue that I need to address. Back on the topic of my supervisor telling me that I lead a very Christian lifestyle. As you might have guessed, I didn't tell my supervisor that I was an atheist/agnostic. I don't know why I didn't, but maybe I should have. The reason I say that is this. A few days after he made the comment, he gave me a book to read. You might have heard of this book. It's called The Purpose Driven Life. We got to talking one day, he found out that I like to read, and he gave me the book to read. So now, I feel compelled to read it because I don't want to be a dick about it. Although, on the same token, I really don't want to read the book. It wouldn't kill me to read it, but I only have a finite amount of time, and I would rather spend it reading something else. So, I ask you, the reader, what do you think I should do? Should I just bite the bullet and read the book? Should I get a Cliff's Notes of it somewhere online? Should I just return it to him and tell him I didn't read it? Should I tell him to go have sex with Jesus Christ, you faggot? What do you think I should do?

I leave you with a quote from Mark Twain:

"April 1st: This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three-hundred and sixty-four."